for a moment
i thought
i could do this

i could be someone else
someone new
someone foreign
out of character

i don't regret my experiences
because they make me
who i am
so i won't regret you
i'll just regret
how you happened

so that's not me
i'm not someone else
i'm not what anyone expects
i'm not willing
to give my all
for someone who gives me
nothing

i'll figure me out someday
but in the meantime
i'll make more mistakes
like you
and not regret mistakes
like you
and learn from mistakes
like you

so thank you
for being a mistake
because now i
know

when you're sad
i'll rub your back
and play with your hair
along the back of your neck
and hold your arm
or your hand
and let you
cling to me

when you're sad
i'll recite poetry
about toothbrushes
and bicycle tires
and long lost
love stories

when you're sad
i'll sing to you
or hum because we both know
i can't sing
i'll be rapunzel
you'll be eugene
and at last
we'll see the
light

when you're sad
i'll bring you to a river
so the water
can drown out
the sound of
your sadness

when you're sad
i'll be there
your crying shoulder
your pillow
the one you can
trust

because that's what best friends are for

im searching
for what we had
in careless lovers
uninterested
in stargazing

they're searching
for what we had
in careless not-so-innocents
craving
affection

i play this lie
speaking my lines
perfectly
all too aware
that i am just a
number

i cannot be careless
with love
i don't want to
waste myself
i'd rather be alone
than play this
game

I hope someday
When you've grown up
Figured it out
Moved on
I hope you remember
The girl you met
At freshman homecoming
How you swore it was
Love at first sight
I hope you remember chasing her
For a whole year
Vowing to never
Let her get away
I hope you remember loving her
And her loving you
Under the stars
On the dance floor
In her car
Secret nights spent
Driving aimlessly until
Silence fell easy
I hope you remember losing her
Giving up on her
Watching your love fade
Realizing only after she left
Exactly what you had
I hope you remember her
Your high school sweetheart
Your first true love
Your best friend
She won't forget you

I cannot write this poem
My words simply
Do not do it justice
I cannot tell you
Exactly how I feel
Words have no meaning
My only chance
Of communication
Is my body
My limbs speak a language
Without words
Merely motion
Sometimes sound
But lately it seems
That my body has grown
Tired
And can no longer
Spell out
My thoughts
I'm losing my language
My native tongue
I cannot speak

When we were young
We believed our parents
Could never be wrong
We wanted to be just like them
Because they were perfect

Then we grew up a little
And we changed our mentality
Parents don't know anything
They don't know what I'm going through
They can't possibly understand

And we'll grow up some more
We'll be away from our parents
Shaping our own lives
And we'll realize
Maybe they do know something after all

People come and go
Friends lovers enemies
People change and disappear
But parents never cease
To love you

That boy who says
He could marry you
Isn't worth it
If he can't accept your family

That girl who says
She will always love you
Never can
If she doesn't love your family

I wanna get drunk
Belligerently drunk
To the point where
I can't tell
The difference between
The lie on your lips
And the truth in your eyes

"i'm fine"

like i've never heard that before
on long lost nights spent
pleading to save a life

like i've never said that before
on an everyday basis
trying to convince myself

like i've never lied before
because no one really
wants to know the truth

like i've never been lied to before
even when i saw you
roll your sleeves down

like i'll believe you.

the moon rests her heavy head
on the horizon's weary shoulders
and skips stones of hydrogen and helium
across a jet black pond of her doubt
scattering schools of gravity
and kicking up clouds of gas and dust
leaving them to settle in a
carefully disarray of beginnings

if you're the ocean
mesmerizing and strong
i'll be the night sky
stricken with stars
blending endlessly into the other
seamless

the rain taps his
drumming song
on my windshield
but even he cannot
drown out
the sound of your
absense