I turn twenty-three in twelve days
I still have not gotten anywhere with my life
I am a loser in a ****** city
full of people who cheat and lie
I feel pathetic a lot of the time
I should be in college planning my future
But high school drop outs do not get to plan things
they stay stuck regretting past choices
I do not want to be forty years old
still dreaming of the life I want
Everyone I know has moved on in some way
even my enemies are doing alright
What if my dreams are really just dreams
that belong in my mind when I sleep
Maybe my high school teachers were right
without their lectures I will not be anything
Still a part of me is glad I am not as far as everybody else
Maybe I am on the right track with my dreams
maybe something great is in the making
Maybe this is the year my dreams come true
I will finally be the published writer I want to be
Maybe everything I have been working so hard for
will pay off when I am twenty-three

The past haunts me everyday
that’s something I can’t control
it bothers me so much these days
that it’s starting to take it’s toll
I’m so exhausted lately
these memories keep me awake
it’s interfering with my daily life
I don’t know how much more I can take
These memories are like dreams
except I’m not asleep
they follow me like shadows that follow you on the concrete
I’m so bothered by them
that their actually starting to scare me
I tell myself it’s just stress just so they won’t bother me
Why does the past bother me?
It’s over now let it be
Why can’t I just move on without letting these memories affect me?
Maybe one day they will all go away
they can’t stay for good
maybe it’s not the past that’s haunting me
maybe it’s ghosts who are misunderstood.

I look at old photographs
all I can do is cry
I sit outside and let myself freeze
as I look at the stars in the sky
I'm wondering how you're doing
I haven't seen you in a month
The last memory I have with you
is you telling me you love me very much
I think about the words you told me
I remember how you said them so perfectly
You told everyone that I was your girl
you told your family how much you loved me
Now everything is different
no one believes that now
I'm trying to not be so insecure
but honestly I don't know how
I sit here in this cold weather
doing all I can to breathe
It's hard to move, it's hard to think
when I'm begging to God on my knees
I wrap myself up in a blanket
I look at the stars one last time
I pray that you're happy wherever you are
I hope to God that you're doing alright

I wish I was lying in the snow
surrounded by pine trees
I feel like I can't catch my breath
I can't decide if this is anxiety that I am feeling
or if I am just overwhelmed with happiness
I suppose I could call a friend
let that friend know how I feel
It's hard to tell someone about your problems though
when they don't consider your problems real
You see there is this guy that I like
he is everything I have been searching for
This afternoon out of nowhere
he showed up at my front door
Apparently he has a crush on me
so he thought he would take a chance
By coming to my house
and asking me out to dance
I said to him "that would be lovely"
he replied with "I will see you tomorrow night at six"
After he left I tensed up and started feeling like this
I haven't been out with a man in two years
what was I going to do
I can't go on this date
I'll end up looking like a fool
A part of me wants to cancel
another part of me wants to go
He seems like a gentleman
but how do I know
My cell phone begins to buzz
I see his name on the screen
I sit up in fast motion
trying to comprehend everything
I can't back out of this date now
that would be rude and selfish
I guess I just have to swallow my anxiety
and take this chance at happiness

My best friend is having a baby with his girlfriend
it is killing me inside
It is because I am in love with him
it hurts to see her by his side
I have loved him for awhile
but I have kept my mouth shut
I did not want to create drama
although my feelings bothered me a lot
I have cried myself to sleep
knowing that he loves her instead of me
We were meant to be just friends
that is the way it has to be
I would do anything for him
I am here for him through thick and thin
Yet not a day goes by
where I wish to be with him
I have got to stop wishing though
it is a wish that will never come true
Even though it hurts to do so
getting over him is what I have got to do

He sat down in front of me with shaky hands and said

"There's this girl I know
she is unbelievably beautiful
Whenever I look at her I forget how to breathe
and when she smiles
Oh my God when she smiles
my world gets a little brighter
She always knows the right thing to say
whenever I'm feeling down
It's like she can read my thoughts
I can tell her anything
and it doesn't matter how crazy I sound
she just listens and reassures me everything will be okay
and I believe her when she says that
because she doesn't make me feel ashamed of myself
She sees both the good and bad in me
yet she doesn't run away
She has seen me angry and she does all she can to calm me down
Whenever I am with her I want to hold her
Every time she calls my name I want to kiss her
and ask her to say it again
I dream about her and it's always the same dream
she is lying in bed next to me just looking at me
and I just look back at her breathless and when I wake up
I want so badly to fall back to sleep so I can feel her next to me
one more time
She is everything I ever dreamed of
and I fear I missed out on my chance to be with her
I need to tell her how I feel but if she doesn't feel the same way
although it will crush me but I won't be angry
I would rather have her as my friend than nothing at all
I just don't know how she will respond to all of this"

I took in a deep breath and processed what I just heard
With the best wisdom I can come up with I told him
"You need to tell her that you feel this way
word for word
everything
no holding back
She deserves to know how you feel
so tell her"

With innocent fear in his eyes he looked me straight in the eye
and said "I already did"

I don’t know everything
although I wish I did
Sometimes I wish I could go back in time
just so I could be a kid
I cannot see the future
that part of reality really ****** me off
maybe if I knew what was to come
I would not have spent most of my life in a box
I cannot change the past
I have to let it go
I need to learn from my mistakes
and just let the good times roll
I cannot control others
I can only control myself
I can choose to be awesome me
or be just like everybody else
Life is full of challenges
there is drama everywhere you turn
you just got to brush your shoulders off
and be willing to learn
that High School is just temporary
life is bound to get better
always believe in yourself and your dreams
never forget that what others say about you does not matter

Why do you do this?
Why do you make me cry tears of happiness?
Why do you make the hair on the back of my neck stand up whenever you touch me?
Why do you make it impossible for me to breath whenever you look at me?
Why do you give me an adrenaline rush so high I could swim an entire ocean if I wanted to?
Why do you stay home on Friday nights reading my poems instead of going out with your friends?
Why do you insist on holding me throughout the night as I sleep?
Why are you nice to me?
Why do you care about me?
Why do you inspire me in ways I have never been inspired before?
Why are you so patient with me?
Why does everyday with you feel like Christmas morning?
Why did you see me that day?
Why did you say hello to me that day?
Why did you ask me out?
Why did I say yes?
Why did you fall in love with me?
Why did you choose me?

I can't remember where I came from
It's like I woke up in a world
I have no recollection of entering
Everything is cold
Freezing even
Normally I don't mind the cold
I usually find comfort in it
only this time the coldness is causing me to feel scared
I'm soaked
As if I was swimming yet there is nowhere to swim
I feel concrete underneath my bare feet
I can't see where I am in the dark
With each step I take
I am terrified something will hurt me
Despite my fear I continue to keep walking
until I scream out in pain
Something cut me
I'm bleeding now
I can feel a warm sensation oozing from my foot
It felt like a razor
but I have no way of knowing
Now I am being cut all over my body
with each scream the pain intensifies
I stop screaming as the pain forces me to the ground
leaving me in a ****** mess
I can hear the ticking of a clock
It's faint at first
Then it gets louder
So loud I have to cover my ears
but I can't
I'm in too much pain to move
The clock chimes
I instantly wake up in my bed
I touch myself to see if I'm hurt
Nothing there
I lie in bed trying to catch my breath
as I replay my nightmare over in my head
trying to figure out what it meant

At this very moment my heart is breaking
It is breaking in two and I can feel it
It feels like a huge weight is on my chest
as if a ton of bricks fell on me
It is hard to breath
It hurts so bad I can't help but cry
I want the breaking to stop
I feel like a part of me is being ripped apart
and there is nothing I can do about it
I feel like part of me is gone and I can't get it back
Crying makes the pain worse
with every tear that falls
Another part of my heart breaks
Every breath I take
makes the aching hurt so much more
When the tears have stopped
a numbness falls over me making me very tired
With each breath I take my chest burns
like an open wound left untreated
I fall asleep and dream of memories
that make me smile so big
Then I wake up
I realize it was only a dream
I cry as my heart breaks all over again

Last night I died
I didn't want to wake up
I wish the doctor didn't bring me back
it hurt to be woken up
I died of a broken heart
I know that was the reason for sure
I could not bear to live a lie anymore
not when I am in love with a heart that is so pure
I woke up in my ripped up jeans
I felt sick, I felt light
I saw a nurse standing over me
telling me that I will be alright
She held my hand lightly
I had nothing to say
My mind was completely blank
I never thought I would live to see this day
The hospital was cold
they wheeled me to my room
By the time I was settled in with an IV in my arm
it was already noon
I had no expression on my face
I had no feeling under my skin
I just wanted to go outside
and keep all of my feelings bottled within
I am now forced to stay in this place
I am told I need help
I guess I overdosed on pills
maybe it's cause my life is hell
For now I am doing better
I got a lot of work ahead
I might as well get comfortable
I think to myself as I fall asleep in my hospital bed

She grew tired
She grew tired of listening to people complain
about what they wanted
when all they wanted was standing right there
in front of them
She grew tired of reaching out
only you be ignored
She grew tired of hoping people would change
when internally she knew they never would
because change is scary and no one faces
their fears anymore
She grew tired of trying to be strong for everyone else
when no one would be there for her
She grew tired of longing to hear the words "you're beautiful"
"I'm really glad you're around" or "I'm proud of you"
She grew tired of giving so much
and getting nothing back
She grew tired of crying because all crying ever did
was make her face hurt
She grew tired of believing she would get her hearts desire
when reality gave her definitive proof
that she would never get what she wanted
She grew tired of pouring out her feelings
for those who had no interest in listening
She grew tired of being around people
who refused to see her true worth
She grew tired of trying to live a life of light
in a world that turned dark so long ago
She grew tried of aching for human touch
while she fell asleep at night
She grew tired of being a temporary choice
when she treated everyone else like royalty
She grew tired of never being good enough
She grew tired of being kept at a distance
She grew tired of wanting
when she did her best to make sure everyone else
got what they needed
She grew tired when she became empty
and there was no one there to help her
feel whole again

I remember the day that you died
you took a part of me I will never have again
Not only were you my lover
you were my very best friend
We did everything together
our worlds were complete
We made each other happy
by dancing to our own heartbeats
When you told me you were sick
I thought you would be okay
I thought we would go together
but you went to heaven without me that day
You slipped away in your sleep
while I held your hand tight
I prayed for you to wake up
but you never did that night
I cried for hours when you left
I was scared to let you go
I laid by your side and whispered
all of the things I thought you needed to know
I told you that I loved you
more than I loved myself
I told you that you were all I ever wanted
I never wanted anyone else
I kissed your lips one last time
they were cold and a little gray
When they took you from the room wrapped in a sheet
I quickly got on my knees to pray
I asked God why you had to go
I wanted you to come back
but I realized that this is reality
there was nothing I could do about that
I sit here and think about that day
it still brings a tear to my eye
I look up at the stars at night
I see you shining in the sky
It wasn't my time to go yet
that is something I had to accept
I know that you're still by my side
your soul hasn't quite left me just yet

The ones you love the most
will break your heart once or twice
It's not because their evil
their human, they will mess up sometimes
The one you give your heart to
will disappoint you one day
It's not because they don't love you
their fighting demons that won't ever go away
The people you call your friends
will make mistakes that will upset you
It's not because they don't care about your friendship
there are just some things they have to do
The sun won't always shine
sometimes it will rain
It doesn't mean something bad will happen
it's God's way of cleansing your pain
Your parents who you thought were perfect
may overstep their boundaries by telling you what to do
It's not because they doubt you
It's their way of saying they care about you
The God you lean on twenty four hours a day
won't stop you from hitting rock bottom
It's not because he deserted you
it's the only way you will ever grow
So trust him

I have this feeling that something is not right
it is as if something bad is about to happen
I try to ignore this feeling as much as I can
but sometimes it is impossible to ignore
I have so much on my mind
going for walks used to help but lately
I just want to throw up everything inside of me
Sleeping is supposed to drown out everything
you are supposed to get peace when you sleep
Except for me
I get nothing but nightmares
I wake up so much through out the night I might as well not go to sleep at all
I get so depressed that I forget where I am sometimes
I never have days where I am just happy
I always end up feeling depressed about something
I feel so alone too
I have friends yet I feel like I am walking alone all of the time
I am even thinking about cutting again
Cutting does not get me anywhere though
It takes me to a painful state of mind where my emotions are out of control
I cannot function unless I feel physical pain
When I cut I am in control with my emotional pain
I like having that control
I have fewer breakdowns with that control
School is easier to deal with when I have that control
My life itself is a nightmare
I have no choice but to live with what I have
To not live with my disorder would be to commit suicide and suicide is too easy
One cut, one bullet, one leap off of a really tall building could end it all for good
Life is a challenge for me
It is a challenge I choose to beat
This bad feeling I have may just be a warning
It is a warning telling me I am about to lose it
If I do not take a step back and breathe
I might do something really stupid
I have come too far to be stupid
I need to stop
rewind
breathe
shift my focus to something that will take my mind off of this bad feeling
if I don't this could all end very badly

If I could show you anything
it would be how amazing you are
If I could tell you anything
I'd tell you how much you complete me
If I could hold you in my arms
I'd hold you for eternity
If I could kiss you just once
you would make my dream come true
If I could hold your hand
I would never let it go
If I could take away your pain
I'd make sure you never cried again
If I could have one wish
It would be to show you how special you are to me
If I could do one thing in my life
it would be to make you my everything

You told me to wait for you
I did
you never came back for me,

You told me to be honest with you
I was
and you got mad at me,

You told me to be happy
I was
you never saw that,

You told me to go after my dreams
I tried
you got so jealous,

You told me to be faithful
I was
you accused me of being a *****,

You told me to trust you
I did
you left my heart at the door,

You told me to be myself
I did
you didn't like who I was,

When questions would arise about why we did what we did
I had a good reason
all you could say was "because",

You told me to make a choice
I did
I chose you,

You tossed me away like a ******* toy
after all we have been through,

You told me I was always wrong
after all of the things that you have done,

You told me to go away
I did
I moved on

She told him she loved him
he sat there in silence
she went to give him a hug
he sat there lifeless
she felt her heart breaking
he felt guilty for giving her up
she was choking back tears
as he finally stood up
She looked at the ring on her finger
he held his ring in his hand
she asked him "why?"
he said "you wouldn't understand"
she asked "do you need some time?"
he answered "I'm not ready for this"
she shook her head slowly
as he thought about this
she didn't want to break up
he was tired of being scared
she was blaming herself
he's the one who no longer cared
she said "I love you" one more time
he walked to the door
she began to fall apart
he said "I just don't love you anymore."

I fell in love with you from the moment I saw you
It wasn't because of your smile
it wasn't because of your laugh
it wasn't because of your love for strange things
or how you told the same hilarious jokes over and over again
It wasn't the way your hair fell onto your face as we made out in your bed
It wasn't the way you looked shirtless when you stepped out of the shower
It wasn't the way the snowflakes clung to you and hugged you when we played in the snow until a quarter to three
It was the way you noticed my presence without me having to say a single word

I can't say that I don't love you
because that would be a lie
I can't pretend that I'm happy
when I really want to cry
I can't be something that I'm not
because that's living a lie
I feel like life is hard
but I got to give it a try
I feel myself breaking down whenever I think of you
but I can't let you go despite the bad that you do
I feel like giving up and letting the world win
but no matter how hard I fall I can never give in
I can't say I'm ugly
I know that I'm not
I can't say I'm cold
when really I'm hot
I can't forgive someone
only to still hold a grudge
I have to let go of the hate
in order to accept love
I have to be independent
I have to trust myself
if I can't rely on me
how can I trust anyone else
I have to feel pain in order to understand
I can't seem to feel complete
with his ring on my hand
I have to cry
as a way to let the pain out
I have to believe in myself
and not have any doubts
I have to make the best of everything
and know that God is on my side
I have to be honest with everything I do
because no matter what
I will get caught in my lies.

I woke up this morning with a lot of pressure on my chest
It was hard to get out of bed because I barely got any rest
I poured myself a cup of coffee and took a look in my bedroom mirror
I looked messy and horrible but I told my reflection "you look beautiful dear"
I went outside for a cigarette and let the cold air hit my skin
I tried my best to hold back tears from the pain I held within
I sang to myself a sad song to help get me by
but the song I chose didn't help
all it did was make me cry
I try my best to stay strong
but that is an impossible task
The more I see you the more I wish our relationship would have last
There is nothing to do but for me to move on even though that is hard to do
The only reason why it's hard is because I still really love you

STOP running away from opportunities
that can potentially change your life
STOP living your life
according to what other people think about you
STOP being being mean to yourself
by calling yourself horrible names
STOP letting guys treat you like a rug
you're a diamond who deserves to be treasured
STOP walking in fear
and putting yourself in a box
STOP criticizing yourself for being human
STOP trying to put an end
to the passion deep inside of you
STOP keeping yourself stuck
EMPOWER yourself
LOVE yourself
You DESERVE so much better

I really like you
I like who I am when I am with you
I like how I am never afraid to just be myself because
you make me want to be nothing but who I truly am
I love your laugh
Your laugh is the most magnificent sound I have ever heard
Your smile
Gosh! Your smile is remarkable
Who you are as a person is just staggering
I haven't felt like this about somebody in a long time
I didn't think it was possible to feel this way again
You terrify me
Me feeling anything for you terrifies me
I keep building walls and you continue to break them down
with just one look
I can't decide if I'm angry or grateful for that
If I had it my way I would erase how I feel right now
but I can't
In fact I don't want to
and that is really really terrifying
However you're tremendous
You're perfect
and if I had a choice I would spend everyday telling you
how extraordinary you are

I think love is stupid sometimes
The way it messes with your emotions is not right
I hate when you fall for someone
you think they love you back but they don't
The only reason why you know that is because you caught them somewhere with another girl
Did it break your heart?
Did it make you cry?
Did seeing the one you love with someone else tear your world apart?
Yes, yes and yes
Do you still love that man?
Yes.
Why?
Why are women like that?
Why do we waste our time loving men that don't love us?
We ask ourselves these questions and our answers are?
We don't know.
Why is love complicated?
Nobody knows.
That is why I think love is stupid...

Sometimes

I saw you with her last night
you said you were going to your friends
I didn't want to be home alone so I called up my girls
and we decided to go out
I didn't think I would catch you with her
don't say that you  weren't with her because I saw what you were doing to her
You were kissing her
You were touching her
Your hands were in places I can't even talk or think about
You told me you were over her
how are you over her if you are all over her?
I wasn't the only one who saw you either
my friends did as well and I have never felt so stupid
I thought you were Mr. amazing
now I see you are Mr. wrong
Your disgusting
I can't stand to kiss you
I can't touch you
I can't lay in the same bed with you knowing you wish I was her
how stupid I am to believe you cared for me
I made you a priority
I was nothing but an option to you
Well now you can find someone else to be your option
because I'm done with you
I refuse to be played like a game
Pack your ****
Leave
and don't ever come back.

"It's strange how you became beautiful all of a sudden."

I was always beautiful
You just never took the time to see that

Lately it seems to everybody that I am the enemy
I am the reason for everyone's problems
my name seems to be coming out of everybody's mouth
although I am not longer in school I seem to be labeled as the drama Queen
when someone cries it's my fault
when someone fights I seem to be the cause of the fight
I don't know exactly what I am doing wrong
I am on the verge of breaking down
I don't want anything to do with life anymore
I am so depressed
I don't know who to go to
everyone hates me
I am so lonely
I feel like I am losing everything and everyone
Why am I the enemy?
After all the people I was there for
after all the people I have helped
I am still the reason for everyone's problems
my life is ****
I have lost myself
and I don't think I can get myself back this time.

I feel like I have lost everything
I feel myself breaking
I am so lost in this ****** up world
I am surprised I'm still living
I am losing my one and only best friend
to a mistake I do not regret making
although I know I will get through this
my heart just won't stop breaking
My favorite song no longer helps
writing this poem just makes me cry
I want to give up on everything
right now I'm not strong but I got to try
because if I fall apart too much
I am going to lose everything
but without him I have nothing
now my life doesn't mean anything.

Calling each other every hour is not love
Feeling the need to message each other on Facebook every five minutes is not love
Having to be with each other twenty four hours a day is not love
Getting mad at each other when you talk to someone other than each other is not love
Starting petty arguments with each other to gain attention from each other is not love
Keeping each other away from friends or family is not love
Having anxiety attacks when you don't see each other for an hour is not love
It's obsession with one another

I've been out of my skin the past few days
it's uncomfortable being lost
one minute you know exactly who you are
the next you completely forgot
you don't forget little things either
it's everything
you get so angry you blow up
then afterwards it's hard to get back to reality
I'm so tired I feel dead
like a zombie living my life
if I lay down for even a second
I drift to sleep into another life
that's when my conscious comes alive
every word I've held back is said
and every action I play in my mind is done
people's feelings are hurt and they cry
but I don't give a **** anymore
This goes on for hours until I wake up
every dream I had seems real
I try to remember all that has happened
but it's hard when you can't feel
These episodes leave me heartless
it takes days to recover from them
they leave me so numb
I just wish I could be rid of them.

Sometimes I wish I was dead
these tears that I have are getting too old to shed
Whenever you're gone
something tells me you're not alone
I can't reach you on the computer
and you won't pick up your phone
What are you doing when I'm not around?
Thinking of you being unfaithful
makes it impossible to hear any sound
It hurts me inside to think badly of you
but the stories you have been telling me lately
just seem so untrue
Even when we hug
you smell different to me
You smell like alcohol and ****
the perfume on you doesn't smell like me
Even when we're together
you forget what I like
I point these suspicions out to you
then you get mad and we fight
I'm sick of the only one
who is doing her part
If your unhappy just tell me
don't keep breaking my heart
I can't go on like this
this fear is driving me crazy
just answer me honestly
are you cheating on me?

I feel like I'm losing air
I can't seem to breathe
no matter how many times I try to relax
I still trip over my feet
I feel like I'm going in circles
I hear my heart beating like crazy
I'm thinking of all the reasons as to why I feel this way
but I can't remember anything
Why can't I catch my breath?
Why can't I speak?
What the hell is wrong with me?
Why am I getting weak?
Somebody tell me what is happening
why doesn't anyone care?
this unexplainable feeling goes away
once I wake up from this horrible nightmare.

I have no idea what you look like
but I know you are flawlessly beautiful
I have never touched you
but I can feel your arms around me as I sleep
I have never heard your voice
but I hear the sweet things you whisper to me
I have never spoken to you in person
but I know that I can trust you with anything
I do not know what makes you tick
I do not know what kind of music you are into
I do not know anything about you
All that I know is you're from the future
You're my soul mate who is waiting for me
and until we meet I will continue to search for you
so that when we meet in person
I can show you this poem to prove I have loved you before I met you
and I will continue to love you even after I die

Someone told me you were asking about me
you wanted to know how I've been
I told that person your not worthy enough to know anything about me
so the next time just change the subject
If you were really concerned about my well being
you would ask me yourself
instead of playing dumb to all of my friends
and wanting answers from everyone else
The truth is though I have been wonderful
I've never felt more alive
the day you left is the day you chose to let me go
and I'm grateful for the goodbye
Your exit brought many new friends
who would love to kick your ***
but I tell them your not worth it
because you are now part of my past
I'm sure you thought I would be sad for awhile
but I've been through this crap before
I know how it will go from here
you'll eventually end up at my door
Only this time when you knock
I won't answer you at all
you don't deserve me or my heart
I won't let you treat me like a toy anymore

Too many tears fall down her cheeks
like raindrops sliding down a window
she cries but no one hears her
she thinks no one gives a **** about her
She falls on her bed and wipes her face
she wants the pain to stop
she feels the pressure upon her chest
and she just wants it to stop
Nothing matters to her anymore
not since her brother died
school, friends, life in general
were all replaced by thoughts of suicide
She hasn’t eaten in a week
she has no appetite
she’s sick but she doesn’t care
she’s so sick of living life
Without a thought of what she’s doing
she grabs the chair from her desk
she looks to the ceiling says her brothers name then whispers “God I’m next”
she puts the rope around her neck
and takes her last breath
a picture of her and her brother slips from her hand
as she hangs herself to death

When something upsets you,
stop a minute,
think and ask yourself
"Is there anything I can do to change this situation?"
If not, let it go and move on.
God will take care of it.
So will karma.

I don't want him to go away
I don't want us to go away
I don't want our memories to go away
I don't want to lose him
I don't want all of the good times we have to disappear
I don't ever want to think about us splitting up
I like being with him
I like who I am around him
I like how nothing can hurt me when I am in his arms
I like hearing his voice when I am going to sleep
I like how he kisses me goodbye when I leave his house at night
I like the friendship we have
I like how close we are
I like how he makes me laugh
I like how he wipes my tears away
I like how the world looks so pretty when he is smiling at me
I like his encouragement
I like how he keeps me strong
I like how on really hot days we always find something to do
I like how he calls me "babe"
I like how I can get so crazy around him and he doesn't care
I like how he's pure of heart
I want him to stay
I want us to stay
I want the memories we have to never go away

I just want to be with a man who won't run away when I tell him that I have a mental disorder

I don't know what's going on with you
I can't see what your thinking in your mind
all I know is that your pushing me away
and I don't understand why
You won't talk to me when your mad
you won't come to me when your down
when I try to comfort you, you just walk away
without making any sound
I feel like you don't love me anymore
and that's really sad to think about
considering your the one I want to spend my life with
your all that I think about
you used to tell me everything
now I never know where you are
it feels like your miles away from me
when your not really far at all
I don't want to date a ghost
this emotional distance is keeping us apart
I want to help you and be there for you
but it's hard when you keep breaking my heart
I don't know how to reach you
I'm running out of things to do
but know that I'm not going anywhere
When you feel like yourself again
I will be right here waiting for you because I love you

I don’t care what you did before I met you.
I don’t care who you use to be,
I don’t care who you slept with,
what drugs you did,
what mistakes you made in the past.
Everyone has skeletons including myself.
You are who you are because of the mistakes you made.
I can’t change the past.
I can only live in the now.
Who you are now is what matters most to me.
I’m not the same person I was 7 years ago and niether are you so why judge each other for people we used to be?
That was then.
This is now.
Now is all that matters to me.

Their talking to me
they won't go away
They tell me bad things
every single day
They laugh at me
you should hear what they say
They take away my energy
and make it hard to talk
They torment me
they make it hard to stand
They leave me lonely
so no one can hold my hand
They call me names
and tell me to die
So I sit at my desk
and write my last goodbye
They keep on talking
they won't stop
Their breaKING mY heaRT
and THey Won'T stop
They KEEp ON TALKING
I WANT THEM TO STOP
I KEEP HEARING VOICES
PLEASE MAKE THEM STOP!!!!!

Swaying on the swing set in the warm summer breeze
I close my eyes and smile
I love days like these
Days at the park are priceless
I let my mind go free
I dance as the leaves make music
I run feeling the cold grass on my feet
I sit on the bench and watch others live their lives
I am in awe with what I see
There are no celebrities walking the red carpet
I see average people like you and me
I come to the park to escape the teenage life
whenever I'm here I feel like I am four again
No girl is judging me or my clothes
no guy is calling me a *****
As the sun touches my skin I feel a warmth that can only come from love
I think about the scars on my arms
I cry until I have had enough
I get up and I spin in circles again
with each circle I make a piece of my past falls off of me
and that moment becomes a brand new day

Never trust a person who wouldn't walk in the rain for you.

I am confident
I am beautiful
I am radiant
I am delightful
I am strong
I am committed
I am talented
and I am not a quitter
I am friendly
I am proud
I am funny
and I am loud
I am smart
I am sweet
I am lovable
I am impossible to beat
I am strange
I am weird
I am different
and I don't care
I am serious
I am caring
and I never judge people by what they are wearing
I am a dreamer
I am a friend
I am a girlfriend who is faithful until the end
I am active
I am free
I refuse to be another stereotype
I choose to be me

When you try to leave the person who is nothing but a problem for you day in and day out and you end up staying with them because you feel bad when they cry and beg for you to stay that is not love. It's pity.

I used to know what I wanted to be when I grew up
For as long as I could remember
my dream was to be a writer
I always thought I needed to know the future in order to be happy
Now that I am at the age where I can work hard to be anything I want to be
I am starting to see how wrong I was
I can be a writer
I can be a model
I can be a mother
I can spend all of my time working my *** off if I wanted to
Working all of the time became an addiction like cutting
There was no time to enjoy anything
I was so busy putting pressure on myself
that I forgot how to live in the moment
All of the hours I spent working
All of the time I spent trying to be the perfect adult was a waste of time
Life was passing me by and I was missing it
Working is a good thing
however there is more to life than work
It is okay to not know what to do with your life
No one has their **** together
Age does not mean anything
Take time to enjoy yourself
Take time to just be
Take time to do what makes you happy
Life is unfair and difficult
but life has a way of falling perfectly together in a way you never dreamed of
Working is a necessity but so is happiness

He has always had this look in his eyes since the very first day we shook hands

He quotes parts of my favorite movies when he tries to make a point
He bakes the only type of cookies I will eat even though he cannot stand the taste of them

He does my laundry without asking me first so I have one less thing to worry about during the day

When I am sad he sings songs to me that his friends would laugh at him for

I went to borrow a sweater from his bedroom weeks ago and noticed that it smelled just like Fall, which is my favorite scent in the whole wide world

Even though he cannot stand sleeping with the lights on he never goes to sleep without turning on the Christmas lights in the living room because he knows how much they make me smile

On Halloween he dressed up as Jack Skellington and gave me a rose that smelled like a snowflake

On rainy days we sit outside watching the lightening even though he is terrified of it

On a game of truth or dare we were dared to share a kiss and when I leaned in to complete the dare, he backed away and said "Not like this"
On my birthday in July he took me to a rooftop where there was pizza and wine

The time on my phone said 8 o'clock

He took my hand and said "I am in love with you"

I squeezed his hand lightly and said "Me too" as we shared our first kiss

If only you knew how crazy my heart gets whenever I hear you laugh.
You're perfect.

She said "I just want to make an impact on the world. I want to feel like I matter. I want to make a difference. I want to feel like my presence makes someone else's life a little bit better."

He said " Oh honey, if you knew how much of an impact you make on this world you would be terrified. You matter so much it is upsetting that you do not see that. You make a difference everyday just by being you and trust me when I say your presence does more than make someone else's life better. Your presence is enough to cure a grown man's anxiety attack, your presence is the light in someone's darkness and every time I have the pleasure of being in your company I am amazed with who I see. Every moment with you is an adventure that I wish would never end. Believe me when I say that if you ever went away, hearts would break and the world would grieve until the end of time."