someday i want to wake
in streams of sunlight
and messy bedsheets
just to roll over
and feel you stir
against me
blink the sleep from your eyes
and sigh
i'd want to kiss you goodmorning
make you tea
and read the newspaper
or maybe just be
with each other

there's something to be said
about the magic of
mornings

We could be friends
With memories
That we try to suppress

We could smile at each other
Passing by in the halls
And forget to take route
Where we surely meet

We could wave to each other
From across the room at prom
Whilst entwined in the arms of
Someone else

We could congratulate each other
On graduation day
Before rushing off to celebrate
With families and friends

We could say goodbye before college
One last gathering
Before we go our
Separate ways

We could meet again
Fifteen years from now
And reminisce on the good old days

We could be friends
And wonder
If we could have been

All I wanted was a fairytale
A handsome prince
And a white horse
I looked for magic
In people and places
Who knew nothing of the sort
I dreamed about roses
And dancing in the moonlight
Forever hoping that one day
I would be swept off my feet

Maybe fairytales exist
You proved that magic exists
But you also showed me
The thorns in the rose
I've been waiting in this tower long enough

Even the stars
Seem dimmer tonight
Blowing cold air into
My bones
Weighing me down
With the weight
Of a million galaxies

Even the stars can't save me tonight

I don't want to go home
Where your presence lingers
In my sheets
I can't keep pretending you are there
I can't keep pretending you want to be
Sleep is the only escape
But you stole that from me too

I think the sight
Of you hiding in the shadows
Watching me lose my breath
Lose my mind
Will haunt me forever

I wonder what you were thinking

Maybe I'll drive home recklessly
And leave myself behind
You told me not to
But I don't know
If it matters
After all
I guess I'm just another girl
You flirt with
Nothing but
A number

Your life today
Won't be the way you live forever.
Just give yourself the chance
To see your life get better.

I miss the feeling
Of being tangled up with you
The touch of your lips
Brushing my forehead

It scares me
When you come too close
All these feelings
Hit me at once
Leaving my heart shuddering
And my head spinning

I've never been a fan of vertigo

It's been almost two weeks
Since I last felt
The smolder of your lips

Things aren't getting easier

Maybe one day
I'll come to terms
With the truth

I am not yours
And you do not want me

I lingered
A second longer
Because all I wanted
Was too look up
And see you coming towards me
But you turned out the lights
And I was alone

Why can't I
Stop loving you?

The problem with creativity
Is the fantasies my mind
Entice me with
To disguise the reality
That I'm trying to
Ignore

Pump me full of adrenaline
With your passion
Then leave me smoldering
With your secrets
And compromise
Give me a thousand miles
A sprint only gets you
So far

Love is not an
Obligation
Love does not come from
Pity
So don't tell me
What you think
I want to hear
The truth is better than
Any lie

After midnight my mind
Becomes a graveyard
Haunted by
What-if ghosts and
Could-have-been ghouls

Their whispers might make me insane

I haven't been sleeping lately
You're wandering into
My thoughts
And keeping me up
You haven't said you love me in a while
I wonder if it's still true
I don't want to keep you
On a line like you think I do
I can't lose you again
I don't think you get that
Because you think so lowly of me
That I'm starting to believe you
I can't handle your disapproval
You make me want go insane

I've been missing you lately
I've been missing us lately

I'll be the Rapunzel to your Eugene
Because you climbed my walls
And showed me the light
I'll be the Rachel to your Ross
Because you're my best friend
But part of me will always
Wish I was more
I'll be the Allie to your Noah
Because every fight ends
With more love than before
I'll be the carbon to your organic compounds
Because even though there may be
Some negative reactions and unstable bonds
In the end we can't be successful
Without each other
I'll be your crying shoulder
And relieve the weight of the world
From your own
I'm not perfect
I cannot always be what you want
Or what you need
But I will always be here
Trying my best
Hold my hand
And I promise
I won't let go

You say the reason
You can't let me go
After all I've done to you
Is because there's a tiny thing
In your heart
Just something
That tells to
Not to let me go
You don't know what that something is
But I think I do
Because I have it too

I can't let you go
Because part of my heart
Is made up of
You
And I think
Part of your heart
Is made up of me
Too

I could get drunk
Off the smell of your skin
And the taste of your tongue
But now you taste like ***
And the breath of
Someone else

Maybe if I get drunk by myself
No one will stop me
From erasing all the pain

I can drink myself numb
And cry myself dry
Until I feel nothing

I'm sick of feeling too much
All the time
Maybe I'll get drunk by myself

I've never liked the taste
Of hard liquor
Because it sets me ablaze
Burning me alive
But this empty bottle
Is more like lava
Scorching me slowly
Leaving me numb
Just the way I like it

I never knew what the word dysfunctional meant
Until I met you
Because our relationship
Is completely
Hopeless
Expendable
Malfunctional
Complicated
You don't feel anything anymore
Because of me
I took everything you had
And hung you out to dry
Left you broken and empty
And then took some more
I feel too much
Because of you
You stormed into my life
And took my breath away
Gave me every emotion I've ever felt
And some I never knew existed
We hate each other
For everything we've done to another
But we love each other
For everything we've been through
I want to scream at you until my throat bleeds
Then collapse into your arms and cry
Because even though you're the one
Who breaks me
You're the only one
Who can fix me

I told you I wouldn't write this poem but bad love poems are my calling so here I am
I asked too many questions tonight that you answered too honestly but isn't that what I wanted?
I showed you too much of me tonight that you didn't need to see but you did exactly what I needed you to do
I let my emotions get the best of me and here I am on the floor begging for it to stop
Tonight you didn't read my mind
You didn't cheer me up instantly
Every word only reminded me exactly
Of the world I gave up
I'm torn between my own greed
And the need to give you everything that I never could
I told you I wouldn't write this poem
I hope you know I didn't lie as much as I was trying to convince myself that I could handle losing the best thing that ever happened to me

Cotton ***** on a field of glass
Suspended by a thread
Clinging to last resorts
Lazily chase each other
And I float among them
Wishing I could never
Come down

Funny how the memory
Of two simple words
Can cause such
Staggering loneliness

*don't go

Falling asleep
Would be a wonderful way
To die
To simply
Dream forever
To sail among the stars
With your lost lover
For an eternity
Nothing can be so bad
When you're
Dreaming

What do you do
When you love someone
But they aren't
What's best for you

to my ladies out there
who need to take
a little time
for themselves
once in a while
listen up
you are nobody's last resort
you do not always have to be there
you are not a toy
you can do it
so stop convincing yourself
you can't
wipe the tears off your own cheeks
pick yourself up off the floor
put away the Ben and Jerry's
hold your own girl
be proud of yourself
because nobody does you
better than you do

I can't read
Romance novels
Anymore
Because every kiss
The characters share
Makes me long
For your
Presence

I know exactly how your lips will feel
The moment before they brush mine
Yet your kisses never fail
To take my breath away

I know exactly the path your fingers will trace
Along my cheek to the back of my neck
Yet your touch never fails
To electrocute my skin

I know exactly the look in your eyes
Before you lean your face towards mine
Yet your gaze never fails
To paralyze me

We are an oxymoron
Inexplicable
But we are also puzzle pieces
Perfectly seamless

Digging a little deeper
In the pit of my
Worthlessness
You crush me
With the weight of your
Unspoken honesty
And pent up
Hatred

I cannot describe the feeling
That pulses through me
Every time your lips
Dust across mine
With a smile

My only explanation
Is each kiss
Causes another crack
In my already
Splintered heart

You make me so mad
It blinds me
I'm choking on my words
Trying to
Spit them
Down your throat
I won't play your games
I'm done
Feeding into your little
Twisted fantasy
I'm the only person
Who isn't afraid
To tell you the
Truth
To your face
It's not my problem
If you can't accept
The truth
And an apology
Enjoy eternal loneliness

Do you want to know why
I write so much poetry about you?
Yeah
Sometimes I wonder too

Maybe it's because I never wanted
To be over you
You neglected me for months
So I forced myself
Out of love
But never really fell
Out of love

Maybe it's because you're my best friend
Or you used to be
Things will never be the same again
As much as I wish
They could be

Maybe it's because you're the first
Love of my life
And you're still so present
It's hard to be around you
And not be in love with you

Maybe it's because I cant move on
The way you are
I don't want to fall in love again
Because I don't want to forget you
But you're trying to
Forget me

So ill keep filling this space
With empty promises
And for-the-nights
I'm not ready for a new lover
Maybe you are
I have no right to care anymore
But I still do

Sometimes I wonder why

The worst part
About walking away from
The very thing that
Saved me
Is that I don't
Have a
Choice

Let me pour my heart out to you
But you aren't allowed
To listen
Because my heart
Doesn't speak with
Sound
If you want to know me
Watch me
Notice every deliberate angle
Listen to my quivering limbs
Let my fingers tell you my wishes
My toes will tell you my fears
The bend in my spine will tell you
My weaknesses
The hesitation in my core will tell you
My passions
The truth is ingrained
In the pull of my muscles
Across fragile bone
Do not listen to the words I speak
Just hear my breath
Take notes from my body
Let me show you
The story of my
Life

The sunlight streaming
Through the open window
Kisses my face good morning
And creeps under my eyelids
My mouth tastes like cotton
And bittersweet regret
I slide off the bed
Out from under the tangled mess
Of blankets and my innocence
A pack of cigarettes and black coffee
Beckon me
I lean over the iron balcony
Over the foreign cobbled street
A cancerstick dangling from my fingers
Wrapped around a delicate mug
His dress shirt flutters around my bare legs
In the morning breeze
Eyes closed, I feel the cigarette slipping
He rolls it coyly around his fingers
And takes a slow drag
Before leaning against the railing beside me
This stranger and I

I sit alone at the bar
Lazily swirling the last bits of
***** and ice
Around my glass
The sweet stench of smoke
Clings to my clothes
And seems to settle in my crevices
Over the muddled din
Of pool tables and conversation
A voice at my ear
A hand at my waist
A pair of convincing eyes
Against my better judgement
I leave my drink at the bar
Along with my
Dignity

I want to stargaze
With someone
Who wants to have a conversation
About the universe
And their life

I want to explore
With someone
Who will climb over
Roots and rivers
And uncover secrets

I want to drive
With someone
Who will just talk to me
Over winding roads
And long lost paths

I am not looking for a lover
I do not want to be replaceable
I'm not concerned with getting
Swept off my feet
I can stand on my own

I am looking for a friend
Someone who will call me at 3 AM
Drunk and crying and seeking advice
That only I can give
I want a best friend
Not a lover

I'm afraid to close my eyes
Because in my dreams
I still feel your
Touch

I can't wake up to that kind of pain

I don't want to
think about
You
anymore

*please stop

I wish I could keep this moment
Put it in my pocket and save it
For a rainy day
When the world reflects my mind

I wish I could save the sunshine
As it glints golden off
Emerald leaves
That dance and whisper
In wind's soft caress

I wish I could save the silence
As it wraps it's fingers
Around my swollen heart
And holds me close
So I don't feel so alone

I wish I could save the grass
It's expansive touch
Enfolding me in a blanket
Of sweet memories
To ease my mind

I could stay in this moment forever
But if I did
I might lose the next one
And who knows
It might be better

So I'm the *****
Because I kissed a boy
Who likes girls and *****
A bit too much

But you're going after
The girl with a steady boyfriend
Who you know will fall for you
Like she did last time

Tell me how it's fair to call me names
And say I'm a bad person
When you're no better
Yourself

I will not
Kneel at your door
And beg for you
Back

I will apologize
In some hope
That you will
Forgive me

But I will not
Grovel at your feet
As if
I cannot live
Without you

I gave you
My apology
I will not beg
I will wait
Don't expect me
To come running
After you
If all you do
Is walk
Away

hey there eugene
it's me
rapunzel

i've been wanting to talk
but i know you're hurting
it's my fault
so you don't have to
keep reading
but i'd like it if you did

i messed things up tonight
i tried to step out of
my tower
into the big kid world
but i tripped
and fell on my face
like always

i told you i wouldn't do it
i promised i'd stay safe
i tried to keep
my promise
but see, someone stole from me
he pulled on my hair
and called my name
i didn't want to leave
my tower
but i let him
pull me down

eugene im scared
i hate this tower
i wish i knew
all of it's secrets
but i'm still learning
now, that fall taught me a lesson
i know i needed
but how many falls
will it take
before i learn?

you trusted me tonight
and i know i
let you down
so if you're still reading
im still lying here
with a bump on my
head
to match the splinters in my
heart
i can't get back
to my tower
without my
eugene

i don't deserve your help
i don't deserve
you at all
i'm greedy for
wanting you to
stick around
and help me up
when i fall
but i've always promised
to brush you off too
please do not forget
how i healed the **** on
your hand
im trying to heal the ****
i left on your
heart

i need you eugene
i hope you
don't hate me too much
after all
you helped me
see the light

i havent written in months
i can put my emotions to words
my jumbled imagination
that flips through thoughts
like they're
tv channels
i never needed to write
i could speak with movement
telling my story
through the tips
of my fingers
to the soles
of my feet

but im writing now
ive been writing
quite a bit
because my language
grew mathematical and cold
i bragged of numbers
i was paraded around
like an equation
that praised technicality
you took my voice
and gave me legs
but made me speak
in your language

take your legs
take your language
this is my voice
this is my soul
i won't ever let
anyone
take it from me
again

you and i will never stargaze
like you promised
in a message
so i couldn't see you
lie

you and i will never see the city
like you promised
to my face
but i still heard you
lie

you and i will never meet again
i promise
you *******

you and i may not speak
in a week
or a few months
you will forget we happened
i might

you are full of empty promises
and i am full of too much hope