Silver Lining

Silver Lining Jun 2014

A Simple Question With A Complex Answer:

"What does it feel like?"

It feels like you're encased in concrete.
You can't breath.
There's needles lining your lungs.
It's bone crushing.
It feels like your head is spinning, instead of the earth.
You can't think straight.
There's a sea of rocks in your stomach.
It's heart wrenching.
It feels like someone took your heart, right out of your chest.
You can't feel it, not until
There's a stone wall to hurl it at.
It's a shattering empty jar across the wall.

But it's all worth it.
Every second of fighting and pain.
Because at the end of the day,
We still have each other.
And we always will.

"It feels amazing."

#love #fight #amazing #truelove #fightingforhim #feelslike

Silver Lining Jun 2014

I'll Always Come Back

Sisters are eternal best friends. They are suppose to love each other through thick and thin.

Sometimes a sister is the only person you feel like you can talk to.
Other times, shes the reason you can't talk to anyone.
They are suppose to be the person that you can trust most.
Sometimes they are the ones who take your ability to trust.
They're the only one that can make you laugh when you're ready to cry.
Or maybe they're the only ones that can make you cry.

It doesn't matter to me, what kind of sister you are. You could hate me- cut me off- not speak to me for years

But the second you need me- I'll be right there.
I'll always come back to you.

Which are you? *Sister* or Sister?

#love #trust #lost #hurt #family #sisters #fights

Silver Lining Jun 2014

Old Blue Jeans

Fraying at the seams
Like a pair of old jeans
the cuffs worn and tore
stained and strained.
Stepped on
Used to dance to every song
summer nights in the dark
sand ingrained in the fabric from the park
Thrown to the side as you run to the lake
Resting under a tree, their future opaque.

#blue #ryhme #lakes #oldjeans

Silver Lining Jun 2014

Alcohol

Alcoholism took my father away from me.
I watched him destroy his life from the age of five.
When Austin left us- I watched his life shatter completely.
I started to plink away on the piano.
Then he started to pick up the pieces.
He got his life together, remarried, and is trying to repay a lost childhood.
So I continue to play.

Now, I'm watching both my sister's life come to crumbles at the lips of a bottle.
So I play louder.
One has gone to rehab for drugs and alcohol.
She is getting better- back on her feet.
The other has moved out and cut off communication with our Father.
So I keep playing.
I'll write a sonng or two for you-
and I'll wait for you to come home.

All I've ever known alcohol to do- is destroy.
And people wonder why the smell nauseates me..

#hate #alcohol #destroy #family #hurting

Silver Lining Jun 2014

Trigger Warning

Rules**

Drink a large glass of water before you eat.

Take small portions and spread it around your plate.

Cut everything into tiny bits so you lift your fork as often as others.

Wear tight clothes to remind yourself.

Keep close count of calories.

Don't let one slip destroy the day.

Get your **** together for your family.

Wait until doors close.

***TRIGGER WARNING***

Lately the thoughts have been getting stronger. It's getting harder to tell myself that things are okay. Family is causing a lot of turmoil.

#eating #ed

Silver Lining Jun 2014

Allergies

I think I'm allergic to eating..

I wake up the next day to soft blue blotches on my thighs
And angry red lines on my hip.

#eating #ed

Jun 2014

antxthesis

Little Girl

Hey there,
little girl,
yes you little girl,
stop crying,
stop lying,
I know you’re trying little girl.
You’re smarter that you think, t
hrow the sharp silver down the sink,
open your eyes, no more good-byes
you can fly, little girl.
You have a purpose
don’t be nervous,
you can work this, little girl.
Don’t let that boy corrupt your head,
with those derogative things he said,
he’s crazy,
don’t be lazy to tell him “NO!”,
little girl.
Don’t let those girls bully you,
crush them like dirt under your shoe,
you can do this,
I can prove it,
listen to me,
little girl.
And if your parents are quarreling,
close your eyes and start to sing.
In a minute it’ll be over
and they’ll be sober, little girl.
And if you’re parents don’t treat you right
and every time you’re in a fight,
count to three, close your eyes and let the music be your guide.
When you can’t sleep at nights and
deep inside you want to cry,
look to me,
I’ll be your friend and put your tiny head to bed.
Who am I?
I am hope, here to free your body, mind and soul.
Let me be your best friend.
Hey, guess what?
You’re beautiful little girl.

#love #peace #depression #hope #beauty #smile #selfdoubt #littlegirl