this is not a love letter
and i'm not
going to tell you
all the reasons
i've fallen for you

this is not an invitation
and you're not
going to waltz
into my heart again

this is not a confessional
and i'm not
going to tell you
all the things
i should've done
but didn't

this is not a fairy tale
and i am not the princess
that you will sweep
off her feet

i swallowed the sun and
washed it down with a little inky night.
now wildflowers bloom in my heart
and light fills my mind. these
words are solar flares of a
fallen petal.

the price of it all--
welded lips of unspoken words.
now other people mishear
and believe i am speaking,
but it is only the wind
whistling through
my teeth.

now i find that,
being alone is silence,
but it is never quiet.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
They both die in the end.

Sitting cross-legged in a field of grass
Sun glimmers through the trees
Eyes closed, breathing with the flow of the wind
Hands planted on my thighs
A deer gazes from up on the hill, 1000 feet away
Continue to breathe with the flow of the wind
Three feet in front, a female mirror, my best friend
Doing all the same, breathing with the flow of the wind
No words, only the sound of our breaths and the leaves rustling in the trees
No lust, instead of one with each other we become once become one of the same
Separate people
Similar struggles
Finally found the calm

I have nothing to say anymore...
I just want to look you in the eyes one more time, smile, and cry.
You're not mine.
Maybe you're not supposed to be.
Maybe someday you'll come back to me.
You're special to me and dear to my heart.
You permanently scribed your place in it forever.
Little did I know you wouldn't be here forever.
I am fighting a horrible pain, I find it hard to get out of bed nowadays.
I hope you don't mind me loving you.
I hope you realize someday how much I need you. You brought such life to my world...
Like a mother cries as her daughter departs, I will cry for you.
I found true love in you.
You've not just become family to me, you became the reason I lived.
My door is always open, I will always take you in.
I will happily provide you shelter no matter what the situation. I will always be here for you.
I will always be here to love you, if you so wish to come back.
Please understand, I wish I could spend everyday with you.
I'm sorry I thought of every day I didn't spend with you "another wasted".
I should have thought of them as working toward another day closer until the next time I saw you.
I know that my words do not mean what they used to anymore, and while I miss you everyday,...
I hope she treats you well, like you deserve, like I couldn't.  But if she doesn't, I'm here.
If you don't come back anyway, I hope the next person treats you the way you should be.
You're a gem in this world.
I will try my best for you, to crack a smile, as I shed my tears for you.

At this same time every year
I set down my poets pen
To grab a hold of my lost soul
And reign it all back in

I  close and latch the beat up screen door
So I can still feel the open breeze
But keep out the undesirables
That have control of me

I'll sit down at my morning table
Where over life I'll contemplate
This I do once yearly
To try and set myself back straight

I turn my thoughts back to my God
Who after all is my first love
A fast of sorts to wash away the worst
Of a world that never offers enough

Like the prodigal son in the Bible
I grabbed life's riches and I fled
Until I reached the emptiness
Of the life of nothing left

I'm not talking monetary
Here today, gone tomorrow
But of the very heart of man
The root cause of my life's sorrow

I'll return after a cleansing month
If after all I feel I must
But I'll leave that in the hands of God
In whom I place my trust

I love each of you and cherish dearly
Your friendship and time you've given me
But I feel I must release these modern demons
Which I sadly confess...is even poetry

How did you feel during those months?
Is it anything like I feel now?
Did you lay in bed, dead until the Sun went down?
Did you lay awake at night weeping tears (and maybe liquid crimson out of scarlet marks?)
Did you lose your desire to do what you love?
Did you forget who you were, what you stood for, and what you wanted to do?
Did you have post-traumatic stress, get anxiety and panic attacks when reminded of me?
Did you get angry, and then guilty afterwards, did you miss me, but hate me too?

Did you forget how you learned to love the simple things in life?
The shining sun, the green grass, the birds chirping?

This is really a poem about how I've been.