Just know that
you are not the only one
going through this
all-too-human and
inevitable pain.
The grief, the loss,
the unbearable weight of it all.
Just know that you do not have
to carry it all on
your own.

Every moment we
have spent together will
live in me forever.
These moments are ours,
and mine alone,
living in between each
heartbeat and behind
every smile until
the end.

Winter is hard
when you have so
much love and you are not
here to receive it.
Nothing illuminates the darkness,
nothing warms the coldness and
nothing thaws the ice from
this heart when you are
not here as my sun.

January
smelt of sorrow-
it usually does.
For what, I do not know,
but every year I hope to
figure it out and make sure
to avoid it in twelve months.
Oh well,
better luck next year.

There are some
thoughts and memories
that you try to lock away
and throw away the key-
those **** thoughts
that open the floodgates
of torment and shame
if thought about for
just a moment.

The stars that
fill my skies are
all from your
universe.

Depression is
your mind's way of
keeping the sorrow
at bay.

I feel as if
I am a refugee
in my own life
still in search of a
home I will
never know.

Grief is
inevitable.
Everyone will pass-
they will turn to memories
and all you can do to prepare
is make sure you made an
abundance of them for
that inevitable day.

You may never
read my words
and that is okay-
as long as I have a way
to get this off my chest.

I fell in love
with an angel
but forgot that I was
a mere mortal infatuated
in forbidden love.

I fell in love
with a shooting star
but forgot they are
destined not to stay.

How can you
chase a dream that
does not want to
be caught?

Am I over it?
Not really.
Will I survive?
Probably.

The Earth can only
contain so much before
it bursts open from its
volcanoes and geysers,
as can a star when it
goes supernova.
What chance do you have
of holding it all in?

You cannot
miss what never existed,
right?

I have been
waiting for the
December rain to
cleanse me once again
of the pain and grime
I have gathered
over the year.

You feel strange again-
you don't know why,
and suddenly you're
reliving your youth and
realizing that there must be
something inherently wrong with you
that people don't like and you
don't know what it is.

They say
you remember all
the little details when
you are in love.
Every word, every smile,
every adventure and
every argument.
I still remember it all,
and you can barely
remember my name.

The time spent with you
went by like a dream.
I dream about those dreams-
moments in time where
I have never felt more awake.

December trudged
after November looking haggard
After carrying another year on its back.
As if that was not enough,
we burden December with our
expectations and hopes
of a miracle.

Isn't it strange
how we forget most
of our dreams yet there
are some dreams that
we carry for the
rest of our lives?

People are
like chemicals:
some mixtures bond
and some mixtures
go bang.

In this life there are
people who like and dislike you.
It has taken me too long to let the latter go,
and to understand that there is
little you can do to change that.
All you can do is let them go,
move on, and live with that fact
because not everyone is going to like you.
Understand that it is their loss
and that tripping over yourself
for others will never bring
you happiness nor
your true self.

Some memories come
in the form of angels and
some in the form of demons.  
You won’t survive the
mental hell if you let
the demons stay
for too long.

Dear diary;
I find myself drained
at even the little things.
The chores, the socializing,
the emotions and the obligations.
It is no wonder I am exhausted
at the end of the day just
trying to survive.

Love can make
you feel so vulnerable
yet so safe.
Love is indeed
the biggest
paradox
of life.

It is the human cycle to
surrender to love just as
we surrender to grief.
No one can control this cycle-
it teaches us truth and character,
it builds us up and cuts us down
in the best and worst of times.

Are you
as tired of
this distance
between us
as I am?

12365 kilometres,
an ocean and two countries apart-
it may as well be another galaxy,
yet I can feel the warmth of
your smile radiate from
across the globe and I can
still sing along to your heartbeat.
With all this distance,
we are never really alone
when our love
transcends all.

I close my eyes and
summon you into a dream.
Even if it's for a little while,
let's pretend it is real.

December creeps up on us,
and suddenly, I feel unburdened
from all I have carried this year.
No longer stuck, no longer trudging
through the days, weeks, months
I thought would never end.
Time to cleanse my soul of all
the turmoil and ties I do not
wish to carry into the new year.

The hardest part
of the year was having
to say goodbye to you.
I did not want to go,
I did not want to leave.
I wanted to stay forever
where you were no longer
someone in my dreams,
but someone in my life.

The world watches.
They hold their breaths
as the ballots are cast-
a responsibility and gift
not to be taken
for granted.

And so we reach that time again-
the eve of an election.
The world holds its breath
for better or worse
as we turn another
page in the books
of history.

One more quadrennial,
one more election.
One more dawn,
one more day.
One day more and
we turn a page and enter
one more chapter of history.

It doesn't take long
to memorize someone
but it can take a lifetime
to forget the memories,
the pain and the
heartache.

Rain of shine,
the solitude stays the same.
Wherever I go and
whoever I'm with.

When was the last
time I felt like myself?
Maybe when I was young
all those years ago.
But those memories are
as distant to the present
as I am to myself now.

You got used to the
shadows and solitude
where you always felt
most at home.

Sometimes I need my solitude
when the battery gets low,
when the voices are too loud
and when I feel the weight
of the world upon my shoulders.
We all have our ways of recharging
whether it be in shadows
or in light.

One step forward,
two steps back.
Reality is a tough place to live-
it is also a tough
place to leave.

Sometimes,
between this distance,
darkness and silence,
your voice will break through
and sing away the sorrows and shadows-
a reminder that we are never
truly alone.

I am still in awe of the colours
you have painted into my life and
the magic you weave into this world.
To be of the same blood is an honor
I will never take for granted and
to be the one of the same soul
is something I will always cherish.
Thank you for giving me the
hope and strength to keep going
in a world that would be so
cold and bleak without you.

Grief may take different forms
but it is there every day.
Some days it weighs on us more than others,
so much that you cannot breathe as if
crushed by the gravity of a
black hole in your heart-
it consumes all that it orbits
and not even light nor joy can escape its grasp.
Sometimes grief can be a burning sun
or a barren, cold moon
forsaken by its planet
all too long ago.

I wrap my heart in
shadow, silence and stone.
Now with so many walls,
I fear parts of me will
never see the
light again.

One of the best things
you can do for yourself is
to become comfortable
with the loneliness.
Learn to accept it-
you might even learn
to embrace the solitude
and all the shadows
as your company.
To learn to be okay with being alone
in a world so loud, so full of
crowds and temptations is
not just self care,
it is a form of art.

How solitary
and sublime these
winter nights have been.
I have always preferred
the shadows and silence
to the endless crowds
and commotion of
everyday life.

Is being alone
what scares me or that I feel
so lonely alone?

11:40 PM
10/10/24

My rocket crashed
into a long, lost moon
after you steered me off course.
How foolish I was to
trust you as its
commander through
unknown depths.