The one question I couldn’t ask
Is how come you don’t love me back

I suppose we all grieve in our own way
I guess big hearts stay broken, don’t they?

Beholder of beauty
I wish I could find someone who sees what I see
But more importantly
I wish I could find someone who’d let me be me

I don't know what I'm doing
I cannot find my way
Growing more and more stagnant
Another Groundhog Day

Writing eases the pain
It makes me feel less alone
When the words come pouring out
It makes me feel at home

Wish I could write something to bring you back
But those type of words are the ones I lack

It’s not as if you were even my best
It just was so effortless....effortless

Poetry is like a deep well
Which your soul leaks ink from

Avoiding interaction
Dying for a distraction
A chemical reaction
Equals fatal attraction

You hate it when you feel too deep
You hate when it consumes you
But every time you retreat
Is when I always lose you

She lets boys try to read her mind
They see it deep behind her eyes
Dark orbs full of such mystery
Yet you'll never know their history

I’ll give you everything if I think you’re the one
But once I am through with you I promise I’m done

The hardest thing it took for me to see
It wasn’t for you what it was to me

Broken connection, the line went dead
Deafening static with things never said

I’m the saddest girl that ever lived
That’s why no one can match the love I give

The thing that plagued me, what I wish I knew
Was how to get back that version of you

So if your soul ever feels alone
Carve me out and build a home

My trauma, my pain molded & shaped me
Without them this version would cease to be

I’ve been writing again which means my hearts been abused
Bleeding out the words until the pain becomes reduced

How many soul connections have you had? two, maybe three?
Fate isn’t as clandestine as she pretends to be

Love holds you at gunpoint
Intentionally pulls the trigger
Hides the bullet casings
And wonders why you’re gun shy

Reality is unforgiving so I keep my head up in the clouds
Yes I’m introverted because my thoughts are way too loud

Maybe the truth would make a difference
Maybe you’re just not the one
Maybe it wouldn’t change a thing
Maybe what’s done is done

We grew together, we fused
disappearing act, once removed
We blossomed, we unfurled
But we were not meant for this world

I can’t tell you anything real
You don’t live in reality
I have to fake how I feel
It tests my own mortality

You cut me off at my most vulnerable
You rob me of my feelings
You reduce me to nothing
And Im still left wanting more

Red flags you ignore, wave a white one in its place
Just to help you escape once more
From time and space
It's all just background noise when in lovers embrace
One by one memories of you I will erase

Ignore the elephant in the room
Hoping you acknowledge it soon
All this time I always thought it was you
But you broke me because you were broken too

I’m doing it again
Thinking of how it went wrong
Dream of what it could’ve been
Before you said so long

I feel bad for my heart, it’s been through a lot
Beaten, bruised, stabbed, nearly fatally shot
Time heals all wounds but it hasn’t forgot


I feel bad for my heart....we’ve been through a lot.

Realized too late that you’re a plot with a twist
I’m not the narrator, i’m the protagonist

I’ve always used books as my crutch to escape. I see now how careless that was. I thought imagination was imperative to a creative mind but it has taken a dark turn in my adulthood. I will always search and dream for things that are not real. Inconceivable things I’ve read about and cultivated over the years. Things that are found only in between pages. I have neglected reality for temporary pleasure and now pain is what I receive.

I am ruined. Spoiled. A dreamer now.

I thought that you held the match strong enough to hold the spark
But you won't be the one finding my way out of the dark
It's not that I expect a pristine list of all your credentials
But it's a different kind of pain when you don't live up to your potential

And If you were to ask me how I’m feeling
You’re a dime a dozen, I’m one in a million

Lightness fades against the dark
Like lovers flame reduced to spark

Waiting on love, she better come soon
It's like squinting at the sun wishing for the moon

Never know how good you've got it
Til it is just a memory
Everythings temporary
If only eyes could foresee

I painted a pretty picture once
I don't think others would compare
But it disappeared somehow
Now all I paint with is despair

I don’t want your hard exteriors
Give me your molten interiors

When water signs collide
An amalgamation
How could you separate the drops
Of saturated souls

Happiness is an elusive thing
Kind of like an invisible string
You try your best to hold on
But life likes to test how strong
Promise of better things ahead
All an illusion, this single thread

God I feel like screaming
Harnessing these demons
Can’t pinpoint the reason
Life, what is the meaning?

You can lead a fool to love but he’ll just leave you on the brink

I constructed myself too carefully
now I can’t find anyone who’s like me

I marched diligently towards my own demise
should’ve recognized the executioner eyes

Everything is routine now. You get lost going through the motions. You wake up, you brush your teeth, you drive to work. You find yourself seeking temporary solace in the mundane moments. Your daily coffee. A customers compliment. A coworkers joke. You answer emails and engage in at least a few brief human interactions. You sit in traffic, you make dinner, you shower. You do some household chores and you maybe get to indulge in a tv show. You most likely have a vice but it is probably losing its allure by now. You maybe get a vacation once a year. Is this just adulthood or is this the rat race of life? How can I maximize my happiness? Where is all the joy? Where are my flashback “movie moments”?

Love vs lust I can never quite discern
Or simply human nature to always yearn

On humanity I've given up hope
All I want is a kaleidoscope
To see through souls find what's real
Too many fake people who cannot feel

I seek commonalities in strangers and fill in the gaps with whimsical fantasies constructed from my own flaws and insecurities and decipher their every word waiting for them to prove me otherwise the version I know is not accurate and I stay blindfolded yet true in my intentions

Put you in the failure file
You seem well versed in heartbreak