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181 · May 2018
one hundred and forty
a mcvicar May 2018
flush me down the drain
sing to me words of despair
that bleed midnight blue ink
18.5.18  /  exhausted
179 · Mar 2019
fall flat on your flask
a mcvicar Mar 2019
in a world of able bodies
are you able to perform me?
reaching into deepness & honey
the bass in our voice sounds lovely
but some treble is, quite frankly,
the one thing that we find lacking
in our mono-universal cell beats
in our silly English breakfast tea
reach into the tranquil divided personality
and pull out a couple vodkas & martinis
a long night awaits us out in the city
the elder travellers used to whisper quietly
but now they're just dust-
do you ever just hate anything you ever write
178 · Jan 2019
359
a mcvicar Jan 2019
359
can we panic now?
while we wait for the rhinoceros
to stomp us all down
24.12.18
178 · Sep 2018
254
a mcvicar Sep 2018
254
meghan trainor's voice
seemed to pierce through my elbows
hurt the first time around
9.9.18
177 · Dec 2018
347
a mcvicar Dec 2018
347
nearing the deadline
shall i do this for 365 more days
it tires me so...
12.12.18
177 · Sep 2018
255
a mcvicar Sep 2018
255
any chance that i get
i'll be here sipping madness
hating self-pity
10.9.18
177 · Jan 2018
haiku; thirty one
a mcvicar Jan 2018
i have no patience
or time for people willing
to be that stupid
31.1.18 / why be rude when you can just shut up and leave me alone?
176 · Dec 2018
346
a mcvicar Dec 2018
346
still, it'll come back
like the thought of a born-still child
sick to my stomach
11.12.18
176 · Jan 2018
x
a mcvicar Jan 2018
x
so i reached out
               panting
and suddenly i was
              touching
the sky, in all its
          mystifying
glory, was
        iluminating
everything i had ever called mine was
                  falling
cascading onto the floor and almost
              crashing
into all my sentences, that were
              sleeping
on the floor, and
               waiting
to be finally awoken
24.1.18  /  tried something new. what are your thoughts?
176 · Sep 2018
240
a mcvicar Sep 2018
240
i hate the feeling
not in particular, i
might just hate feelings
26.8.18
176 · Jan 2018
tws
a mcvicar Jan 2018
tws
i just want to be able to feel okay again
-ten word story
15.1.18  /  21.32  /  i love these ten word stories
175 · Apr 2018
joder
a mcvicar Apr 2018
ahora ven y me explicas
el frío que hace en mi puta casa.
1.4.18
175 · Jan 2019
361
a mcvicar Jan 2019
361
parties for bored people
silly string ties us together
we dance as one dancer
26.12.18
175 · Apr 2018
one hundred and nineteen
a mcvicar Apr 2018
rubber against teeth
nervous crackles of laughter
three days 'til monday
27.4.18  /  in need of a breather
175 · Jan 2018
sorority
a mcvicar Jan 2018
vocal chords were built like
guitar strings for a reason:
for voices that will not be silenced
but will only be greatly amplified,
for people that won't be slaughtered,
for the son, the lover, for your daughter.
for the solidarity or the sorority
we must remain invincible, stronger.
25.1.18  / women are so much stronger standing by each other's side
174 · Apr 2018
107
a mcvicar Apr 2018
107
the importance of
recognising a long war
and not despairing
15.4.18  /  help will come...
174 · Mar 2018
march
a mcvicar Mar 2018
a personal ovation for the ones
left fearless.
when you've suffered six minutes
plus twenty seconds in hell,
you've suffered enough to stand up
and scream at those who'd rather you sat down

BAN ALL PASSIVE BEHAVIOUR
THIS IS MATTER OF LIFE AND DEATH
THE YOUTH HAS BECOME ACTIVIST AND REBELLIOUS
THE YOUTH HAS BECOME UNDEAD

Never
Respect
Armed men

who'd shoot (BAM BAM BAM)
upwards towards those who stand upon us,
or
the ones who scream mercilessly
WE WON'T SHUT UP.
this day of march we march for our lives
indignant and poignant,
rebellious and alive...
this fateful day of march we march for our lives,
because your guns aren't worth extinguishing the light in all our eyes.
25.3.18  / proud of all who went to the march. i would've gone too if i lived in America. proud of my brothers and sisters.
174 · Jul 2018
managed to make it rhyme
a mcvicar Jul 2018
if you're gonna send a dagger my way
make sure your shield is
Up To DATE
'cause i'm ******* at your attention ***** ways
and i'm ******* turning in my grave
174 · Feb 2018
haiku; forty six
a mcvicar Feb 2018
apply pressure to
the vice around my forehead
want to see my brains?
15.2.18 / migraine
174 · Jan 2018
haiku; twenty one
a mcvicar Jan 2018
someone that loves you
on your make-up days and on
your smelly days too
21.1.18  /  13.33  / wait for me, i'm coming
173 · Jul 2018
one hundred and ninety five
a mcvicar Jul 2018
my friend is coming over
a party for pink glitter hearts
but we're just gonna watch movies
12.7.18  /  and cry probably
173 · Jun 2018
one hundred and fifty eight
a mcvicar Jun 2018
reject this and that
i wonder why i do this
picky with my sins
5.6.18
173 · Mar 2018
haiku; ninety one
a mcvicar Mar 2018
scatter biscuits now
all over my precious floor
and promise them smoke
30.3.18
172 · Feb 2018
haiku; forty
a mcvicar Feb 2018
i wanted to write
something nice to please your eyes
there was nothing left
9.2.18
172 · Apr 2018
haiku; ninety eight
a mcvicar Apr 2018
bullet cuts through dark
horses, and people scream twice.
terminal idiots.
6.4.18
172 · Jun 2018
one hundred and fifty four
a mcvicar Jun 2018
countdown to the *****
smoky burn in my nostrils
choke me 'til i sleep
1.6.18
171 · Oct 2018
276
a mcvicar Oct 2018
276
cold broken teenager
hopes her little tiny innocent heir
won't trace her footsteps
1.10.18  /  she'll grow up so fast
171 · Sep 2018
252
a mcvicar Sep 2018
252
come back to the land
of the roses in red hands
of old sameness
7.9.18
171 · Sep 2018
247
a mcvicar Sep 2018
247
days for reckoning
"i'll tell you my sins and you
can sharpen your knife"
2.9.18
171 · Sep 2018
260
a mcvicar Sep 2018
260
stone cold bench stone cold
bench stone cold bench stone cold bench
stone cold me stone cold
15.9.18
170 · Sep 2018
243
a mcvicar Sep 2018
243
it seems simple, right?
the red string and the red dot
go together once and for all
29.8.18
170 · Apr 2018
one hundred and five
a mcvicar Apr 2018
unreasoned anger.
always ready to explode?
at half-past innocents
13.4.18
170 · Jan 2018
haiku; twenty six
a mcvicar Jan 2018
as exhausted as
i am, i can't seem to catch
a vacation at all
26.1.18
170 · Mar 2018
haiku; seventy six
a mcvicar Mar 2018
ghostly cosy day;
the spirit of good times prevails
i wish i wasn't here
17.3.18
169 · Oct 2018
277
a mcvicar Oct 2018
277
a breaking casket
would the corpse pummel out, water-like?
or would it float up?
2.10.18  /  random thought
169 · Dec 2017
sit tibi terra levis
a mcvicar Dec 2017
it's crazy how someone can be
slowly recovering
but also
hurtling
               towards
                              the end.
17.12.17  /  18.27  /  almost at the funeral home
169 · Mar 2018
symphony of illusions
a mcvicar Mar 2018
i guess confusing cherry tree petals
with falling fresh snow
might just be a metaphor
for whatever's held in your soul.
but you should know
that the snow always starts to go:
when the sun rises (up!)
the snow is all gone.
21.3.18
169 · Jan 2018
eye of the beholder
a mcvicar Jan 2018
she was not pretty like a flower
not like the moon, the stars,
the planets, burn candles
in fact, she was one of the ugliest people
i had ever looked in the eye
because she laid bare
and gave you this stare
that meant so much to someone so lonely
like me, i could see
every pattern engraved on her soul
she was no one;
but she was definitely someone
to be recognized, by the sheer force
and willpower in her demeanor
no, she was not pretty
she was strong, the way iron is
when it is still withstanding
the hardships of weather and time
beaten down but holding on
for dear life; she was so, so strong
oh, i thought she was beautiful
beyond the grown over eyebrows
and all those other trivial features
as i stared, she winked in my direction
and commenced her transformation
changing into the very epitome of who i want to be
determined, lovable, dependable, free
29.1.18  / she was all of this, unfortunately she didn't even exist
168 · Sep 2018
244
a mcvicar Sep 2018
244
closer to choking
on black smoke and copper tears
London screams, distantly
30.8.18
168 · Feb 2018
haiku; thirty seven
a mcvicar Feb 2018
try to justify
the restlessness in my nest
it feels so hasty
6.2.17
168 · May 2018
one hundred annd forty two
a mcvicar May 2018
i'm ranting and squealing
the autopilot won't work
i hate all my words
20.5.18  /  i've ranted about this before. i'm sorry, i know it's unnecesary but i have to let it out.

so, i'm wiritng a book. it's a small one, 30 pages of my own poetry, and i've scraped it all again. i set myself a deadline, 11 days from now and i have nothing. i'm blank, again, and i hate everything i've written so far. i really don't want my brain's autopilot to write this book for me but i have to write something. it's meant to be a gift but... who knows? maybe the talent that everyone tells me i have is just water droplets on paper. i just spit out sometimes and people seem to like it... but what if people tell me  i'm good for the sake of a compliment but not in a critical way. 'cause you can't really say to someone, to their face, "hey, all your feelings on this piece of paper are written like ****. try again". *** am i supposed to do...


UPDATE: i have amazing friends and they've re-motivated me. dear god i love the werid bunch of people that have my back. thank you.
168 · Apr 2018
haiku; ninety six
a mcvicar Apr 2018
kids play on branches;
broken branches forgotten
by time, space and moss
4.4.18
167 · May 2018
one hundred and forty three
a mcvicar May 2018
smiles and shoulders
long ago in a faraway land
come and meet her again
21.5.18  /  sorry i'm so inactive, i'm fighting to come back
167 · Jun 2018
one hundred and sixty three
a mcvicar Jun 2018
sweet and salty cigs
the low-key rising of bile
please go back to sleep
10.6.18
167 · Mar 2018
haiku; eighty five
a mcvicar Mar 2018
warm tea to warm me
starred city shines in my eyes
cold cup with warm me
26.3.18
166 · Jul 2018
hi
a mcvicar Jul 2018
hi
i guess it is
'cause i'm sinking into the old feelings
of unawareness and hatred
for everyone else
166 · Mar 2018
haiku; eighty nine
a mcvicar Mar 2018
***** shaking
unquiet feet, tippy tap
all in black leather
28.3.18
165 · Nov 2018
313
a mcvicar Nov 2018
313
bad days, unlucky numbers
tired of wondering about our wanders
the end seems far away
7/11/18
165 · Feb 2018
55
a mcvicar Feb 2018
55
burgundy red blues
pink petals begin to bloom
brown splattered green hues
24.2.18
165 · Sep 2018
275
a mcvicar Sep 2018
275
she feels up-to-date
feelings in row like organised forests
still, an itching prevailed
30.9.18
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