Hum ducking
Mummy bucking
Hen chucking
Hectic piece
Of twit
Dog loves me
So buck of and why
Leave me alone
I am a god woof.

In the ancient mariner
Who killed floss.
Flossy was the albatross.
What happened to Fred
The wheelbarrow of red
Did he end up like flossy
****** well dead.
What happened to my shadow
Whom jumped into my bed
I don’t know what happened
To it
I shall fear to tread.
What happened to the jabberwocky
Once a fearsome beast
Must have gone with a happy thought
Kept warm by Jason’s fleece
What happened to that lonely cloud
In the skies for the fallen
Turned into fire and ice
Next to the tree of poison.

Light went out
wonderful
Friend
A bundle
Of fun
She was my
Mum.

Centre of the
Family tree a
Lovely woman
To my sister
And me.

Light went out
Memories will stay
She installed in us
To live everyday.

She took her
Memories
To her grave.

Riding the rhythm
Of limitless sound
Riding the highway
Countryside abound
Riding the nights
Riding the days
It’s the rhythm
For me on
My B S A.
Metronomic
Place to place
We’re living outside
The human race,

Doctor who
A man of note
Had a Tardis
Shaped like a goat.
Went to the future
Went to the past
Went to Glastonbury
And had a blast.
Doctor who
Who could contort time
Liked to party on
Lager and lime.
Aliens like you
and me
We’re his
bread and butter
And his cup of tea.
I don’t know what I’m
Writing
Im in a sinking boat
I will get my mate god
To get my hat and goat.

Old and doddery
Losing the plot
Try and give it
One last shot
Im going to chance
Ask this lady to dance
See what happens
A bit of romance.

Haunted house
Apple hill
Evil lurked
Time stood still.

Spirits play
Spectres ****
In that house
On apple hill.

Foolish or brave
I had to go
So I visited
This horror show.

Pressed the doorbell
Of this haunted house
Screamed like a lion
Roared like a mouse.

Door hinges creaked
Opened wide
Deep breath
I went inside.

Apparitions flew
Inside the room
Showed no fear
Appending doom.

Noise deafening
Screams they thrill
Inside this house
On apple hill

Sitting in dusty chair
Near fire of bones
I did not care.
Demon appeared
Sat down beside
He was the spirit
Of Jekyll and Hyde
Please I said you
Don’t frighten me
Be good fellow
Make us some tea.

Demon roared laughter
Howled as if in pain
Then asked me if I
Was completely insane.

I now reside in this house
On apple hill
Where spirits would play
And time stood still.

Come and visit me
In this lovely place
I’ll try not to scare
And eat your face.

Post code PO3666
Apple hill
Come and get your
Daily thrill.

The sun has got
His hat on
Hip hip
Hip hip horray
The sun has got
His hat on and
He’s coming
Out to play.
Nuclear bomb
Has got his
Warhead on
He wants to
Come and play
He wants to travel
To the sun
And take
Our lives away.
If you have something
good
You must have something
bad
Problem with that
One makes you happy
The other so saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad

Living in
a beat box
Jumping up
and down
Listening to
heavy metal
What a
cracking sound.
Living in
a beat box
The circling
has begun
Listening to
the grungy
Songs,
The party
has begun.
Living in
a beatbox
The neighbours
had There say
Both of
them stayed
The night
And rocked
the joint away.

Victim of love
She thieved my gold
My stupid fault
Being blinded and old
I needed somebody
In my life,
Since the death of my
Darling wife.
What was I thinking
I could do my best
Thinking she could
Love me
In me slippers and vest.
Im not chasing my *** of gold
Learnt a lesson on growing old.

You are a cryer
A manipulative liar
A wicked witch
A nasty *****
I will not understate
these are
Your good traits.
You leave a trail
Of  disaster
There’s no
stopping
You as you
get faster.
Nitroglycerin runs
Through your veins
If I get to close
I will suffer the pain.
Yippee .

Temple of doom
A locked room
A spark walking
On the edge
Of darkness
Bounded by rules
Surrounded by fools
Achieve achieve
Bad behaviours
Lies to deceive
I was a clown
A chameleon
Wanting to be found
Right and wrong
Don’t flow in my blood
Always stuck never
Understood
Childhood based on fear
My brain being a
Complex sphere
Life a circus, my big top
Never did go to thee
Education shop
When I was young
Life was not clean
See I died
When nearly thirteen.

One day in
2025
Another slaughter
Mothers fathers
Sons and daughters
It’s a weird game
Humans play
Why does cruelty
Have its day.
Land of love
Land of peace
Is just a distant dream
Ask the people
Who were involved
Can you
hear their
Screams.
What can you do
When animals play
Terror my friends
Will never
never
go away

Where did you
learn to cook
From a
Jack and Jill
Cookery book.

Is this all the
Best you can do
This is cat food
this is
Not a stew.

You come on the show
Tried to do a roast
You should have
Stuck to beans on toast.

You can’t cook
You make horrible cakes
Your not fit to wash
The plates.

Celebrities on my TV
Trying to cook
Not for me.
I wonder what’s all the fuss
They pushed poor Dave
Under the cookery bus.

Did he deserve that
first course
He got bad afters
Celebrities
showing
No remorse

BBC  will stab you in the back
Then give you the -ucking sack
All cookery programmes a
Waste
Of time
Did Dave really commit
A horrible  crime.

Hi you mateys
I am pirate Jack
I like to steal
Then put
things back,
My shipmates
Whom I hold
Dear thought
It was a great idea.
Nick an old television
Replace it with new
Helping people
Who are not
Well to do.
With all the old
Old televisions
Me and me crew
Would replace old
And nick the new.
Especially from
the well to do.
Hi you mateys
From my prison cell
As you know things
Didn’t go well
See I’m still pirate Jack
Give me two years
And I’ll be back.

Sitting on your
Golden throne
Silver spoon
In mouth,
What are you
Going to do
With All that
Wealth.
It’s not for
Me to say
Could you give
It all away,
Times is running
Out for you
Sell your soul
To me
It will cost
You all your
Wealth to
Live for
Eternity

Love my lady so
Happiness
Even flow,
Smiling face
Black dress
My lover
My lady grace.

My line is cast
Her colours
Imprinted in my
Mind and
Nailed to my mast.

Love my lady so
Bright eyes
Wonderful glow.
With my gun
I am at her loving gate
Can I come in with
My eighty eights .

Love my lady so
With Smiling face
No more black dress
Loving this place
I don’t have to
join the dots
Thats handy
Me dollar bill
Fit the slot.

As I was walking down a street
A ******* I did meet
A simple man he got upset
He told me he was a flibbertigibbet.
Talking away most of the day
Bumfuzzled he became,
Dagnabit I don’t need this dinglebob
So I sent him on his way
Everything went cattywampus
The day went a bit agathokakological
Now writing this *******
Im starting to feel
Floccinaucinihilipilificational

Thee elusive
Butterfly
You
Catch it
You
die

Sensation of seeds
That germinate
From your heart
Candy apple red
I hope we don’t part.
The butterflies you
Give me are warming
Within
With you my lovely
Where do's one begin.
Your smile is infectious
Blossoming of the rose
These seeds of beauty
Everything grows.

Ring a ring
Of roses
We fall down,
The butcher
The baker
The candlestick
Maker
Even the
Perverted
Clown.

Have a vaccination
It’s seems to be the
Way
When really there
Is no cure
It’s out there
To boost
Their pay.

Cold Vaccinations
Pill poppers
Are they really
Death stoppers.

We crossed
The stream
On stepping
Stones
To a peaceful
Place
To be alone.
We sat under
Shaded tree
That’s where
We had our
First kiss
You and me.
Scented you were
The sun did shine
We etched our names
In the tree of time.

Me and my mate Dave
Hang upside down
Inside a cave
We watch cricket
we would like a go at that
Problem is we’re just
Two bats.

Sitting on the balcony
Soaking up the sun
Smoking
drinking,
Chatting
having some fun.
She Popped
some pills
She gave a cough
Then my girlfriend
Decided to jump off.
Sitting on the balcony
Was soaking up the sun
Why did she do it?
Spoil all our fun.

My name is Van Gogh
I painted the clouds
It’s a bit of work which
I am quite proud.
My name is Marcel Deauchamp
I painted pictures of toiletry crap
It’s my painting style  Im very
Proud of that.
My name is Edvard munch
I painted the scream
Nothing about this painting
Is about what it seems.
My name is mark bell
I do painting as well
It’s like my writing
Crap.

You are the explosion
Inside my dreams
A kaleidoscope of
Colours blues
Yellows and greens.
The picture you paint
For the love
from me
Cannot be shown
Don’t you see.
You can’t put
Love inside a frame
Your only in my dreams
Which is quite a shame.
Lovers in dreams
That’s where we shall stay
A kaleidoscope of Colours
For a rainy day.

All this rain
I’m going
To buy a gnu.
Shall I buy a
Saddle or maybe
A paddle
I will leave it
Up to you.

Dik dik
And eft
The newt
Don’t like
This ******
Weather
So they brought
A canoe or was it
A gnu

I’m lost
Mummy where
Are you?

The snail entered
A twenty five mile race.
Wow the snail started
At a reasonable pace.
The participants were
Passing the winning line
Bernard the snail was still
Well behind.
All the runners had
All gone home
Good ole Bernard
In the race all alone.
Two years later in the
Pouring rain
Bernard had to stop
He was in too much pain
Two miles into the race
He was doing  quite well,
When a boot came out
And crushed his shell
Poor ole Bernard
He didn’t pull the plug
He finished ten years later
As a rather fit slug.

Had a little think
Let’s turn the
World a shade
Of pink.
Start of simple
Dogs and cats
Paint the elephants
Then the rats.
Political
Parties
To wear
Pink suits.
Policemen
Would look
Nice in
Pretty
Pink boots.
Houses of Parliament
Pretty in pink
Can we get going
What do you think?
Pink up your house
Pink up the street
Pink up the prime minister
Who pinched your heat.
Pink up the world
There’s lots to do
If we run out of pink
We start painting blue.

I dream of your body
Laying next to me,
This cannot happen
Because I’m not free.
This dream I have
Will never come true,
I am always locked up
For killing you.
I was selfish
I shattered our dream,
From my cell I can still
Hear your screams.
But still I dream
That you lay next to me
Im always in anguish
I will never be free.

Tsunami wave
Harmonic emotion
Volcanic eruption
Melodic devotion
Hurricane wind
Symphonic heart
Northern lights
We will not part.

Mummy spoilt
All of my fun
She wouldn’t
Let me have
A machine gun.
I said it was my
Constitutional
Right
To shoot anyone
I didn’t like
She said son
Your only three
I said thats fine by me.

Little me the killer I
Me assassinated
Thee elusive butterfly

All wrapped up
Inside a song
The power of
Love never wrong.

After the loving
Two become one
Loving you is
Wholesome fun.

Come up and see me
And cry me a river
I Keep on loving you
I’m all a dither

In my love shack
We lust for life
Oh pretty woman
Became my wife.

Had a life of Riley
With my wild one
My Sharona
My wholesome one

Waking up were we belong
My life wrapped up in a song.
At the end of a beautiful day
Me and sharona will fade away.

Sweet pea
You look
So forlorn
She replied
it’s the death
Of the last
Unicorn.

Everything is blue today
Sun is out and shines
Clouds have departed
And left the rain  behind.
Everything is bright tonight
The fullness of the moon
Stars seem to look bouncy
With their big red balloons.
The moon
The sun
and stars are
Having a cocktail party,
Drinks were served and
Cup cakes were ate
On through till morning
Just before the  day breaks.
The sun has a hangover
Not feeling very bright
Drank too much spirit
Not a pretty sight
Everything is dull today
The sun doesn’t want to play
Moon and stars have
Disappeared down the
Milky Way

Lifespan
Of my
Pet fly
I went
And zapped
It
I don’t know
Why.
I wrote
an eulogy
And told
It later
In the obituaries
Inside the fly paper.

There’s a place
On top of the hill
Where they prescribe me
My happy pill,
Through revolving doors
And up the stairs
All those drugs
They like to share,
I need my dose
I need my pill
In that place
On top of the hill.
Men in white coats
Are keeping me afloat
All I am is a sinking boat.
Waters aren’t calm
A wall short of a brick
That place on the hill
We give me my fix.
I know I have
my scarred flaws
Everything goes away
Through those revolving doors.

Winter sometimes
Cold and unkind
Summer mornings
Tonic to the mind.
Temperature goes up
The sun do's shine
Us at the table
With bottles of wine.
Summer is lovely
My woman is definitely
not *****
She likes to dance
All day naked
In the ****.
I certainly don’t have
A problem with that,
Nor do the neighbours
And their tabby cat.

Being blinkered
Ain’t much fun
Apparently
Helps me
When I run
On go’s me saddle
Jockey jumps on
The tape go’s up
Then Im gone.
This jockey must
Think I’m dense
I ain’t jumping
That -ucking fence
That little ****
Whipped me from
Behind
Jumped that fence
Really quite fine.
Three miles of
Jump jump jump
Im getting ****** of
I got the right ****,
Over the the last
Well in front
So I decided to part
Company
With this little runt.
I stopped
the dye
Was cast
Shut up shop
I Came in last.

No bookends
on the shelf
Im dancing
with myself.
Free and
all alone
Stripped down
to the bone.
Nobody wants
No body cares to
Take a risk
That I might
even exist.
All seem so
unaware,
Im dancing with myself
Still stuck high on a shelf
I want to be freed
Please don’t overlook
Because I am your
Over friendly
Kuma Surtra book.

Fathomless sorrow
Reaching through time
All my love swimming
Lost in a glass of wine.
Candle burning slowly
Time standing still
Another night alone
I’ll be paying the bill.
Fathomless sorrow
Of a broken heart still
Looking for love,
and a fresh new start.

It’s going to be a
Blue blue Christmas
Without you to hold
They’ve nicked me
Heating allowance
It’s to ****** cold
Got the cat to keep
Me alright
I do hope Christmas
Is not ****** white.
It’s going to be a
Blue blue Christmas
With not much to eat
No ****** presents
No one to greet.
I got the cat
We we will eat
A *** of Sheba stew
Us the lonely
What can we do

In my uniform
Proud as punch
Serving the
Well to do
To an exquisite
lunch.
Second course
I got ready to serve
Then disaster hit
We collided with
A berg.
Feeling unlucky
Rather sick
Serving customers
On the titanic.

My life was not full
I was about to start
My shift at a
Nuclear plant
They call Chernobyl.

Unlucky me
From a job
I wouldn’t cower,
Just got a cleaning job
At one of the twin towers
My shift was about to
Begin
Thats when those
Planes came in.

Im unemployed
It’s going to stay
That way.
Im taking up
Golf so I
can live
Another day.

Me and me cat
Have just had a spat
She wanted to watch
Love island
I said don’t be a ****.
She said meow
Well that caused a row
I said it’s all a farce
So she rolled to one side
And started licking
Her ****.

Piccadilly Circus
Leicester Square
Of to pall mall
Without a care.
Victoria station
Waterloo
Sights and sounds
And the well to do,
King’s Cross
Euston station
Oh look
Buckingham palace
Is having a celebration.
Of down the old Kent road
People coming in
People stepping off
People going for
A drink in
the frog and toad.
My life is hectic
Bustling with fuss
It’s good fun being
Red and a London bus

They said they
Would come for
Me
They never did
My family
Lost in time
I’m insane
That’s why my
Family
Never came.
I’m in a home
The windows
Have bars
If I escaped
I couldn’t
Get far
They said they
Would come for
Me when
Will I be free
From my family

Love on
The rocks
My whiskey
Friend
Drowning
My sorrow
Till the end.

My little
Spirit
My bundle
Of fun
Love on
The rocks
With a bottle
Of ***

Our days
We’re numbered
Falling apart
Love on the
Rocks
No fresh start.

We parted ways
Our spirit ran dry
Tears of gin
Had made us cry

Love on the rocks
Lost in time
Cheers my friend
I’ll have a bottle of wine.

For forty days
And forty nights
My lover ran of
Out of sight.
I said was it
Because of the rain
She said no you
******* your
A ****** pain.