The poem killer
On the prowl
Doing ***** deeds
****** most fowl,
Grammar wrong
Will erase mistakes
Post on line
As works of fake.
Smelling mistakes
Words not smelt right
Poems will  die
without
A fight.
The poem killer
Poets dread
That their works
Will never be red.
These doggerel rhymes
Not fit to reed
As a righter
Shall I **** seed.

Loneliness is
Happiness
In a
Peculiar
Way.
There is no
Right there is
No wrong,
Everyday
A different
Song.
Boring sometimes
I do agree,
I’ve always
Been lonely
That’s just for me.
Hey ** I got
A cat
That’s right
A matter of
Fact I’ve got
A cat.hey **.

80 years on from
A terrible plight
Footballs tribalism
Still ain’t got it right.
Hatred is hatred
What happened
To the Jews
May one day might
Happen to you.
Colour of the shirt
Colour of your skin
No matter what
Religion
Hate creeps in.
Religion tribalism
Is it in the shirt
Think about the
People who get
-ucking hurt.
80years on from
A terrible plight
Fascism is growing
This can’t be right.
Humans are stupid
Hatred will not cease
Because there’s no
Profit in ****** peace.

Enigma of stone
On hallowed land.
In winter the snow
Shall coat,
The wise old owl
Is having a cuddle
With a nice
and friendly stoat.

Hydra and the nymph
Warming their
minds to spring,
The northern lights
Do a dance
As the blackbirds
Begin to sing.

Rays of sunshine
Summer has begun
Hare’s and bluebells
Do a jive
Enigma of stone on
hallowed land as the
Countryside comes alive.

Green turns to brown
As the warm air fades
The onset of winter
draws near,
The stoat turns to the wise
Old owl and says let’s
Get the **** out of here.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I would rather
Bonk a pig
Than make love
To you
I think the missus
She hit me of course
Now the cow is filing
For a divorce.
Still I see
romance ain’t dead
So I shot the pig
And ate it instead.

Women care
About their  hair
It makes them feel good
To the male of the species
They just wish they could

My cat Molly
A loving cat
Died of cancer
And Thats
Just that

Every avenue
Blocked and dark,
Flowers are not
Blooming in the park.
Future looks bleak
Full of sorrow
Days of darkness
Are starting tomorrow.
Factions are restless
There upsetting the quo
A shroud of not knowing
As the cold wind blows.
Days and nights fold
Into one
This is the day
War has begun,
Now in the mornings
Around the lake
The flowers in the park
Know they’ve made a mistake.

Don’t get the picture
Bemused befuddled
Edges are frayed
In our  jigsaw puzzle.
On the table
Strewn across the floor
Pieces of the picture
Don’t fit anymore.
Once we were
An orchard
Now a apple
And a pear
We our
Not heeding
The signs of
A dying love affair.

I am a
Pretty flamingo
Totally weird
And completely
purple,
I Think my mum
Mated with a
Loggerhead Turtle.

Woke up this morning
Thinking this and that
Then in strolled
the family cat
with *****
great rat.
Sat down for breakfast
I was eating
this and that,
Cat was licking its lips
After eating
the ***** rat.
On went the radio to
Listen to the tunes
On came my favourite
99/red balloons.
Cat relaxing on her
favourite seat waiting
for the tune called
tiger feet,
Midday came
Midday went
It was my birthday
So time to receive
The present
My wife had
brought me
A lovely
horned goat
The cat just smiled
And left
with its hat
and coat.

Elon musk
He’s the man
Carries his
Wallet
In a van.
Donald trump
What a bloke
America will
Go up in smoke.
Vladimir Putin
With his war
Machine
Sabre rattling
What dos it
All mean
Kier Starmer
No political nouse
Not sure what he’s
Doing in parliament
House.
Assad what have you done
Runaway to Russia
To live under
a communist sun.
Joe Biden  leaving
His house of white
Red necks moving in
Will turn into a fight.
Oh dear.

There was a man called Dave
A man of not many words
One of his witty sayings was
You can’t polish a ****.
He Liked the smell of money
Told jokes dark and
humorously funny,
In his company
You would dare not to blink
You might have missed him
Trying to Buy you a drink.
He Liked a little flutter
Would gamble on a horse
More than usual lost
it was
Just A matter of course.
Worked as a lineman
They called him BT
Used to mend the phone lines
Yes For you and me,
A man for all seasons
A man for the girls
He will now be sorely missed
Now not in this world.

Tinker tailor
Soldier spy
Opened
A laundrette
To wash and dry.
Contact this
Foursome
If you need
Something
Washed out
Of your life,
Maybe a mother in law
Maybe your wife.
Contract washing
Cleansing out
Phone the laundry
We’re out and about

Powers to be
Decided
to give
Me
an OBE
For my services
To Charity.
This award
I had
To dispute
Because Charity
A lady of the
Night was
A local
*******.
Powers to be
Sometimes
Get it wrong
So I gave
Charity the
Well earned
Gong.

He liked
To cross dress
My darling reg
Of to parties
With his
Meat and
two veg .
Blonde wig
Make up on
Always liked
The limelight
Always made
A scene
An ode for
Reg
A gorgeous
Wonderful
Talented
Drag queen.

Troubled mind
Troubled soul
Troubled with anger
Troubled with cold
Troubled emotions
Troubled with love
We are mucked up
By all  of the above.
Trouble with me
Trouble with you
Two mucked up
Lovers without a clue.
Trouble with trouble
It sticks like glue
To erratic people
Like me and you.

Im a little snail
My girlfriends
A slug
Isn’t it funny
They ridiculed
Us
Just because
Michelle
didn’t
Have a shell,
All my species
Can go to hell.
We will get
Married walk
Down the path
We’re determined
To have the
Last laugh.

Candy red
Apple lips
Gorgeous
Figure
Loving hips.
Beautiful eyes
Sharp of mind
Loving nature
Truly kind.
Angel  wings
Sprout from
Your back
Courage
Forever you
Will not lack.
Your cheeky
smile
Could turn
Back time.
Please if I ask
You nicely
Leave me alone or I will
Get a restraining order
Out on you.

Knock on the door
There she stood
Woman of my
Haunted dreams
I couldn’t hold back
I had to scream.
*******
In she fell
It wasn’t fun
Meeting the wife’s
Skeleton
She did say to me
You’ll never be free
I’ll haunt you
You ******* for
Killing me.
I smiled and
Didn’t know what to say,
Something tells me she’s
Here to stay
It can be hours of
Creative fun
Living with the
wife’s skeleton.

Lying on the floor
Naked wearing
Only a pork pie hat,
The first thing
I thought you can
do better than that.
Hour glass figure
Hair in rollers
With your style
My lovely
You should be
Wearing a bowler.

What came next
You guessed it
I didn’t have ***
And do all that
I was hungry
And ate the hat.

Now that you’ve gone
I am not alone
I will blossom
I will flower
Never again
will I cower.
Now that you’ve gone
I will create
I will aspire
When I was with you
You crushed my desire.
You told me
I was plain
I shall never,
ever have to
Listen to you again,
Now that  you have gone
I have found the
reason to live
And to belong.
You were once the icing
On my chocolate cake
Now I know
In hindsight
This was
A mistake.

Dreaming Im floating
In the depths of dark
Im swimming in the sea
Being chased  by sharks.
Running through fires
Bombs dropping from sky
Flying with butterflies
In these dreams I die.
I crawl down the stairs
Being chased by the dark
Midnight is coming
The clocks start to bark.
Im out with the fairies
Surfing the Milky Way
These nights I dream
I come out to play.

Blood runs cold
Down blooded steel
No time to reflect
On how you feel.
Soldier oh soldier
Stalwart and true
The lives you take
Become apart of you.
Corrupting thoughts
Haunting your mind
Taking your eyes
Where the sun
Don’t shine
Barbed wire soul
Acid shot eyes
Aftermath of war
Mother cries.
Blood runs cold down
Blooded steel
Ask for help
Before god we kneel.

****** de
****** do
The simple
Life of a
Piece of poo

Never a winner
Better out
Number two
Was his best
Shout.

****** de
****** do
Time out
For him
Was a day
In Looe

****** de
****** do
The simple
Life of a
runny poo
On a day out he
Liked to meet
His best mate
Stinky Pete.

Your touch
Sends shivers
Down my spine
You are my lover
Sweet taste of wine.

You are the cherry
On the perfect cake
I love you
There’s no
Mistake

I have no lies
Only truths
Always open
Never aloof

Lips on lips
Skin on skin
Warmth of a touch
Warms me within.

Both
Being deaf
Both
Being blind
Having touch
That’s just fine

Imagination,
Our hearts
Entwine
Together
We make up
Our own
Sunshine.

Our skies
Are dark
We don’t
Have much
We get our
Loving
Simply through
Touch

Sweet.

I love
These islands
Of love
They call
The Maldives
Lovely place
Lovely people
Beautiful weather
Deep blue sea.
White sand
Between one’s toes
A beautiful place
Where ******’s
Go’s

Farmers like
to muck
the pigs,
Where judges
like the boys
With flowing
wigs.
Where *****
Women keep
An eye out for
You
Now this
is an island
Reality can do.
This love island
Im going to give a bash
Because I’m a ******
With lots l cash.


.

Lungs are tight
I breathe in fear
Eyes are painful
No shadow to cast.
Im in my room
My temple of doom.
How long will this
Panic last.

Xenophobia
People strange
Fear of the unknown
Fear of change
Lungs go tight
Breathing shallow.
It is not right.

Anxiety will squeeze
Anxiety will freeze
No blossoming spring
No summer sun
No autumn rain
Anxiety
the fearful pain.

Needing to be heard
Sociably inept
Communication flaw
My words  have no depth,
I try to converse
You don’t hear what I say
It’s like having a script
But no where to play.
Words are like land mines
I’ll say the wrong thing
Then everything goes
Haywire and the
silence begins.
Then I think how
To put things right
I might as well have put
My head in a bucket of *****.
Then she says get your
Head out the ***** if you don’t
You won’t be having *** tonight.

Tell me a story
Of truths and lies,
Lots of intrigue
With a web of spies.
Street corners and
Shady dives
Crooks and gangsters
Trying to stay alive.
Information being
Brought and sold
Gangland killings
Leaving victims cold.
Every black suit
Trying to make a buck
Headless chickens
Not giving a cluck.
As night follows day
And all said is done,
Nothing like a cup of tea
And a lovely currant bun.

Im sat in a puddle
There’s been no rain
Eating cheese
And cucumber sandwiches
Life’s never plain.

Im sitting in my bath
In a bright clown suit
No hot water
Just puréed fruit
Life’s never plain
Bonkers inane.

Im swinging from a rope
My life has passed
It’s all been chaos
One big farce
Life’s never plain
Please let it rain.

I wandered lonely
With my raccoons
With a back pack on
And their
Bassoons
We were heard
Before we were seen
In the mountains
In the cities
Blowing out tunes
And reciting ditties,
Townsfolk would
Take there pills
Following us blindly
Into the hills.
These crazy tunes
Would make
them hyper
My raccoons
Had
Became the
Modern day
Pied piper.
We cleansed streets of
The human race
We took the homeless
To better place,
These raccoons
And their bassoons
Are coming to a town
Near you soon.
You will hear us
Before you see
You don’t need
A ticket the
Music’s free.

Cat hairs in me fridge
Cat hairs in me tea
Cat hairs in me coffee
Cat hairs on me
Everyday I hoover
Molly likes  it to
Im fed up of hoovering
But what can I do.
She is an adoring cat
Never misbehaves
She’s  still
A hairy cat
Can’t get myself to shave.
Molly the fur ball
Hair everywhere
Really my lovely
I just don’t care.
Hair on my bed
Covered by her fleece
Me and Molly
All curled up
Seemingly at peace.

Rhubarb steak
Kingfisher stew,
Any food you like
This chef
will
Cook
for you.
Bees on toast
Hedgehog in honey
Put your order in
Pay your money.
Skewered rat
Roasted cat
Soup of the day
Escargot and bat.
Warthog eyes
Testicles of horse
Nice and tasty
Your main course.
Goldfish roulade
Salt and vinegar cream
Washed down with
***** of goat or a
Bottle of Jim Beam
A little appetiser
To finish the meal
Two nice crackers
With pate of seal.
Michelin stars
Five at most
Special of the day
Are
Spleens
on toast.

Looking at you
With reddish eyes
Emotions burnt
Inside have died.
All you have left
Me
is hurtful tears
Heartbroken and
Chards of fear.
You trampled over
All our dreams
Blood in my veins
Became a polluted
Stream
Heartbroken
Lost my zest
I gave love a chance
And failed the test.

Running into the forest
I was skinny as a rake
The story starts here
It was a stupid mistake.
I had not eaten
Became very weak
I came across this cabin
Thats when I heard
That shriek.
The door opened wide
Appeared a woman in white
Nothing seemed natural
Nothing seemed right.
I slept through the night
The sun rose at dawn
Then what I saw
I wish I had
never been born.
The woman of the cabin
Had no flesh on her bones
All of a sudden felt oh so alone
With her out stretched hand
She took me to her bed
This was when I realised
I to was dead.

Caught the 707
Pan Am plane
We took of speedily
Up into the rain
Flying along
In the sky so blue
There’s where my
Luck changed
when I met you.
Passenger sitting
In seat number 1
Oozed class and style
So I sat in seat number 2
Sat there for awhile.
She looked at me
Weirdly then asked
If I was stupidly inane
She said get out of the **** pit
Im trying to fly this plane.
Then this man came in
Wearing a braided hat
I said I am sorry
for this wrongful mishap.

My name is Dave
I survived the plague
I did my best
I built a nest
Right on top of
Of Mount Everest.

My name is Rick
I survived the titanic
I did something daft
Ordered an taxi
And got the Kon tiki raft.

My name is Ronald
Survived Chernobyl
It was tricky
I pulled a sicky
I moon lighted
I was so delighted
I do not regret
I went to the ascot races
And had a bet.

My name is Stan
I survived the war
They call Vietnam
Ate my beans and
Stayed in the can
Lady
was with me
Anything goes
I got to know
Nursey Vietnam rose.

Riding
along
Im a
Nuclear
Bomb
Top of the
The world
Singing
A song
I was
Up there
Where
I belong
Yippee.
I had
To much
Charm
To do any
Harm,
Maybe I
Could work
On a sweet
Little farm
Maybe
Go swimming
In a nice
Cool tarn.
I wish I was
Something
Else
A readable
Book upon
A shelf.
But I got
A job to do
Apparently
To protect all
Of You.

Life is a hurricane
Definitely not a breeze
You want me to make
Love to you
Wow yes ****** please.

Life is a cyclone
The weather is inane
What was that you
Said,
You want to  
go round
again.

Didn’t know
The weather
Was going to
To be such fun.
Next time it
Rains
making
Sure to
have some
bullets
in my
gun.

Tell me mummy
Why are you sad,
Always
Arguing
fighting
With dad.
It’s not fair
On little me
Im your daughter
Im only three.
Daddy mummy
Whom I adore
please
Start loving
Each other
It’s better for sure.
Me and daddy and
Mummy makes three,
Stop all this bickering,
It really hurts me.

You and me
Padlock and key
We’re be together
For all of eternity.
Couldn’t think
Of anything worse
What have I done
To endure this curse.
You and me
Ball and chain
Stuck together
Driving each
other  insane.
You and me
Peaches and cream
We’re going to ****
Each other
Not as daft as
It seems
We like each other dearly
But on the other hand
Quite not really.

Cricket match
Between the
Giraffes and the tigers
Supporters turned up
None the ****** wiser
They mowed the grass
The distance a chain
Guess what
Being
Cricket down
came the rain,
Out came the sun
The fun began,
Top of their
Voices the
Supporters sang.
Umpire called play
It was doomed to fail
The giraffes went ate
The wickets and the bails
Tigers were angry they
Did not laugh
They went and ate those
Naughty Giraffes
The umpire drew aside
Went home and committed
Suicide
In the sun
I Didn’t know cricket
Was so much fun

Im not doing
This tug of war,
It’s upsetting
The children
Thats for sure.
The rope we pull
when it breaks it’s
Going to be a
Hurtful mistake.
Can’t you see it’s
Not all about us.
All our friends
And children
have become
Nonplussed
Please my darling
Don’t shut the doors
Because all it
causes is
These tug
of wars,

Shadows
returning
They cannot
Turn
Shadows of the
Devil
Forever they
Burn
They march
To hell
No liberty
Bell.
They did
their deed
On the living
They feed
The devils shadows
They shall not bleed.
Being good
Do not cower
The shadows
Of the devil
Cannot devour.

In the ancient mariner
Who killed floss.
Flossy was the albatross.
What happened to Fred
The wheelbarrow of red
Did he end up like flossy
****** well dead.
What happened to my shadow
Whom jumped into my bed
I don’t know what happened
To it
I shall fear to tread.
What happened to the jabberwocky
Once a fearsome beast
Must have gone with a happy thought
Kept warm by Jason’s fleece
What happened to that lonely cloud
In the skies for the fallen
Turned into fire and ice
Next to the tree of poison.

Knew a girl
Called Mabel
Two wooden
Legs short
Of a table.
Legs made of
Ash
She made some
Cash
By drinking
People under
The table.

Hum ducking
Mummy bucking
Hen chucking
Hectic piece
Of twit
Dog loves me
So buck of and why
Leave me alone
I am a god woof.

Where for out there
Juliet
I am Romeo
Give me a bit
Of slap and tickle
Of to war I go.
In the carnage Juliet
Sometimes I
might
Get some
time
free,
Then I’ll send
You all my love
In sweet
verses
Of poetry.

Heads are splattered
Insanity running rife
If I get out of this
**** hole,
Juliet
will you
Be my
Darling wife.

I am Juliet
Im having a
wonderful life
**** of Romeo
You *******
I’ll never be
your wife.

I don’t care
If the sun don’t
Shine
Im a Bat
And doing fine.
Didn’t see the
Cows grazing
In the grass
I flew straight
Up a Heffers ****.
Made it home
Covered in  pat
I said to mum
I never saw that.