she used to be afraid
to drown in pool water
but now her thoughts
tell her to jump further

i smile too hard in social situations
to make up for the fact that i've sorted through my every thought and can't find anything of interest to say
and i blush at every compliment i receive
because i'm too embarrassed to disagree
you see
I'm kind of vapid
but it's only because I can't control the voice inside my head
I'm not crazy, unfortunately
I'm just overly self aware
and i want you to know that we are stardust
but you're only interested in superstars
and I'm only interested in companionship
so I'll entertain you with magic tricks
I want friends
**** their ***
but women judge me too harshly
and men don't judge me on the right things
they like my mind, but abuse my body
i only care for souls
for records
and old pictures of kids in bulky glasses
neon bellbottoms and
flower power wallpaper
plastering the walls of an alternate universe
where i may blossom and open up
like a flower in the rain

There are many firsts,
a first date.
A sloppy wet first kiss.
A first boyfriend or girlfriend.
Things you wish you could store up in a snowball.
To trap them in a place where time has no power.
Still. Frozen. Kept like figurines.

Time seems stretched out like a string,
Taut and endless, spiraling into knots and tangles.
We take what we can get.
It might be the last smile on our face.
Happy ever after,
Or the end of all we know.

So many lasts sprinkled like salt on salads,
The last time you ever saw a loved one's face.
Last time you loved.
It could be the last heartache,
But you would never know.

Time is but a lifeline to present and past.
It can be snatched right out of your hands.
Gone as fast as lightning,
Too powerful to contain in any vessel.
Time can be everything and also nothing.

it doesn't matter
that you used to
walk the night
in search of food
and housing.

it means, "I wish
upon a star" became
a wish upon a bar
stool.

our foolish lisp
never quarantined
itself for fear of
loneliness

the stir stick
of caffeine
insanity

(where was
your princess
when the king
-dumb fell)

"well," He choked,

"she was busy with
the lampshade..

*or a lack thereof"

Whiskey has become my new obsession
I drown and drown in its meaningless stinging
I am lost but always found
Drowning somewhere beneath the ground

The whiskey burns within me
It is coursing through my blood
My heart is beating one last time
Before I crash to the ground

Whiskey has become my best worst enemy
Its always ready for my cries
The bottle fits my hands so nicely
I cant resist its alluring smile
Such tragedy
That this bottle of whiskey
Became my best friend

Last night was full of hope and desire
But then I started to cry
Because even the greatest things have flaws
And guess what? You are mine.

I am not a 5 minute cigarette break
You cannot use me then throw me out
Can't you hear my screaming
Don't you care
Don't care
I don't

Am I dead inside?
I ask this question a lot
I laugh
and smile
and get angry
but I don't really do any of those things
I can't cry
I can't care
I can't take care of myself
Only three things make me feel alive
Seeing my blood rushing to get away from me
Feeling the burn of whiskey in my throat
And coughing out clouds of smoke
So am I alive?
Or am I simply a corpse
stimulated by self destruction

I have tried it all
To get the monsters in my soul
Smoking them out
Drowning them in alcohol
Poisoning them with pills
Putting them to sleep with green happiness
Bleeding them out
And yet every night they whisper
I am here
I will always be here
As long as you are here