Silver Lining

Silver Lining Jul 2014

Home

For as long as I can remember-
This is where I've lived.
I've never moved.
This house, this room has always been mine.
My mother has always slept on the other side of the wall.
Then why, at two in the morning, do I find myself wishing to go home?
Why do I repeat "I want to go home." over and over.
Tears stream down my cheeks, etching patterns and trails.
Creating a map for me to follow.
But where will it lead me?

It's strange, the only home I've ever known- doesn't feel like home to me. I feel like an intruder. My family feels like my family- but I guess the house has never been the same. Not since you left.

#heart #home #family #maps

Silver Lining Jul 2014

Gambling

It's funny to think about-
Every time you lay down and close your eyes, you risk the chance of not waking up.
Every time you get into your car and drive, you risk the chance of not coming home.

We are constantly gambling with our own lives, and we don't even realize it.

Because the truth is- the only thing that is indefinitely deadly, is life itself.

Silver Lining Jun 2014

One Day

I long so badly for the day where I can wake up next to you.
I'll wake up before you, I already know. You've never been a morning person.
But I am- So I'll wake, stretch my body out next to yours.
And I'll lay on my side, or on your chest and listen to your calm breathing.
In and Out.. so peaceful and welcoming. Because it doesn't matter how many times we fight, you see. We will always be right here- in this moment. Breathing in the same space and time, a rhythm held onto by our unconscious minds.
Dreams twirling together, like our fingers the night before.

#love #relationships #him #cuddling

Silver Lining Jun 2014

Nights Like These

Sometimes you're hurting and you don't know why.
Or maybe you do know- and you wish you didn't.
What can you do when there is a raging storm inside you?
How do you let it out without seeming weak?
I'll be the last person to ask for help, I do not go to others when in need.
I rely on myself, and myself only- but maybe it's time to step back.
I can't do this on my own and I can't seem to form the words to ask.
I'm drowning in my own bedroom and yet I can't cry for help.

I feel so utterly hopeless sometimes. I suppose this is one of those times.

#helpless #depression #help #hopeless #drowning #nights #struggling

Silver Lining Jun 2014

Untitled_3

Sometimes I just feel really sad.

And I don't know why.

#depression #nights #silentbattle

Silver Lining Jun 2014

Split Conversations

You need to do it.
                            I don't..
Yes you do- and you know it.
                            Stop. Go away.
Just do it already you big baby.
                            I'm scared.
Why? You've done it before. It's not a big deal. ******* go.
                            What if Mom hears me?
She won't. Do you want to lose it?
                            Yes
What are you waiting for then?
                            (sigh)
You need to do it.
                            (Shaking)
...
                           (Gives in)
Feel better?
                           No.. Yes. I don't know
You do.
I win again.

We are our worst enemy.

#fight #split #battles #enemy #conversations #splitconversations