I've spent my lifetime trying to prove magic was real. Wishing on stars and chasing nonexistent mermaids. As an adult I became disheartened and "logical" nevertheless secretly wishing it still to be true. I've realized magic is real. Magic is the connection between two people who can't stop smiling for two seconds around each other and have somehow found one another out of the 7 billion of us. It's what the french call je nais sai quoi. Its the instant connection and perfect banter that sets them apart from the rest. It's the sparkle in their eye, the reflection of that mysterious and unexplainable feeling manifested. It's the elusive feeling we spend our short time here chasing beyond all reason. Some call it fate but I call it magic.

When I spoke from my heart it penetrated the soul
That's why all those girls have never filled your gaping hole

The definition of love is distinct to each individual. The experiences throughout your lives that have shaped and defined our opinion of love. How can you only love one person the rest of your life when your versions of love are different. Love fades because priorities shift or change. Evolution is the murderer of love. Perhaps proof that opposites do not attract. And how can you rotate lovers to coincide with what matters most to you at that time in your life and the adversities that you go through together how can that affect the core and dynamic of your relationship?

You put a smile across my face
You lift me up on gloomy days
You help me keep the dark at bay
I'm unfamiliar with your ways
Somehow I manage to navigate
The twists and corners of your maze
our views, our soul, are all the same
One question snaps me out of daze
"Is love only a twist of fate?"
And if pray so do feelings fade?
Not much longer will we have to wait
To figure out if destiny is just cliché
I know I've found my true twin flame
If u dare to follow ill lead the way...

You're sunny disposition
& I'm a black cloud
I'm introverted
you lean towards loud
I lack the confidence
You're extremely proud
Your soul is exposed
Where mine wears a shroud

Searching for something to fill me up
Looking for answers in the bottom of a cup
Existential crisis, need some advice
Unfortunately reality is never that nice

You know what I'm bad at? Filling in the gaps of people. I rush to get to their nucleus and assume the best. I always imagine people to be who I would prefer them to be and end up disappointed in the end. I need to slow my process of getting to know people and let them be their flawed raw selves. But my versions always better.

Memories dance on the back of my eyelids like projector scenes
I never get to see you but at least you're in my dreams

They scream of my tragedies
Conceal my strategies  
They captivate and seem to say
Look for too long you'll be swept away

Sometimes it's hard to be yourself
When people place you on a pretty shelf  
Only to look at, never to probe
Forced to fit in their perfect mold

I ripped my blindfold, I can see
Life's not what it's cracked up to be
But these were the cards dealt to me
To convey it even remotely
I write this little elegy
To let my mind and spirit free

Showing your true colors only when you're bout to lose
Never knowing when to fold or when to pay your dues
Cannot hide your face you must really **** at poker
I know I'm not your queen cuz you are just the joker

One day I will tell my brown eyed little girl
"The world is your oyster and you are it's pearl"

Beware trespassers her rivers run deep
Your life on the line shes playing for keeps
A valuable mind and insightful heart
she'll put you together then rip you apart
She reads your thoughts, she visits your dreams
But "Nothing is ever as good as it seems"
Run faster before she catches up & you fall
The devil's on your tail & she has you enthralled
She will take your soul and steal your last breath
Your life is now hers, the sacrifice - your death

You might have executed the devil's plan
May have even pulled the rug out from where I stand
But all you really showed was your sleight of hand
Just another boy, pretending to be a man.

It is a draining job you see
Absorbing all your energy...

Just like the moon goes through phases
Love and hate we go through stages

I started to write the best story I had ever let myself imagine when it abruptly stopped. The main character's focus shifted and there was nothing I could do to change it. I looked back at it later and realized it's better if I don't pick it apart or try to rearrange the words. Or try to embellish. It's too complex to be reduced to words.

(You're my unfinished poem. The perfect ending that will never transpire.)

Stop painting pretty illusions
Instead of realistic landscapes

If I were to be honest with myself
I'm worried about my sanity
For the first time in many years
But in admitting that
Means I handed you the bullets
And painted myself your pretty target
But I can't live with that
So I'll keep staring at the face
Thats filled with haunted mistakes

I'll pretend you are not the exception if you admit for one second that I was

They say:
If they love you, then they'll return
To never let your bridges burn
But as far as I am concerned
You're just another lesson learned

Will we ever intersect
When our lines run parallel
At the point of infinity
Where only time will tell

I'm just a lone wanderer
On the long way home
No matter where I settle
My heart will always roam

But people can be so weird in that way
They say they want love but chase it away

Hidden layers no one bothered to discover
Dig deeper to what led us to one another

A side eye, a drag of a cig, a meaningful glance across a room, a smug look, a thoughtful gesture, an inappropriate whisper, a longing, a chemical shift, a comical exchange, a flirtatious remark, a witty reply, a curious inquiry, a telling observation, a childhood memory, a mutual understanding, an amalgamation.

Regrets are hard to live with
Regrets are hard to swallow
Wherever you try to run
Then surely they will follow

Feelers in tune with the universe
Synchronicity is what I crave
But when no one knows your frequency
You must wait for them to catch the wave

Sent a ghost a message
I knew it was futile
The heart does what it wants
Every once in awhile

My muse does the random favor
Where my thoughts spill onto paper
Just when I begin to savor
The complexities of nature
Inspiration starts to waiver
And then **** she's gone like vapor

I have the same premonition over and over again
"How many poems were about him?" I respond, "All of them."

Is there a word in any language that means I miss you everyday?
The absence of that word negates anything else I could ever say

Have you ever wondered what you're alive for
Yet your heart still beats, the constant survivor

I was a special little girl
Who was forgotten in this world
No one bothered to water me
Or let the sun shine on my leaves
No one told me that I could sing
They held me down & clipped my wings
They grew back just so I could see
Who I was always meant to be

I was searching for myself
A journey for my lost soul
When I felt drawn to something
And fell into your black hole
Attracted to dark matter
How could I ever resist
Who knew that getting so lost
Would be the right catalyst

Inspiration is in everything, if you look with your third eye
Muses come and go they never really die

Everyday around sunset, a tiny reflection of the window appears on the wall. My cat obsesses over it and stares at in the most peculiar way. After observing him do this daily for some time, I began to let my mind wander. I began to see this illusional window as a portal to another dimension. I began to think this shrinking light was the perfect metaphor of my life. This fleeting window, a mirage that somehow cleared the fog in my mind. An ideal escape to another world. An ephemeral glimmer of hope that briefly eases all of life's unanswered questions. An omen that in some alternate universe we are living the way we should be, unburdened and free.

Don't seek solace in the dark
Don't be afraid of the light
Don't squander all of your days
Waiting for the black of night

Are you my saving grace, are you my wonderwall
Are you my parachute to catch me when I fall
Or are you my undoing, my Achilles heel
You can never trust a man that has too much zeal

Nostalgia always haunts me
On nights that I am alone
Forcing me to resurrect
Old ghosts that have been long gone
Nostalgia go **** yourself
The ******* that always wins
I try to drown your sorrows
Hope we never meet again

Internalize, internalize
Don't let those tears fall out your eyes
Ignore the ache of your demise
Your heart is punished for it's size

I hate who I pretend to be
I always hide the real me
Caught off guard when you stole the key
Set all my inner demons free

You're ice
I'm fire
You're casual
I'm all or nothing
You're modern
I'm old fashioned
You're an attention seeker
I don't need validation
You're mainstream
I hide underground
You're lighthearted and airy
I'm the epitome of darkness

Conspiring with the universe
The moon, the stars, the sun converse.

Mental funerals, empty epitaphs
How sad it is when nothing ever lasts

Shortfall or an avalanche
Never even stood a chance
Kismet or just happenstance
Left me screaming **** romance

I've always read about people who lived in far away places. Always had my head in the clouds, my nose in a book. Settle down they say. How can I settle when I've never belonged here? This isn't my path. I'll have to blaze my own. Pieces of my heart are scattered in far away places and I'm meant to find them.

They try to break my stallion spirit
They only do so cuz they fear it
They want me to conform for them
They'll never get me, stupid men

Anyone can marry their high school sweetheart. Don't try to sell me on your watered down version of a fairy tale. Like it's some sort of an accomplishment, locking yourself in a dark room and pretending there isn't an entire world out there. That's like painting with only one color the rest of your life. I want to experience first hand every aspect the rainbow has to offer. I want to know how red and yellow make me feel. I want to try green on for a summer. I want to be absolutely sure that orange isn't for me. I want to find just the right version of blue. I'll spend the rest of my life searching the depths of the earth for deep violet if it means I'll never settle for the first color I tried on. By the time you realize you're over red, I'll be well on my way to indigo horizons.