Lost again
Instantly
Dead to you
When
I have nothing to offer,
To give
Or to spend
And so bending
Not breaking
Descending
I tend
To forgive and forget
That you’re even my friend

Never quite knew
What went on in your head
I just knew we felt comfortable
Lying in bed
So we did it again
And again
And again
We were both of us certain
Someday it would
End

Working on
Working you in
To my life
So ineffably grateful
For you in my night
Come alight
The way forward
Evoke me bemused
You’ve renewed
My tomorrow
And heightened the mood
Still I brood
In the belfries,
The gallows,
The hole
And I barren wasteland
What remains of my soul
But I told you
You meant to me
More than goodbye,
Than the most divine
Acid high
Shapes in the sky
More than birds without wings
Could aspire to fly
It’s a little bit more like
Could happily die

Even now all of you
Reading this
Dissident’s
Dissonance
Cognitive
Synthesis
Most from the right
Little less from the left
But the nexus itself
Is contingent on theft
On consuming
Its own working classes
Bereft
Of the best in show
Pedigree
Peddling its
Influence
Rife with eugenicist
Rhetoric’s
Genesis

Promising leads
On a path into middle class
Comfort and ease
In addition to burdens
It seems to relieve
Would be nice
Not to worry
Just constantly hurry
Through tasks,
Obligations,
Demands it entails
Make myself of some use,
Lessen others’ travails
Promote global affairs
And take care
To be wary
Of how my impact
Can be made
While still keeping
The world peace in tact

The seconds are wasting
And here I am chasing
A date with desire
So seldom embracing
At once what I felt
For the hand I’d been dealt
In her hand
I can’t handle
The heat
As I melt

Amusement
Sport
And profit
No unconquered kings
Could stop it
It was something
In the water
In the wind
And in the trees
A sort of sorrow
That could lift you
Swiftly
Take your soul with ease
Though it is not
Until she leaves
Can you imagine
How she grieves
And claim the same innate
Despondency
Through all the fated
Weaves

Withering on
Like the winds
Carry plague
Melancholic
The strain
Sorrow I can’t explain
And emotion
Is dopamine’s
Poetry name
For what I really feel
Is a figurative pain
Not an ouch
But it hurts
I am worthless
Than dirt
For at least
As the soil
Some sign of life blooms
From its loamy, lugubrious
Funeral tombs

Once more
The public defenders
Surrender
To enemy states
Their impatience
Engenders
But we’ve seen it all
Watched the fall
Of the shopping mall
Deepseeking
Concert hall
Burning in splendor
As Nero aways
Drifts apart from the people
And watches the blaze
But if razing the standard
Is upending order
Then what say the man
Who comes up a bit shorter
What border wall
Criminal past
Must he hide
What abortions of justice
So blatantly lied
When its all checks
Imbalanced
The obvious tyrant
Dictum
And demeanor
Messianic palace
Makes you a believer
But pillars
Pill bottles
And bills
Still **** children
And thrill seeking pigs
Will keep bombing
The building
Net worth still ballooning
And dooming the planet
But now it’s too late
Like I said
Time to panic

I’m easy to talk to
Or so
They might say
If I spoke
As I wrote
My awoken cliché
List of grievances
Seething with
Fury inveighed
A melodious
Medley
Relentless tirade
But the vehemence
Meaningless
Cannot prevail
Without targeting
Enemies
Too big to fail
So continue to rouse
Rabble ruffians
Huffing
And puffing,
And stuffing,
Their pockets with nothing
But broken home
Hopeless
Promissory notes
And peremptory
Purchasing powerless
Votes
I prefer the immersion
In mobs of unruly
And still punish pigs
With unusual cruelty

Lately I find
Being lost
Not so bad
When you have a few friends
With whom bonds ironclad
Can withstand
An onslaught
Of discordant ordeals
With a steely resolve
Then we share how it feels
To be searching still
Looking for love and discovery
Mired in grinding through days
Made of drudgery
Judge me
I dare you
Assume that you know us
And hate us,
Degrade us,
We’ll dance on your graves
And defile the racists
Contagious our sickness
Is wit with a vicious
Charisma ice cold
And the guillotine’s swiftness
Abysses don’t phase us
When muses have made us
Inspired and proud
To share gifts that they gave us
All flawed and imperfect
But kind and sincere
Genuine
To the bitter end’s
Nothing to fear

Disconnected
Let it set in
Icy silence
And disdain
But you’re forgetting
Who keeps roofs atop
Your drowning in the rain
Go on believing
Shelter simply is
A promise you can break
And with your sideshow
Succubi, belie
The happiness you fake
I’m done pretending,
Over chasing,
Finished clinging
To delusion
Just return to me what’s owed
Before it’s more than games you’re losing

This is Life
Need I remind you
Yet again to flick the switch
And kick the wicked witch’s
Fix, not an addiction
Just a *****
You can’t resist
So go on wishy-washing,
Claiming its depression
Let them crocodile tears
Keep shedding
Serpentine confession

It’s your precious time,
Not mine
And it’s your poor
Productive mind
To waste
On Disney’s ***** dream
Your full potential
All amounts to
Getting on your knees to clean
All but your act,
Because you lack
The courage
To confront the fact
There is no god of yours
Except when I
Demand you pay it back

Suggest you’ll be part of
My life
Then depart
Just as quick as you entered
And punctured my heart
Like a dart
From the start
Piercing ever so slightly
You got close enough
But avoided what might be
The height of the pinnacle
Pivotal moment
We notice that awkward’s
The vital component

My compendium penned
With impending doom sentiment
Write as I speak
Just a whole lot more
Eloquent
Never meant much to me
Life as a whole
Because even in death
There’s unrest in my soul
For the bold are the favored
By fortune’s extortion
Eventually profit
Blows out of proportion
The what you can gain
From the you that remains
Before adding it all up
To zero sum games

Look a bit deeper
Allow it to settle
Keep delving down further
Keep testing your mettle
For some day soon
Chances to prove it
Ensue
But may lose you
Could pass you right by
Never knew
Your potential
Intrinsically
No more,
No less consequential
Than hundreds of
Millions untold
Lifeless stories
You had all these dreams,
Aspirations,
But worries
Seemed always
To permeate floodgates
Of keep the gray days away
Dreadful at bay
Let it get to you,
Get you down,
In that state
Stay

No trouble fitting in
My skin
When no ones here
To day-begin
Alone within
The office dimly
Lit, the rain
Outside
Foreboding grimly
For my future
At this desk,
No directive
Yet expressed
Transparently
To feel secure
I’m vital to this job
Ensure
I’m here awhile
Not just temp
Though not quite sure
It’s permanent...

Then by your reply
I am taken
It’s making
Me crazy to think
This is how
My heart’s breaking
It’s not all at once
Or from feelings betrayed
It’s in knowing they’re real
But for you
Not the same
And it’s basically
Everyday
Life is decay
Bring me closer than ever
Then push me away
Before I can inflict
More perpetual wounds
Before I skew the signs
In your horoscope moons
I am shrooms
We exhumes
The primordial ooze
But I still dig the muse
You exude through your grooves

Have to get better
At weighing my options
For she is just heartache
Corroding in toxins
And though rather sweet
I’m replete with embittered
Resentment relationships’
Withering liver
And whether or not
I convince her to care
This despair should not characterize
Love affair
We were barely there
Sharing
A moment in sync
Before urges consumed us
In I need a drink

Led them all
To water
Not quite pure
But runs the mill
And though manure
Is my cure
Its mass allure is streaming still
And cannon fodder
Scheming still
To see them sooner to the slaughter
Than a city on a hill
For I was offered
Coffers bottomless
To teach them
Ignorance is bliss
And steer my fear
Adherents
To salvation
Off a cliff

I can’t live without her
Whispered
In the dark
And perhaps if she heard it
From me
At the start
Then I could be now
Proving it through
Equal parts
Giving gifts
And presenting you with
All the ones that I missed
Immaterial testaments to
What we share
But I simplified it
To about you
I care
Very much,
Deep enough
To imply love is there
But not beyond doubt
That its absence
Could bare
Us together
Into the indefinite,
No more itinerant
One day a year
To be brand newly intimate

Just a ******’ guy
Gettin’ high
Tryna’ fly
I bury poetry so deeply
Till the last time I try
Oh no not I
You know not why
I am the truth in every lie
I fell for summer in the winter
‘Neath a mushroom cloud sky
And in her eyes I watched it wither
As I kissed her goodbye

Seed of innovation
Discontentment with my station
With my place
My lot in life
Dissatisfied
A wrong to right
Or opportunity comes knocking
Flickering
Gives way to light

This incoherence
Ostensibly
Somehow resemblant
Appearance
To cogent conveyance
Of strictest adherence
To norms and conventions
Of formally writing
But radically
Back to the roots
I’m reciting

The further one travels
Less one seems to know
Of the ways the ineffable one
In its glow
Could give form to the infinite flakes of the snow
And give each of us solely an inkling of soul
In a body of mind until
It’s time to go

Fleetingly wary
We aren’t alone
As a species
But personally
On our own
And the dread revelation
Intelligence
Solely
Just isn’t enough
To convince me
It’s only
This civilization we build
That defines
And distinguishes us
From developing minds  
So ephemeral
Cognizance
Merely a product
Of permanently
Be the way
We were brought up
Despite how we nurture
That nature
To harm
Fortify self-defenses
And rapidly arm
For a conflict ensuing
To err with more fanfare
Than opposite sides
Can barely take stand where
The human decides

Dispossessed
Disavowed
Distant
Disowned
Have no plot
Crops to rot
Or a place to call home
And so easily stripped
Of a dignified claim
To a decent
Affordable living
Sustained
When an honest mistake
Can outweigh
The successes
And failure gives way
To implacable stresses
Impresses upon me
The titles and deeds,
The smallholders,
The Monsanto millions
Of seeds
The uprooted
And ripped
From their ties
To its yield
The ones blighted
And bound
To its dream-
killing field
Countless casualties
Rendered
Mere renters
And tenants
Dependents
On wars
Of some lord’s
Independence

I will bathe you in rivers of blood
'Till you see
There is no revolution
Without some of me
Not a page in this history book
Could be turned
Nor its secret society's
Shadows be burned
Without my procreation's
Next unheeded seed
Without my ravenous
Dark desire to breed
To be freed from the civilized man's
Inner-peace
To be summoned from depths
Of his inner-most beast
And set loose upon
Innocent flesh to devour
To sever and rend and smite down
To seize power
Is yours simply if
You succumb to my will
Let me show you
How easy
It can be
To ****

When it really comes down to it
Instinct is key
Solutions you don’t conclude
Rationally
Although naturally yield
An appealing
Fanfare
Popularity contest
To racialize hair
Unaware
That the struggle
Does not even care
When it’s hungry
And pushed to the brink
Of extinction
Detained
In a cage
Like a subhuman species
So why try to train
What does not want to learn
Your new tricks
Why insist
Making it
Your concern?

Values of poverty,
Piety
Heaven-sent
Somehow becoming
Traditions
More decadent
What other uses
For ages of plunder
Abuses of power's
Insatiable hunger
Foregoing,
Forgetting,
Forgiving excesses
With presents
Presented as
What he professes
But was it so prescient
Foreseeing
His birth
Rematerializing
Its tangible worth
In a splendorous
Spending-spree
Dollar tree
Industry
Gifting,
Regifting,
Now shipping
Religiously

Let me wallow,
Wither,
Wilt,
Let me waste away
With guilt
Permit me perish
Atrophy
And relish thee
Catastrophe
Until such love
Comes back to me
Enraptures me
Again ensnared
Entangled in
Its fragrant hair
Its vanity affair
Laid bare
Across my inhale,
Exhale chest
Its *** contest
Conquest
Impressed
Upon us both
To ever rest
Within a dead of night
Embrace  
And wake to see
Her smiling face

The laughable death
Possibility seems
To no longer so dreadfully
Fill me with screams
Only merrily,
Merrily
Rivers of dreams
Flowing into insanity’s
Bottomless screens

When you start to see
Predator faces
In trees
And inhabited spaces
Comprise only speech
And the shapes
Undulating
In patterns,
The breeze
Emanating
From some
Indiscernible source
Resonating
Its serenade
Altered discourse
Ambulating
Like tabula rasa
First steps
I have taken
Into the precarious
Premeditated  
Subconsciously
Mind
Is a blender of bliss
In a time-warping whirlpool
Apotheosis
Then eye do believe why
Me myself
We and I
Is a lie
And the truth
Is as nebulous
Clouds in the sky
Coalescing
As all
Into one  
God’s disguise

What reassurances
Can you provide
That I’ll have a good time
If I let you inside
We have standards here
Prove yourself
Worthy of entry
I’ll gladly embrace you
And lay down the sentry
With room for more friends
I can always find space
Just don’t waste my time
Pacing your mouth
In my face

Got to be
A better way
I hardly said
A word today
But nothing’s wrong
Just incomplete
Whole part of me
Is missing
Speak
About it
Doesn’t end the issue
Doesn’t stay
How much I miss you
From advancing
To the fore
Front of my mind
And waging war
Upon the never quite
At peace
Entirely
Until released
From manacles
Of memory’s
Mechanical
Sincerity
The artificial verity
I barely could contain
With or without you
Doesn’t matter
Dying all the same

That’s me in despair
Over there
All alone
Been around the world over
Still finding my home
Among those who saw profits
Exported ‘em on
Made it spread
Out in rockets
And then
It’s the dreaded
Undead
Picking pockets
The stock market’s
Bloc chaining
Gangs on the docket
The gains
Are net losses
The reign
Draining brains
To reclaim
The forgotten,  
Abandoned,
That we propagate
For some other gods
Means of controlling
Create
Like the state
Regulating
The hate speech
It deems
To be anything but
In compliance
With dreams

Got what I wanted,
Accomplished,
Attained
All it cost?
The most powerful
Piece in the game

Words on a page
Not arranged
Just estrange
Another enemy to crush
Another war to be waged
Another battlefield
Looming
Of late
To lay waste in
Encased in
A constant news cycle
That’s making
Us constantly
Taking
For granted
The known world around us
Tall tales
Calumny
And conjecture’s
What grounds us
Confounding to no end
Save clicks, views and likes
The attention economy
Surgically strikes
At the psyches and rights
Like an unnerving agent
The advertise spies
Accept all forms of payment
So long as your eyes
Remain fixed on their message,
Their product,
Their service
Their mild depression

Everyday it’s the same
What to do
About this
About that problem
Eating away at my brain
I see so much contention
Perceiving it pain
But maybe it’s just all my effort
In vain
For if everyone suffers
And most do not care
What is really worth searching for
Out there
Somewhere

I do this again
And again
And again
Hurt the ones that I love
When love’s all
I intend
To stay true to its course
To renew its remorse
To resort
To finality’s
Looming divorced
From reality’s
How much I try
Just to fail
Disappoint you
Go down with the ship
As you bail
Walk away
Without saying
If this is goodbye
That you’d really feel
Better off
Waiting to die
Or devising
Some sooner conclusion
Exclusion
Of me and you lost
To the cost
Of delusion
But needless
Assurances
Meet expectations
Like promises break
Before I even make them
Just stake them through hearts
And return to my coffin
My solitude tombs
Of increasingly often
Immersed in your silence
Where my mistakes shriek
I am puny,
Irrelevant,
Useless,
And weak

Devils preach the gospels
And I fear that it is not so
That they clearly see
Absurdity
The shades
Of **** Germany
This slowly moving coup
Now made to seem
It’s just like you
Bankrupted victim
Of the system
Yet so privileged
By its gifts
Claims to uplift you
As it rips you
A new hole
Expands the rift
And in its grifting
Disempowers with
Its ignorance is bliss
As you believe its
Impishness
Is not impiety
Your faith
Begins to turn
From your convictions
To your notions
Nation-state
More based in race
Than in reality
More rooted in
Delusion
And even now it writes you off
Just like its
Constitution

I know I’m not cool
Like the one of you
Gleaning
The rest of your zodiac fate
From careening  
Into
Dating destiny
Seldom foreseen
But we vibe
And rewind
And defy the machine
When I need you to drift
In destruction
And riff
On the whispering
Bury my life in a ditch
Because she
Still rejects
What the opposite ***
Still expects
From just friends
When the rest all connects
In a way
In some dissonant
Distant decay
There is me
There is you
There is no other way
To continue the carry on
More
Other lovers
Each night
I just write
What the shovel uncovers

The rains are back
All fades to black
No telling how long
This will last
The shadows are
My oldest friend
Arch-nemesis
We meet again
For I have been
Too many days
And nights
Without
Malaise's praise
To compliment
My evil ways
And reinvent
My serenades
With morbid music
Silence sings
And turbid lucid dreams It brings
When yet again
The rains return
This power lapse
I can discern
And with it comes
Each second taken
Simply waiting
To awaken
In an anywhere but here
Austerity
To make it clear

No industrious,
Sedulous
Worker ant slaving
I just deride hive-minded
Throngs and mobs
Paving
The way
For a more supreme order
Since discontent rules
And the truth’s
A reporter’s
Opinion
Dominion
Still supersedes fact
What is that?
But I know
What you don’t,
And that’s that

And now I get angry
There’s no one to save me
Can’t make me be happy
I might as well stake
My heart through
Love is blue
Each attempt,
A mistake
And you knew
Going into it
Sooner than late
It would break,
Fall apart,
Or deteriorate
As it has
Now diminished
To here we are finished
With you
And with me
All my flaws
Insurmountable
Just a lost cause
For the fallout
Accountable
Doubt permeated
My brain
And unmade it
Created estrangement between us
And bade it
To hating what we couldn’t change
Or rephrase
In a more perfect way
Than just from our lives fade

Earth unprepared
To repair
What demand
Leaves its wishing well
Wistfulness
Weeping wastelands

Almost had me there
Pit of despair
In succumbing
To what degradations
Would see me becoming
Your most faithless servant
Though loyal to fault
Go to war against joy
In an all out assault
On good tidings
And pleasantries
Kindly dispense
With impediments
Left
On my path to contempt
And I’d hold them all
Equally
Most firmly
In it
A judge
And not one
Crack of smile
Forgiven

A vessel
Inherently
Flawed by design
Or by some divine miracle
Meant to decline
In the wake
Of its rise
Meteoric
Downfall
In the crash
Aftermath
From the ashes
We crawl
And begin
To take shape
To walk upright
And break
Through a cosmic egg
Shell
Through this living hell
Wait

It will still always be there
The sorrow incarnate
Explaining it would take
As long,
Disregard it
Forget it
Just let it
Come to its conclusion
The you and me
Romanticizing
Illusion
Or mostly me
Selfishly
Leading to ruin
What good ever happens
To dare I say love
Reveal itself to be
Still not quite enough

Bringing me in
I’m on board
With the cause
And I’m willing to look past
Its for-profit flaws
Must be there in the making
The taking
Of funding
The radioactive waste
Chemical dumping
Discrepancies glaring
And some
Surreptitious
As shady deals finalized
Factions fictitious
One-sided dimension
Community’s build
A like-minded utopian
Exclusive guild

Confounded by how
As the hours elapse
I could still be attempting
To try and relax
Get a word out or two
So the day seems important  
And talking to none
But myself
So discordant
For mordant
His self-deprecating
Edge stings
As he pushes my buttons
And pulls on my strings
And it brings me no solace
To numerate merits
His tasks
Were just masks
That the now me inherits
And parrots with subtle
Distinctions
Of the instinctive
Prefers as rebuttal
Befuddled again
I know
So am I
Though
Even thinking it so
Would suggest
His shadow