Yippee I’ve won
The lottery
Picked some numbers
Now out of poverty.
Buy a big mansion
Buy a Rolls Royce
Let’s have a big party
Let’s ******* rejoice.
Buy a big jet
Sights to see
Attract beautiful
Women
just right
For me
Spend spend spend
That’s what I did
Unfortunately
For me
I had only
won
Twenty quid.

Bill and Ben
A couple of
Gay men
Like to smoke
Some ****
They liked
Their pots
Gave ******
A shot.yes
They did
Indeed.

Bill and Ben
A couple
of dead men
There pots
They did
Bleed
Bill and Ben
A couple
Of gay men
Should have
stayed with
****.

I’m Still running,
Running
Up the track,
Being **** scared
Never looking
Back.
Stations to the
Left of me,
Stations to the
Right
Still I’m running
All through
The ****** night.
See
I was sitting
On the
Pub wall
Drinking
Lots of cider,
Then out of a
Tree
Came a
ten ton
Spider.

Good old violent Jane
You can’t accuse of
Being plain,
She has no understanding
She might be a bit insane.

She has no empathy
Her feelings have gone awry
Being angry with people
Will always make her cry.

30 odd emotions
Poor Jane gets quite confused
When she go's of on one all
Her friends are all bemused.

They say she’s a character
But her behaviours
Are controlling her
Good old violent Jane says
She can only concur .

Faraway woman
With faraway eyes
Please come closer
And make me cry,
Faraway woman
With tender touch
Faraway woman
I want to fall in love.
Faraway woman
I sense you are kind
Your scent of a woman
Just blows my mind.

Donald Duck
And
And the first lady
Mouse,
A comedy duo
Playing in the
Disney house.

The FBI
The CIA
Organisations
That have had
there day.
Donald Duck
Is now in charge
Don’t bother
With the criminals
Just Leave them
at large.

Donald Duck
Gone orange
He’s been busy
With his quill
Now look
WHO,s standing still.


The ****** in the Disneyland
Sorry the therapist in the
White House has a difficult
job To do
Donald and Minnie
Don’t Not have a clue.
maybe.
maybe.not.

I walked a crooked mile
Had to many pints
Of Guinness.
While Zig zag walking
It made the locals smile.
Half an hour later
Should be nearly home
Im going to have a chatter
To the big white telephone.
Late for work
Might get the 45
After a good Guinness
Session it’s good to be alive.

I am this
You are that
You wear a beret
I wear a hat
I am what I am
You is what you is
I hit the target
Sometimes you miss.
Life isn’t flat
We deal with that.
I touch that
You touch this
You hit the target
Sometimes I miss
Standing in front
Of  each other
wearing just a hat
I think we can
Both deal with that.

Sweet Caroline
Amazing grace
Brooklyn roads
Lead to a
Beautiful place.

Kentucky woman
My crackling rose
Red red wine
Had tasteful prose

Cherry cherry
My porcupine pie
Stones would play,
I was done to soon
Song sung blue
Under a purple moon

Solitary man
Forever in blue jeans
Had fantastic poise,
Every September morn
Made a beautiful noise

Desiree made me
A loving believer
Made love on
The rocks
I just couldn’t
Leave her.

I am alone
Dark is my room
The cockroaches hide
Black roses can’t bloom.
Windows don’t let
Through the sun
In my room
There is no fun.
I think I’m the
Living dead
Stuck in a book
That no one has read.
I am alone
Dark is my room
Serpents and demons
Bring in the doom.
I need light
There is no light
I need love
There is no love
I need
There is no need.

It was a
coldish night
When through
  the darkness
Came just a
flickering of light
A ghostly apparition
Started to appear
We went ****** cold
Frozen with fear.
It looked like it
Was out to have
Its ghoulish fun.
Bottom lip sank
We all turned
Which way and
Began to run.
I ran in hid
under
The bed
The other kids
Scarpered in panic
Nothing else was said.
It was my mum
Having some fun
With a  white
Bloodied sheet
Dressed as a skeleton.

Drinking my
Millionth
Bottle of rye
Ten thousand
Years old
I cannot die
One year I caught
Small pox it
Still didn’t
Put me in
a wooden box.
The French
They chopped
Me head straight
off
They new it
was stupidly wrong
Then my mum went
And Sewed it straight
Back on.
A vampire drained
Me body of all
my blood
Still wouldn’t die
Even if I could.
Please can someone
Have an idea
I don’t want to live
Another year.
If I can’t it’s only time
I will have to drink
A lot more wine.

My sweet lady of the night
Send me into the morn
You took me to the limit
Took me higher than before
Loving you is easy
It takes the way the pain
Stopping all the bad thoughts
Which are imprinted
On my brain.
My sweet lady of the night
Thoughts of you i smile
Bring me back down from heaven
And close your pearly gate.
I’ve got work tomorrow
And I am going to be
****** late.

Happy i am
Dancing in flowers.
Happy I am
Feelings are great
Happy I am
Going on a date.
Happy I am
A dinner for two.
Happy I am
I must not rant,
Happy I am
Not to
get excited
And piddle
My pants.
Happy I am
I just got paid
Happy I am
I’ve never
Been laid
Happy I am
Like champagne
In a coffee cup
Im staying
Undateable
Because
He never turned up.
Sat at the table
Put on a smile
Felt undateable
Still un-relatable
Not happy I am
I feel deeply cut
Looks like
Another night in
With me legs shut.

Im not Spartacus
Im a cowardly  fellow
Not fighting
The ****** romans
They must
think I’m
Yellow.
I use my wits
To stay alive
I Use my brain
So I survive.
Im not being
Punctured by
A Roman spear
******* lot
Im out of here.
Im not Spartacus
Pinned to a cross
Go on fight those
Romans
It’s your
bloodied
loss.
Not for me to
Die on pastures
Red
I want to get old
Before Im dead.
Spartacus Spartacus
On a cross, so deflated
All your followers
Have been liquidated .
Im still
alive a
Roman slave,
Better alive
Than be
in a grave.

Ducking for apples
In a bowl of hot fat
Bet you a fiver
You can’t do that.

Drinking cyanide
From a coffee cup
Bet you a fiver
You can’t stand up.

Licking electricity
Cable
in the bath
Bet you a fiver
You won’t
do this
for
A laugh.

Bet you a fiver
You won’t
Jump out of a plane
Without a parachute
While
Drinking Guinness
From a champagne flute.

Bet you a fiver
You won’t do that
Stick your head
In a big cow pat.

I’ll do anything for love
I bet you a fiver you
will do that.

Beatles had
their yesterday
Bowie had his
laughing gnome
Elvis in his ghetto
With his
gramophone.
Frank Sinatra
Flew to the moon
Kirk Kobain
died to soon.
Janis Joplin
Mr cohen
Had there
Chelsea hotel
From the sky
John
Denver
Fell.
oh well.
Johnny cash
Had his ring
Of fire,
Ian Dury
Who had his
Rhythm stick
Whom I
admired.
Buddy Holly
Had his
Peggy sue
When he died
She felt the pain
His music
didn’t
Die
on that plane.
Many artists
Have passed Away
Some were just
having a laugh
Some went drug
crazy
And died in a bath.
Jimmy Hendrix
Alvin Lee
still play the blues
It will be
On your turn table
It’s up to you
To choose.

The chimes of your bell
Never to return
You went to your death
My heart will burn,
Im lost without you
I will have to pray
That our chimes
Can be together
One summer day,

Loving you
Is wonderful
Loving you
Is fine
Loving you
With devotion
Loving you
So divine.
Loving you
With passion
Loving you
With desire,
Then you open
Up your mouth
It’s like stepping
In a mire.

Solved a problem
It wasn’t wise
I brought a gun
Someone was going
To die
Nobody was listening
I was going insane
So I put a bullet in my brain.
Solved a problem It wasn’t
Wise if you got a gun
Well something dies..

Strictly come dancing
We came together
My dancing partner
Was a talented *****.
We danced the tango,
then the foxtrot
Then she gave a cough
And one of her legs
fell off.
The whole experience
Did not go to plan
We had to withdraw
From the next dance,
The French can can.

Gingerbread man
Gingerbread man
Running hundred
Metres as fast as
You can
Up to the winning line
He tripped
He gave a cough
And his head fell off.
Tragedy for the
Gingerbread man
His head falling of
Wasn’t in his plan,
Crossed the line
Ginger had finished
The race
Not before the dog
Ran on and ate
His tasty face.

Lyrics are drowning
While the
Music plays on.
Splashes are getting
Bigger
from this
dying song.
Staves are crumbling
The music
plays on,
waves are
Devouring
Notes
of this
Grand
old song,
Clef is going down
With a sinking stave
Notes are not in order
Starting to misbehave .
Crotchets and minims
They don’t agree
All of this rhyme
Was lost deep in
Middle C.

Sleeping cornfields
Waiting for the sun
Fawns are grazing
Morning has begun.
Dew upon the
Meadow green
Waking pastures
So serene.
Wind is whistling
Through the trees
Birds upon the breeze
Fox and hares do there
Morning dance
It’s such a pleasure to see.
Pathway walkers
Bring in the morn
To catch a glimpse
Of the baby fawn
Slice of cake and a cup
Of tea
Breeze is in my face
Countryside mornings
Can you think
Of  a better place.

Your reaction
Last night a
Little to rough
All I was doing
Was calling
Your bluff.
I wondered if
Violence
becomes you
Clearly now my
Bluff was true.
I know the cover
Don’t make the book
So this little matter
I shall overlook.
please forgive me
For testing you
Like this
Can I come closer
And give you a kiss.

BBC and the sycophants
Brown tongued individuals
In silky underpants.
Jimmy the leader
Left with a ***** stain
Ooh do you feel the pain.
Platform for propaganda
Just like sky,
they
Like there slander.
This new image that
They try to portray
Is still full of sycophants
In a Shakespeare play.
Brown tongued individuals
Playing  the game
Deep inside it still
Won’t accept the blame.

Mr snowman
Made from
flakes
Bringing it
in from
The cold was
big mistake.
This was sad
As I feared
The flaky
white
Snowman
disappeared.

Ten out of ten
I do rate
The Daleks
Tip top
Deadly great,
A lot of ****
Going on at late
We need these
Daleks
To exterminate.

A camel with one ****
Could do better job than
Putin and Trump
Please please don’t leave
It to late,
Get  the Daleks
To exterminate.

Royal family
I know it’s
To late
Buckingham palace
Should have shown
Prince Andrew
The golden gates.
Me
I would of got the
Daleks
to exterminate.

All this crap in the world today
Where terrorists come out
And like to play.
Just call the Daleks
Whom I rate
Dr Who won’t mind
Let them exterminate

I yelled in anguish
Dropped to my
Knees as if in pain
What he said to me
Was a nectar  to
My brain.
Forty years of
marriage
Thinking we will
Do the course
Now he’***** me
He wants a
******* divorce.
I did agree
he said now
I am free
Unbeknown to him
Six months earlier
I had won 30 million
On the lottery.

On the cusp
of greatness
Then a twist
Of fate,
I really can’t
Recall the
Time or the date.
I should have
Turned left
But I turned right
Thats when I was
Hit buy a shining
Bright light.
When I woke up
Laying on the
Hospital bed
I had nobody
Just a ****** head
What sort of life
Will I have?
the doctor
Said it’s your call
Look on the bright side
You’ll make a good
Football.

Blue eyes crying
In the rain
No more teardrops
Down the drain
If I could get
Out of these
Chains
I would bleed
Your throat.
Black eyes crying
In the snow
Im all chained up
Nowhere to go
Release me from
These steel chains
So I can eat your
Delicious brain.
Green eyes crying in
Inclement weather
All chained up
Tarred and feathered
Looking forward
to the hangman’s noose
Your so lucky these chains
Aren’t loose.

Into the valley
We ran with speed
Round the lake
Where the fishes feed
Down the footpath
Across the field
All this excitement
Didn’t get the appeal.
In my haste I had
Joined a race
Why was everybody
Running at a different pace.
At the end at the
finishing line,
Came in last now
That was fine.
I might have done better
If I had read the signs
Wasn’t my fault Im
Totally blind.

Have you had
One of them days,
He’s packed his bags
Not left a note
Just walked out
With his hat and coat.
He’s not all there what
Dos he think
He’s left washing up
In the sink.
Have you had
One of them days
I shall not fret
Im going to the
bookmakers and have a bet.
No more slamming of
The door shut I am
Putting television on
Sitting on my ****.
He will come back
Lured by the scent of the rose
Looking glum
Looking dimmer
Then the **** can cook my dinner.

Can you remember
Cosmic Dave
I was a fan
Of this star man.

Who woke up
With little Suzie
After a night
A little *****.

10cc always came
In handy
She flew me
With passion
My friend Mandy .

Tricky Dicky
Clever Trevor
Dury lane theatre
They still play together

Who remembers Roxanne
And her red light
Policemen visited
Her mostly every night.

Caroline a diamond
Billie Jean a thriller
Formed a band with
Bonnie and Clyde
They called themselves
The killers.

Mickey and Jessica
They did like Jude
But things went scary
When along came Mary
Now not
cool young
dudes.

Brian the snail
Turbo fast
Entered races
In Every race
He came last.
Raced the tortoise
Raced the sloth
Kept on racing
But still he lost.
Brian would race
With a sluggish
Smile
Lost to the hare
By a country mile.
Brian the snail
Raced
Ellie the elephant
You guessed it
He lost
but at a price
Brian was duly
squashed.
They retired his number,
Number seven
So Brian the snail
could race
Again in heaven.

What was I doing
Im so abhorred
I went and
brought a
Taylor
Swift record.
Don’t get me wrong,
She puts on a great
show
Buying her
records
No No No No
I think I was transfixed
By her lovely red lips.
Piercing eyes
I brought that record
And
I don’t know
why.

Just watched a film
The Battle of Verdun
Where the
French and the Germans
Looked like they
We’re having fun.
Lots of fireworks
Brightening
Up the sky
Then I realised
They were there
To die.
Who in there right
Minds come up with
These  horrors,
People never knowing
Their Tomorrows.
They didn’t learn
From the Somme
Really O,Riley
Humans are dumb.

Started at the top
Downward slide
All my happenings
Fell away wide.
Falling with gravity
Everything’s
A tragedy.
Spiralling emotions
Looking Into the abyss
Darkness is looming
Death won’t go amiss.
Kneeling at the edge
Of doom
There is no turning back
As Im falling
Everything went
Coldly black.

Rubber ducky
His real name is Bert
Turned down
United
To wear the
City shirt
Ducky was a red
But now a blue
It’s only the
Supporters
Who stay loyal
And true.

Afraid of Clare she
Drove me insane
Lost all my hair
Now Im in pain.
Said to Louise
Never to part
Carnivorous *****
Went and
Ate my heart.
Tried dating Marie
She broke my back
She was wonderful
No charm no tack.
Never was one
To hold on to
a sinking raft,
I just think it’s me
I am to flipped
Stupidly daft.

Solved a problem
With employment
Uneducated me
Im raising the school
Leaving age
To just sixty three

Solved the problem
With guns and the poppers,
Give mothers free Durex
They do make good
crime stoppers

Solved the problem
Of being overweight a
Diet that has no doubt
Don’t let anything
Through your opening
You’re  Big  north and south.

Solved the problem
Of  a noisy neighbour
So I did my friends
A kindly favour
With my money
I brought a gun
You can guess
What happened
I had some fun.

Solved the problem
Of the driver who
Drove carelessly
With speed.
Semtex I put
under the dash
When it went of
He died and crashed
No more accidents
Caused by speed
Because this *******
Driver is pushing up
Weeds.

Solved the problem
Of society’s crooks
Cut of their hair
Charge up the chair

Solve the problem
Of media trolls
There arseholes
Slush and slurry
When they order
A takeaway
Put lots of arsenic
In there curry

It was a secret
I made a rocket
For safety sake
Kept it
in my pocket.

Going to fly it
To the sun
Sceptics are
Trying to
Spoil my fun.

Thinking of
Flying to the
Moon,
Unrealistic
Haven’t made
A big enough
Balloon.

My original
Plan was to
Surf the stars
But my
Biscuit tin
In trial run
Didn’t get
That far.

Thinking of
A master plan to
Travel the world
In a bake bean can
This little excursion
Never got
Of the ground
Me metal tin opener
Couldn’t be found.

Libraries have
there bibliophiles
***** feeders
have there dens
Vincent had his
paint brushes
Enid Blyton had
her pens.
Churches have there
Stories about
good and bad
Asylums have
there straight jackets
For people who
Go mad.
Dr Jekyll has Mr Hyde
An iceberg needs the cold
My old grandad
Needs a wig he’s
Going awfully bald.

Making sense
Of your lies
They  just tare
me apart
Your my man
My lovely man
You live inside
My heart
Don’t lie to me
If you don’t care
I will love you
Everywhere.
I don’t know
Why lovers cry
I suppose
it’s because of
All those
little lies.

A smile from you
Will open a door
A smile from you
The fish will come ashore.
A smile from you
The church bell rings
A smile from you
The nightingale sings.
A smile from you
Time will stand still,
A smile from you
Warmth fills me within.
A smile from you
The dead will rise
I know that smile
I have become wise.

Colours of the rainbow
Arc through your heart
Sunny days rainy days
Please hold my hand.

Waves of your emotions
Come piercing through
Your eyes
I will never question you
Please be by my side.

Loving and fire oozes
From your touch
I need the warmth
and passion
Am I asking too much.

The aroma from your skin
Sunshine from your mind
I’ll try and make you happy
Till the day we die.

Can boundaries
Make society stable
Do’s electricity
Need a cable
Do we serve
A flag
When willing
And able
Do many words
Make up a fable
When a horse bolts
Will it need a stable
Can disability
Make you enable
Can you sell an item
Without a label
If you chop me legs of
Will I come unstable
Can you drink lots of
Of alcohol and drink
Me under the table
Have you got a garment
Made out a sable
I’ve had enough
Of this stupid rhyme
Im going home
To have *** with Mabel.

I have a flaw
Loving I’m not
Born twisted
A bad shot.

A closed door
Un sung song
Born twisted
Oh so wrong.

Mother crow
Father a ****
Liability me
Fancy that.

Never to be old
So ****** cold
Sickly of heart
Blackened lung
I was destined
To die so young

I did die
No tears were shed
So all my flaws
We’re put to bed.

Into the grave
I was put
I was unhinged door
Finally shut.

Rubber ducky
Is having a laugh,
****** led his
People down
The wrong path.
History has a habit
Of repeating itself
No more wealth
No more health.
When the the
Rubber duck
Can’t have his day
We all know what
Happened down
capitol way.
Best of luck to the people
Who voted in the duck.
Always be careful
History books lie
Open the wrong pages
People die
God bless America.

Sometimes I fly
Like a hawk
On the wing
I like to hear
The bluebells sing
Sometimes
I laugh
Sometimes
I cry but
Most of all
I want to die.

I’m a raspberry ripple
My sky is never blue
A twisted  bitter *******
What am I to do.

Sometimes I dream
Of a better place
So I can get out
Of the human race
Find me some bluebells
In which I can lie
And pass away and finally
Die.