It hurts less to watch him fall in love with someone else
Than for us to live
Solitary
knowing that what we both want
Is something we can never have

I haven't been "okay" in a very long time.

We spend our lives looking for one thing
And songs and poetry
Are such a poor substitute
For really being loved.

Sometimes
I'm in a group of people, and
We're laughing and talking
And I feel lonely
So I wander off
To see if anyone
Will
Miss me
No one ever does

You don't get
To push me away
Again
And again
And then get angry
When I don't
Come
Back

"You look good in blue,"
He said
And she never wore another color again.

There's a place where there is peace
You are with me there
Rest, my child, and find your own
Leave your cares

Rest, my dear, and find your sleep
Underneath the trees
Birds will roost, and be content
Rest my dear

There's a song that's coming here
Runs into my ears
Gives me laughter in my heart
Dries my salty tears

Meet me there, my restless child
Close your sleepy eyes
There's a place where we will meet
Underneath the skies

Sink so deep into the earth
Where the grass will grow
And your weary sighs will plant
Flowers in the snow

There's a song that I have heard
Long into the breeze
Sing it with me now, my child
Underneath the trees

Meet me there
Meet me there
Rest your weary eyes, my child
And meet me there

Lullaby goodnight, my child
Do what you do best
Find the place where sparrows roost
Find the place of rest

I just want someone
To say they love me
Even if they don't mean it
Or don't know me
Or live a hundred miles away
I just want to hear those three words
We all hold
So dear
I just want someone
To say they love me

Do not fear the monsters, child
Underneath your bed
The real monsters-they walk about
And live inside your head.

There is a woman that I know
She cares for me-she does
Reminds me of the better days
And greater ones to come
She moves with elegence and grace
And beauty like no other
"Who is this woman?", you may ask
This woman is my mother.

I miss you and the
Snowy mountain tops and the
Misty miles of pines

My contacts don't like me.
And even though they're small.
They think my eyes are ugly
So on the floor they fall.

I fell asleep praying for your soul
And when I woke, I prayed some more

Do you miss it?
The innocence
The ignorance
When kissing and hugs were still icky
It wasn't about ***
And didn't make you long for something real
When the summers were all sunshine
And no school
And you didn't have to go to bed until 9 instead of 8
The times when mom always
Had hot cocoa waiting when you came inside from playing in the snow
Alcohol was exciting
When mom gave you a sip
Because it was Forbidden,
And now it's just a way to escape the gray misery
When cooking was fun
Because you COULD and didn't HAVE TO
You could make a mess of flour and dishes
But now you have to clean up after
Your money can't go to gumballs and quarter machines
Now it goes to rent and car trouble
Staying up until midnight was still fun
Instead, you have to be in bed at 7
Because you have to work tomorrow
And after that, you have a doctor appointment
Do you miss when Saturdays were for sleeping
Not running the errands you couldn't during the week
A day of shopping was fun, and now it makes you nervous because you only have $60 in your wallet and you still have to get a few groceries
A day at the beach was fun
You would come home tired
And sun soaked
Now you only dread the sand you'll get in the car
People ask how you are and you tell them
"Great!"
Things aren't great
But they really are okay
Because you don't have lovers, but you are loved
Your siblings are friends instead of annoying
You used to fight with them over the last of the soda
But now Pepsi makes you sick
And your mom isn't mean anymore,
She's your anchor
Your best friend
You call her more than your 12-year-old self would have thought
And your dad is always there
When you have questions about
Life
Cars
Small fixes around the house
You got good rest last night
And that's enough for you
Even if yesterday you drank three cups of coffee because you needed the energy
Not just because it tastes good.
Because you really do feel fully rested
You go home to a quiet house
But your plants are enough company
And maybe your neighbor would like to come over for tea on the weekend
You work long and hard
But that's okay because you know you'll sleep well
And you have church tomorrow
And the singing always makes you feel alive
And when the sun sets
On your day
It's lovely,
And you watch it go down with a glass of something cold
And make a mental note to pay the water bill

Can't think of any-
thing to write on this cold night
What then shall I do?

I wonder what it's like
To be normal
To walk down the street
And.not wonder if everyone
Is looking at you
To get up in the morning
And want to start your day
I wonder what it feels like
Not to wonder
If they're all talking about you
I wonder how it feels
To not feel
This crushing fear
That something
Is going to happen
And to not feel
That with every breath
You are going to suffocate
What would happen
If I were not afraid
Of every sentient thing
And to not hate
Every sun that rises
Because it means
I have to start again
I wonder what it's like
To live
Instead of continuing to die
Day after day

Nostalgia always
Keeps me awake through the night
I wish it would leave.