Everyone needs someone
Unless you still hunt
I suppose
That it’s possible
Highly unlikely
But there are those
Who still actively
Spite me
Though among friends
Am I journeying ends
And I want nothing more
Than to see her again
With the all of us gathered
So we can be one
You will hear
As I speak
To who’d carry my son
With impressive oration
For her
Adoration
The man she was waiting
To be above boy
To care once
At least for
Something more
Than destroy

Playing phone games
For a living
Just giving
Up trying
To be
A professional villain
Or willing to power
Mad-driven ambition
Spend all day alone
Or unconsciously wishing
To not wake again
And go peacefully
Deep in some dream
In the end
I was never intended
To make it through
This
Don’t exist
Don’t belong
Dismalest
Nothingness

Opted out
Got back in
Couldn’t live there again
I chose racing with rats
Over ones on my skin
Crawling off its embrace
Of my gaunt skeleton
Gnawing at my subconscious
Insomniac guilt
Where fecundity blooms
It shall soon enough wilt
And what built its decay
Domicile exile
Expires, erodes
No abode is worthwhile
Eventually I
Would abandon the home
For the first opportunity
Onward to roam
Be it so
Upon continents
Drifting away
Or domestic tranquility
Muted and gray

Left to discordant
Decay
Left to disarray
Iron fist’s
Fiscal bliss
Impotent  
Power play
Towers and walls,
Bits of coin
And coal mines
Lots of bribes
Underlying
More sinister crimes
And the party line
Drawing
More polarized
Borderlines
Warning signs
Blinded eyes’
Views of supremacy
Racial in nature’s
Dehumanist tendency
Make nemeses
Of the poor huddled masses
And kindles their fears
Like a downfall of ashes

No longer perturbed,
Or concerned with
Malfunction
Devices
Who could
Replace luxury goods
At these prices?
Just question their uses
If ever I needed it
Really
Or just
Couldn’t live without its
Mostly gathering dust
Obsolescence
Intended
So much I expended
In money,
In energy,
Times I attempted
Rebooting
The frozen screen
Only concluding
Inept with this tech  
Not exactly computing
With my disconnect
From the world’s
Troubleshooting

Conscious expanded
I’ve been there
Abandoned
Erstwhile
Constituents
Of the old me
Yet eventually
My default setting
Me free
Just recedes,
Or rescinds,
Or reverts
To it hurts
To go so very far
And delve furthermore still
Into alternate methods
To thrill in the ****
Of the ego,
The love,
Delectation
Indulgence
Replaced by a mere fleeting glimpse
Of effulgence
That beckons,
And cleanses
And lends itself to
Be sensorily sorted
In starting anew
Brighter day,
Better life,
A respite from the plight
And if dare I hope
Someone
To kiss me goodnight

This time
It’s not unto death
I can give
Anything left of love
Of my life
Yet to live
If you don’t even like me
Can’t stand the mere
Sight of me
Push me away
Day by day
And by nightly
I’m once again grossly
Mischaracterized
As the guy
Still disguising himself
Suicide
Although I
Only wanted
You ever to hold
Onto me
If I truly
Enlivened your soul
And enamored your heart
And enraptured your mind
And enveloped your body
In mine intertwined
So if this isn’t it
Anymore
The dynamic
Just let the ensuing
Depression
Be manic

Now I can really
Stop caring
Thread baring
Regaining
My bearings
Imbalanced
Repairing
The damage I’ve done
Open wounds I’ve inflicted
The monster I’ve been
In my skin
Self-afflicted

Not getting younger
Insatiable hunger
I feel in my bones now
The calm before thunder
Increasing
Insouciance
Elusive girl still
Unattainable
Pain
I sustain
Like a skill
And she will
Appear often
Go silent for days
Lead me on
Like a guide
But I’m trapped in a maze
And the turns that I’m taking
Make two rights a wrong
But parochial focus
Is narrow and long
And exceedingly dim
Down the walls closing in
As my love-maker rusts
Like a man made of tin
Any win
Is a loss
More misfortunate
Cost
And upon my tombstone
The word “Nothing” embossed

Mania’s
Micro dose
Host
Mostly harmless
Hostility felt
But at least I disarm it
Before going public
With my uncouth nature
The truth is
It’s some kind of anxious
I’d wager
And smirking
And lurking
And chuckling with glee
Appears lunacy
When it’s just me
Gloomily
Having full conversations
With shadows
And wind
But externally
Ear to ear
Stretches my grin

It creeps about seeking
A mouse to devour
Sniffing and pawing
It licks at the air
Half its ear has been torn
In a scrap of claws bared
A brief skirmish
With some
Other feral
Feline
Who might have been set to pounce
On a clean ****
But instead was left hungry
With nothing to fill
Its thin belly
And so
It continues to search
Gleaming eyes in the night
Are as bright
As a star
And I wonder
What goes
Through its mind
From afar
Try to beckon it over
To my open door
So my chronic rat problem
Might soon be no more
But it clings to the shadows
And scans about hawkishly
Prowling and preying
And eyeing me cautiously

Feel free to look
To gaze upon
Them in their natural state
Primate
A primal instinct
Culture distinct
From the hominids
Now extinct
Yet still linked
To modern man
By tribal lines
And clan demands
And faith in something greater
Than the waste of space enclosure
They inhabit
With their filthy habits
Making them seem older
Through exposure to
The elements
Like elephants
Endangered lives
Except they wield
The poacher’s knives
And guns
And hunt each other’s
Sons
And some behave
Like less than human
****
In squalid slums
So I just merely
Mind my business
Just observe
Whilst bearing witness
To existence
In its highest form
Of abject poor
Low class subsistence
So feel free to look
But heed
My solemn warning
Do not feed
Dependence on
The handout seed
Or you create
A captive breed
Where once there thrived
A species freed
From civilized
And people stuff
From good intention’s
Hellbent crutch
So look as much
As you prefer
But do not touch
Or give them birr

Though haven’t sung yet
Of finality’s
Salary
I am in debt
To its etch-a-sketch
Malady
Turn a few knobs
And we think ourselves
Free
To redraw the line,
Palestine,
Voter ID
But the ballot’s
A salad,
The word
Is a stake
In the heart of my
Blood-*******
Enemy’s fate

Yet therein still
Moments
Still haunting me
Omens
At home in
So close to you
Long have I known this
Was really the place
In deep space
We embrace
Imitating
The imminent
Dissonant
State
In which solely
My Roman
Ancestry
Unconquered
Expanding its reach
Until city streets
Wander

Into the roles
And alternative egos
I go with the flow
What you see on the stage
What you get in the show
But for students
And people
And guests alike
Making
A living
Forgiving
Professionals
Faking
For stake in
Their trade
Begets status
Is power
And cowardice
Avarice
Has to speak louder
When really
Internally
Mawkish
And meek
Is who we really are
So much deeper
Beneath

Keep to myself
No one else
Understands
What goes on in my head
And the thought it demands
To maintain equanimity
Synergy with
The divisive,
Conflictual  
Other me rift
Still adrift
Doesn’t want to be found
Or befriended,
Coerced into making his family
Extended
Would rather end such
A delusional journey
With no lessons learned
Except I was unworthy
Of love,
Happiness,
A career,
And a home
Just abandoned all hope
And embraced die alone

But I couldn’t have
Killed for you
Died for you
Hurt you
Put you through
Distance
And disconnect
Silence
Imagine my voice
Wasn’t writing you
Try this
Immediate fix
For the broken
Recognizance
She was the thoughts in my head
You were there
But one night she appeared
As a temptress
Ensnared
The I love you both
Specially
You would still question me
Ask me the truth
And then let me be
Memory

This dating app
Lack of success
Gets discouraging
Confidence boost
Then reduced
To uncertainty
All of them
Just want to play
Silly games
An inane competition
To power reclaim
But in vain
Even one simple message
Discarded
How could it have been
More appealing
Imparted
The next
Logic step
In conversing equation
I guess I’m just not
Of the sexting persuasion
Nor of this age
Long disengaged
Have I spent
Now this cyclical swipe and like
Does not relent
Just lament
For the genuine love
I have lost
Now I pay for the right
To remember the cost

The walking-by whispers
Still indicate skeptics
The stares and the glares
Still augur no eclectics
Perspective's purview
Can see through
Just what
They assume never knew me
To keep my mouth shut
Lest another linguistic restriction
Prevent us
From seeing how little is
Standing between us
Except what is visual,
Mental and muted
And misunderstood
To be more convoluted
Alterity thoughts of
The ostracized other
When so much more unites us
As sister and brother
But how to explain it,
Convey it,
Display it
Seems next to impossible
When in dismay it
Becomes yet another
Rift, schism expanding
To separate us
As if from different planets

In candor I come to you
Totally honest
Philandering days
Are behind me
I promise
Can finally be
The real me
That you wanted
And face up to all of my demons
Undaunted
For long have you haunted me
Don’t go away
And the spectral lament
Is what I didn’t say
Or compose to you
Wholly
In signature cipher
Another farewell
That you couldn’t decipher

Can’t keep on entering
Into my life
I don’t want to be vulnerable
Texting goodnight
But she makes it so easy
So seamlessly
Fluent
For once
Conversational sides
Are congruent
Not making each other the whole
Bigger picture
Just speaking their minds
As it adds to the mixture
A confluence
Coming together
The goal
I just have to see her
And the rest will unfold

Now feel it flow through you
The upper
Class privilege
And rip it to shreds
In your miscreant mischief

Forgive me assuming
You’d rather be living
Be here in my solace expanse
Of misgiving  
You’d rather abscond
To beyond where I bond
And make your
Self a memory
Dreadfully fond

Rainy seasons never end
Just render me a sodden mess
Downtrodden in unrest distress
Yet sleepy and somnambulant
Have bent me to their will’s intent
To from this place I will egress

And seek to leave the rest behind
These people need me not to care
To pity, sympathize or share
The burdens bearing down upon
Their shoulders as they carry on
And wear their rags of proud despair

And there among them, take my place
Embrace a way of life without
Utopias I dreamt about
But still a form of paradise
Despite the lack of love for Christ
An alternate salvation route

Drove past where you stay
Several times today
Waiting
Not sure if you’re there
Can’t convince you to care
The one message unrest
Is a waking nightmare
Although revery
Ecstasies
Still concomitantly
Offer some solace
To me
Intermittently
Yes, she’s alive
Maybe crying inside
But I haven’t been
Fatally
Silent
Goodbye’d

Profanity firestorm
Thirsting to burst
I would curse you,
Condemn you
Lay waste to your warmest embraces
Erase
Your desires
Ambitions
Your joys
And your dreams
As your faithfulness
Falls to its knees
Before me
And your peace of mind
Mine
To wage war upon
Endlessly
Senselessly slaughtering
Every serenity
Bashing your brains in
And slurping the juices
Tearing your limbs
As your screams
Are my muses
And drink to your death
In insidious glee
Then dispose of what’s left
Of your faint memory
Yes a fate
So befitting
An error of life
A mistaken creation
Would I so delight
In exacting
Or to be exact
Executing
But here is where my
****** weapon’s
Concluding

Approaching the edge
Of all I can stand
The last straw, with the wind
Has been plucked
From my hand
High atop
Animosity’s peak
Indignation
I boil and fume
Like a calm conflagration
Awaiting eruptions
Disaster event
I’m hellbent
On vertiginous slopes
Of descent
Into discontent trenches
Incensed apprehensions
Anxiety’s turbulent tides
Of depression
Subservient still
To its ties,
Inextricable
Licentious thrill
To lie with it at night
And ****
Any a pleasant dream
Tempting,
Tormenting me
With a promissory
Daily propensity
For apoplexy
Before even breakfast
Can further
Half-empty me

Unity
Community
What good if it
Will ruin me
What causes
That the people
Ever rally
Could get through to me
Remove me from
The confines of
A singular
Impunity
If nothing in my head
Is ever wrong
And I can claim
The tantamount
Amount of power
To whoever
Thinks the same

Mother
I wonder
How could you not smother me
Shrieking for twenty plus years
Out of infancy
Violently
Lashing out
My insecurity
Clashing with
Crippling doubt
Nothing new to me
Felt all your rage
And your anguish
Get through to me
Clearly
More resonantly
Than didactic
Could ever successfully
Teach us
The tragic
Downfall of the love
That still lives in
Your son,
In the ghost of his father
Now comfortably numb
But in baring such burdens
Alone all these years
You kept sparing me from
Far more nightmarish fears
Through reminding
At times
To the tempests and maelstroms
Of mind
We are thrown
But our interlinked hearts
See our wayward souls
Home

Now we
Can get back to
Discussing
Entrusting
Removing the time wasted
Spent over lusting
It’s just
You I want
Feel you won’t
Run away
Hope I don’t
Make you doubt me
With something I say
Or more often
It’s technically written
In stone
I’ve been too long
Avoiding
Not being alone

Who really cares
Enough to
Follow through
Or to start over
When the year changes
To new
Think you could,
But just won’t
Know you should,
But still don’t
So then why
Even try
To convince yourself
Otherwise?

And how do you plan
For the end of the world
Hold the ones
Dearest near you
Embrace the undying
No fear
Just adhere to
The deathless defying
For never were we
Even here
To begin with
And back to the same
Non-existence
Relinquish
Illusions so long
Our identities formed
In anarchical nothingness
Shall be reborn

I am hunger
Lost without her
Silent thunder
Growing louder
In the storm surges
I shower
Absolution's lust for power
In a lustrous
Gloom necropolis
A living dead
Metropolis
The coming, going
Never slowing
Profit motive
Doom foreboding
Driven by ambition
To free all the world from prison
Through a clarity of vision
By the muses I am smitten
And have given up
Enough to claim
Dominion over
My insane
Empire state of mind decay
Betray all virtues
Gone astray
And seize it all
For me someday

Basket case
Waste of space
Nobody loves me
Not wanted,
Not needed,
No gods up above me
Just waiting around
For the better to worsen
Can’t do hookup culture,
Would rather in person
Don’t want to be laboring,
Toiling away
No careers or professions
Appeal to allay
Unassuageable
Dissatisfaction malaise
And the qualms that I have
With consuming to gain
Anymore than I need
To politely refrain
From engaging behaviors
That only attain
Me a pay to play
Game of life
Simulation

But you know when I get Greek
Mythologies
I try to keep
As deep as Erebus and Nyx
Within the darkness
One becomes
Conception silences
We speak
And try to tweak  
A little bit
Because it sounds
Like I am smitten
By the afterlives
I reap
When bringing you
The sisters three
In all supremely forming me
And I am fate
My love
Just end with me
The mortal madness
Nation-state
And lend to me
Your ears
Without the judgment
Of divine
I was the rest to you
The best of who
I could be
All the time
You were my scintillating silhouette
The brightness in the breeze
You were the eons could be passing
And you’d still
Be there with me
Don’t let this little lion cub
Be checking on
Your airy pride
Don’t let this shadow of a man
Convince you
I
Was of the side
To side with anything
But real
And what I still
Struggle to feel
Was what I lost
Running away
And what it cost
To be dismay
I was the gray
And how you brought the blue
Accepting and just listening
The whispering
Of my
Conceited
Endless nightmare
Mystery
Just be with me
Surcease to see
The days we spent
In history
And please tomorrow
Write to me
Another deathless
Eulogy

Dread not the the rising of tides
And the wave
Of the refugees caught in the wake
Of our craving
For lambs to the slaughter
For unholy terrors
Instinctive, uncivilized
Carnal lust pleasures
The power to take away life
In your hand
But to live it and give it
A meaning, is man
And but one of such gods
In its envy or wrath
Undeterred by the fear of death
Paves the warpath
With the bodies of innocent
Paradise lost
Assuring destruction’s
The mutual cost
We’d all share with our prayers
Or our honest opinions
To equally suffer
These killing religions

No more than words
On a page
Is the government
Yet we are
All
Disobeying it
Some of it
Some more than others
Like angry big brothers
Big boxes of documents
Never recover
What’s lost
Are the funds
You entrust
Will secure you
Empower
Sustain
In your outrage
Endure you
So long as your faith
Remains blind in devotion
To weathering storms
Of off-shoring erosion
To bettering forms
Of corruption
Construction
To meeting their quotas
Upscaling production
Like any adventures
And exploits
Abroad
Can’t admit
Execution
Was critically flawed
As domestically
Status quo silents  
Attest
To disquieting riots
And civil unrest

Crazy girl
You’re so appealing
Hidden parts of me
Revealing
Stealing
Made to feel like dating
Kissing made
To feel like mating
Taking
Always taking more
You sound like peace
But speak like war
And contradict each word you say
Forget the day
And claim you’re gay
Or celibate
Embittered
Sick
Your honesty’s
Still full of ****
With or
Without you
I survive
And carry on
As dead inside
As sadly you will still
Remain
Without a home,
A heart,
A name

Reinventing the wheel
Like we do ourselves
Yearly
Envision distorted
Reality
Clearly
Sincerely
Deep fake
It to make it
A state
Isolating
App date’s
Life expectancy rate
That of late
Seems to sate its great
Counter-production
With more black and white
Field of dreams
Reconstruction

Boy
On his own
Now to find her
A home
Where it goes
From first steps
To the depths
No one knows
And despite how he fails
To exemplify man
She is with him,
She’d miss him,
Beside him
She’d stand
Should the aggregate good
Be excluded
From mind
And we turn
Face to fate
With the end of our time

Put all these languages
Into my own
Yet still can’t seem to find
The right words
That have shown
What she means to me
Meant to be
Not ascertained
But intuited
Nonetheless
Just unexplained
How it falls into place
How for thirty plus years
Unaware of her face
Now I see it in waking
In dreaming
Embracing
Perhaps the remainder
Of no more retracing
My steps
When the next
Foot in front of me
Guides me
To her course correct

Go on
Not noticing
Stare
Out of focusing
Dare
To be barely
Apparently
There
Just remain
In your head
In your zone
Unaware

It’s ok
We are only
Mere humans
Behaving
We can’t always care
What the others
Are saying
Or doing
What they
Must prioritize
Paying
For who they present
To the world

On displaying

Memories sanctified
Can’t lose connection
When reveries tranquilized
Since its inception
Before it was only
Alone in the night
Though enlightened
But frightened
The words I would write
Illustrated
All manner of ways
I had dated
But never this stage
Or this phase
Could seem fated
And still when the seemingly
Meant to be
Blinds me
Its years in the making
Relationships
Guide me
To doesn’t seem
Forced
Or rehearsed,
Inorganic
Just being with one
The without
Starts to panic

Could use fewer words
To appeal to the senses
The ethos, the logos,
The pathos
Pretenses
By mentioning less
What it seems to suggest,
How you’re meant to interpret
These feelings expressed

Lurking deep
Therein
The skin
The chapters
Formerly
I’ve been
And hid within
The shadow cast
Your judgments
Now my weapons cache
But only is
Its violence
Wielded
By my stylus
Shades
Of shielded
In a surface
Level
Worthless
No stone left
Unturned
Can hurt this
Novel
Storied
Introduction
Not for best-sale
Mass production
Only copy
Is reflection
1st edition
Sheer expression
Ever in my image
Molding
Meta-narratives
Unfolding

How sleep takes a hold
Of me now
Is astounding
Where formerly
Insomnia
The clock rounding
Unbound
By my childish fears
There is only
Exhaustion by day
And still go to bed lonely
Though not for a lack
Of a special companion
Just prep
For eventually
She might abandon
Me standing there
Fooling myself
To the last
I learn more from then now
Than I do from the past

No no
No thoughts for me
What are they costing me
Losses amounting
To only
Exhausting me
Lost causes
Lost track of time
Always agonize
Over the top
Of the hill
My allegiance lies
Cries on it
Dies on it
Bides its whole
Life on it
Further entrenched in its view
Stakes its life on it
Like a false flag
With a ****** of force
Buries
In roots and the soil
The toil
And wearies
The mind to more critical forms of it
Racking
The brain
With its myriad
Don’t feel safe
Cracking

As dark as I am
I am still
But a man
Understand
There’s a line
I must draw
In the sand
Of abandonment
Cast
To the castles
Ashore
To the pages
Adorned
In my love Nevermore

The one and only
Eye beholden
To a work of art’s
Emotion
Is induced,
Mass reproduced
This day in age
How disengaged
We have become
How inauthentic
Pixels dumb
Us down and numb us
To the sun
Last time I saw it through a lens
Of not on Instagram depends
To deem its gleam
Value aesthetic
More synthetic
Than cosmetic