Oh! the *** has been stirred with a lighting hands
The smoldering water and clumps of bubbles
Have been spilling in hopes to scald his hand.

A beer-drinking guy in a bar
Took a willing young girl to his car
But before they got started,
The old ******* farted
And they died like two bugs in a jar.

There's nothing quite like a pint
in celebration of good health
Or forty ounces
in celebration of anything else
I'll be drinking beer
to celebrate my arrival into Hell

Blessed are we all to live in a time
when the love of Craft beer exceeds that for wine.
Hops, malt and barley all now rule the day
When brewed up together in a nice I.P.A.
Who cares if some hipsters choose to babble away
about hints of oak in some obscure Chardonnay.
We are no longer limited to our father’s Budweiser.
The vast choice of beers would astound those old timers!
Cherry Wheat, pumpkin, and Oktoberfest
You’ll fall down on your face ere you’ve tried all the rest.
As Ben Franklin stated wittily and succinctly”
“Beer is the proof God meant man to be happy.”

I HAVE EARNED
THIS ******* CHOCOLATE
SO STEP OFF
I LIKE THAT I AM CHUBBY
SO *******
I LIKE MY BODY
AND I AM NOT OKAY THIS WEEK
I AM NOT OKAY THIS MONTH
SO BACK THE **** UP, "HOMIE"
I AM EATING
MOTHER
*******
REESE'S

I have got a large orange pumpkin
sitting waiting for Halloween.
I just need to carve its tough outer skin
and place a candle inside when it's clean.

I'm planning to carve a scary face
to keep all the evil spirits away
Never met a witch around this place
but tomorrow could be another day.

Going to get some special things
for when the children play trick or treat
I love the mystery this day brings
and all the special foods to eat.

Apples covered in toffee, sausages in sauce
fluffy white potatoes crumbled with cheese
I show absolutely no remorse
For meat ***** with mushy minty peas.

Halloween the very name sends shivers
down the length of my spine
My legs are shaking and head quivers
but do not worry I will be fine.