I’ve tickled it into his naked back,
When he’s ******* me it spools around my tongue,
I devote myself with every playful smack –
And harder still when certain smacks have stung.

I never thought I’d fall for such a man,
Who smuggles love like drugs inside a coat,
I love loudly just because I can,
The words collect like songbirds in my throat -

Or three boats arranged into a fleet,
To sit behind a hesitating sky,
Sulking with the shyess of retreat,
Billowing with every loaded sigh.

One day everything we have ever owned will be reduced to dust,
The last remnants of our lives
Scattered to the winds.
Just another child of the moon,
Another sad story.
Love and loss and laughter
Never to be remembered-
Tossed into the ocean.
Yet we see remnants of a struggle;
Names etched into stone,
Initials carved into trees,
Stories printed in ink-
All bearing the same timeless message.
I was here.
I was here.
I was here.

I feel like you can't trust anyone any more.
the people you thought would always be there for you and have your back
end up always being the one to betray you.
now you're betrayed
with nothing left
just shame and guilt
that's all you feel
having someone you can tell everything to
that you think is mature enough
to keep things to themselves
tell the people who hate you the most
everything just makes you feel so stupid
makes you feel so empty alone
they know the worst feeling to feel is alone
and that's exactly what they do
make you feel alone
like you have no one
that one person that says they'll be there for you
you cant trust them
makes you feel so good and welcome
makes you feel like family
because your actual family just hates you
turns around and stabs a 12 inch butcher knife in your back
is the worst thing that could ever happen to you
and it happened
to you
all these feelings are inside
tearing you apart
eating away
all these feelings that they knew it would have caused
caused all of them
they knew it would all make things worse
they knew it would make you upset
what they may not have know
is that it would make you want to die
but they did it all
by betraying someone
who "meant so much" who they "loved"
but did they really?
no
because if they did
they wouldn't' have said anything.
-cd

I am hurt
I am hurt more than you know
Some of it is self inflicted
Some of it is not
I am hurt very badly
Not sure if I will recover
Not that it matters anyway
You care but
At the same time, don't

I'm very sick
Mentally sick
Physically sick
Emotionally sick
I'm suffering
Not sick of you
Though you're sick of me
I shouldn't care anymore
But I do
Make me sicker
I enjoy it
Before I know
This sickness will **** me
I'll be gone

I wish for you
beautiful memories
in the coming year
and the poem-sight
to record them forever,
living moments internal,
transformed to eternal...

may the vapors
of this winter's breaths,
living, love and loss,
rise up, as smoke
to be returned
unto you,
inscribed within the

spring rains warmth,
summer's stunning,
breathtaking sunsets,
autumnal leave drops
anointing your humanity,
and yet,
one more time,
next December,
in a tear-shaped snowflake,

that upon your tongue will fall, and,
the taste thereof,
giving you pause,
to acknowledge
this singular sentiment:

the year is crowned,
let next  year's
joyful imaginings
exceed, add,
to the equity
of our lives.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i always romanticize
those past moments of
what i believe was
untainted happiness
because i am stuck in
the discontent of the
present moment, but
i'm always discontent
in the present moment
because i romanticize
those past moments
of what i believe was
untainted happiness.
i try to take life by the
throat but i don't have
the energy, and i don't
have the energy because i
have been trying to
take life by the throat.

i'm stuck in a cycle.
i am a fallen creature
and no amount of
effort or escape will
ever change the fact
of my dissatisfaction

but maybe i need
to give up and
accept that i am
dissatisfied, then
and maybe then
will i become
satisfied.