use your kiss
as an elixir.

Let its sweetness
counter
the sour taste
my words leave.

Let its softness
knead my neck
and shoulders.

Let its calmness
soothe
my rapid thoughts
and breathing.

Let it remind me
I am loved,
and it is you
who loves me.

Your words hit me like a catastrophe of nature
Swallowing me in like a deadly tidal wave
Washing up every ******* feeling in my body
And breaking every source of support within me.
They come at me like a raging fire
Destroying my lungs as they turn to flames
Making me forget how to breathe
Any time I think of your name.
Your words are a black hole
******* me in until there is nothing left
Leaving no evidence of our existence
And burning out every light in my eyes.
They shake me like a magnitude ten earthquake
Ripping my heart to shards
The ultimate source of destruction
For anything thought to be sure.

I could say I’m happy now
And you’ll believe me
Because you’ll see my smile,
The thin, red line on my face.

But you won’t see the one on my skin.

Who Am I

I'm outrageous, sometimes heinous,
but very highly contagious.
I'm crazy, some so lazy,
won't stop till I push up a daisy.
I'm in my prime, since the age of nine,
not a word, I can't rhyme.
Can't show gain, without some pain,
my **** don't flush down a drain.
I'm a tease, I aim to please,
if I take your picture, you better say cheese.
I'm very fictitious, even more suspicious,
get me mad and I can very vicious.
I love my pen, write words if I can,
don't need you telling me when.
I'm a believer, an under achiever,
my heat could lead to a fever.
I love to scare, leaving you in despair,
no one will or ever try and compare.
I'm a cool guy, foxes think I'm sly,
on you, I will always spy.
I answer prayers, I fix all repairs,
no one will ever peel my layers.
My hairy ***, must be mowed like grass,
my ****** berries are worth more than brass.
Don't ever mess with me, your soul I will set free,
me, myself and I makes three.
See me standing, after my crash landing,
my vocabulary is daily expanding.
Eyes wide open, heart never broken,
not sure why, but I was chosen.
Why even compete, I can't be beat,
my name is on many of street.
I'm under rated, girlfriend is inflated,
all your wishes are very belated.
I'm the name of many towns,
conceited as it may sounds,
my spirit over you surrounds.

My heart has loved so many.
Ever-changing and ever lasting.
Going farther than I could ever believe.
And yet, I still get hurt and no amount of bandages,
nor thread can hold all of my pieces together.
I'm hoping that you know I still think of you and
my heart aches because I shattered yours:
something so elegant and valuable- broken.
only now do I realize that I've been wrong
right now I find that you didn't need me at all
right now I find that I needed you. More than anything. I'm
yearning for you to share some words with me again, but I know it wont happen
and rightfully so. I said I wasn't good enough, and I believed it, now more than ever. And still, I
neglected that you were telling me otherwise. That you still wanted me around.
Distance was my problem. How I longed to turn our tangled words into reality.
I still can't step onto my porch without having my mind flood full of regret.
maybe I'll stop with all of this nonsense of 'what ifs' and 'have beens' but for now it seems
impossible. I know I
still haven't met a soul as beautiful as yours or
someone who could make me feel so full with only their words.
You were that only person.
Only you could have done that. And when I drifted out of fear that you too would drift and leave me
under the sea to drown in the misery of a broken heart, you promised you
wouldn't.
I'm complicated. I'm afraid of heartbreak. I break hearts to save mine. Before anybody else can.
The pain of loneliness is truly unbearable. I know and feel how I'm going to be this way forever. If
Hell is a place on earth, I must be living it, spending
all day going over the words you had so tenderly given. So wrongfully given. I remember when
love existed between us. How palpable and real it was. How I could
list all the ways you touched my heart. The only person who meant it. The only person who ever did.
My god how I miss you.
Your title, body, notes, and
soul.
Only I could be such an idiot.
Understand, I'm so complicated. I'm so sorry. I know you're not coming back, but I never got to say, "I
love you."

They say "A picture's worth a thousand words,"
and  it's true.
Pictures tell of things that happened.
They tell emotions, struggles and missing pieces to puzzles
They catch you in your truest form and
you cannot lie,
not then or now,
because pictures never die.
Pictures are too clear sometimes--
Too harsh, revealing details
We left blurred in our minds.
A picture is a freeze in time;
Words, that can't be spoken.
But the one thing I like the most,
Pictures don't lie...
You can't hide your feelings in a picture.
And you can't lie to the camera.

So many memories from this life
And some will be forgotten but they're
a time in the past because pictures always last

I sat awake all night thinking of her...
Much similar to many of the last 150 nights...
I have things to tell her and things to ask her.

I wonder to myself if we're ever meant to be...
She tells me no. She gives me no chance...
She has no plans to continue with me, or give me a second try.

She's falling in love with another girl. Yes, I am a boy...
That girl probably has me beat, in a multitude of ways...
That girl probably treats her sweeter than I ever did or ever would.

But I would die for this girl. She became the reason I lived.
I told her my heart beated to satisfy hers...
And it was true.

I've been in a lot of messes with her.
I've gotten myself in a lot of trouble.
I beat her down emotionally until she could barely breathe.

Much like I've been, lately.
There have been days where I want to die.
There have been days where I wish I'd never met her.

But I get past those days...and I still come to live for her.
I know she doesn't want me anymore.
I know things are awkward...that she wants to be friends, but

I can't get over her. It bothers her.
It hurts me to see her with someone else.
Every time I say something though, its a stab in her chest.

Nowadays, she stabs back.
For all of this pain, for all of these feelings, I still wish her the best.
She was my best friend. I know I'm not hers.

This journey's been tough...it has really been hard.
But I'm living for her. I'm living in hope.
Hope I shouldn't have.

I don't know what to do or say. Or how to move forward.
She knows how I feel. But I can't shake these feelings away.
I don't know if I ever will.

Lord, it bothers her so much. It bothers me.
All we do is hurt each other.
I want her to be happy, and she is now without me, but love is such a selfish thing.

I am only a young man. I am only human.
I want to experience the world with her...
And she just wishes I would leave hers alone.

I want to tell her to be okay. Not to worry a bit about me.
But here I am laying awake, until 7AM.
Here I am, life leaving me behind. Opportunities missed.

I miss her everyday. I miss her soft skin, her eyes and her warmth.
I don't know what I did to deserve her, but I know why she didn't stay.
There are better fish in the sea, than me.

But could she survive on me? Why do I even ask?
Why should I try to degrade her life, for my own sake?
I want to be around to make hers better. But someone else does a better job at that.

I've cried and puked for so long now, and did I for nothing.
It doesn't change the fact that she's in someone else's arms.
It doesn't help mine or hers cause.

But she means the world to me.
The giganticism of that statement...
Is the reason I am lonely without her.

My world is so cold, I don't want to live...
Sometimes I tell myself "Well I don't need her anyway!" but sometimes she just...
Means the world to me.

I jokingly told her that all I wanted for Christmas was her.
Unfortunately the statement was true...
And here I am sitting alone on Christmas morning in my bedroom crying over her.

I had things planned for her and I...
Events, road trips...
None of them would necessitate being a couple...but those plans were for us...us.

She wants to be friends, she told me, since I'm so upset...
She told me, "If she even loves me" she loves me like a brother...
Would she be okay spending 7 days hundreds of miles away, sharing a bed with a brother?

I really just want to show her a good time, after all.
She saved my life, became my partner, my life's meaning.
She built me back up and taught me how to love myself. She became my world...

But I really ****** up a lot of things. She inherited a broken me.
She never completely fixed me. There were cracks...
The glue fell apart under the intense heat of moments, under pressure and stress.

I need her though. If only she would come back...
But she's so happy now, as long as I'm not mentioned.
She gets horrid flashbacks, panic attacks, anxiety. She feels broken...

And all I want to do is fix her.
But she has someone else to do that now...someone so much better.
Meanwhile I continue to come undone...

Each day I get a little worse...condemn myself a little more...
Decide to throw away another plan, because she knows my feelings...
And it just wouldn't work.

She means the world to me.
My world is dark now, without her.
I'll love her like this until God knows when...

And that probably means we can't be friends...because she can't enjoy my company...
And when I'm with her, I'm like a bird in a cage, screaming to be let free.
I just want to be able to love the love of my life again.

I would have loved more than anything
For you to tell me you loved me
On Christmas
But you don't love me anymore
You just want to make sure I don't die
So you don't have to blame yourself