Dear Lord,

I am scared to live my life
out of fear of getting hurt
For most of my life I have been abused
disappointed and treated like dirt
I know you are the key to happiness
yet I always run away
I make promises to do better
but tend to do the opposite everyday
Control is always a problem for me
it is something that I desperately crave
I find it hard to be myself sometimes
when I know that is the one thing that makes me brave
I am seriously lost, Lord
I feel like throwing in the towel
I have dreams I want to make come true
I just don't know how
Lord, take away my fear
replace my fear with faith
Please give me peace of mind
fill me with love and burn my self hate
Give me strength when I feel weak
send angels to comfort me when I am lonely
Help me ignore the devil's negativity
surround me with anything that is holy
Take away my doubts
replace my depression with energy
Surround me with positive hearts
who will be constant reminders that you are with me
Help me to be strong
help me to not be so angry
Help me to never forget
that through you I can do anything

I turn twenty-three in twelve days
I still have not gotten anywhere with my life
I am a loser in a ****** city
full of people who cheat and lie
I feel pathetic a lot of the time
I should be in college planning my future
But high school drop outs do not get to plan things
they stay stuck regretting past choices
I do not want to be forty years old
still dreaming of the life I want
Everyone I know has moved on in some way
even my enemies are doing alright
What if my dreams are really just dreams
that belong in my mind when I sleep
Maybe my high school teachers were right
without their lectures I will not be anything
Still a part of me is glad I am not as far as everybody else
Maybe I am on the right track with my dreams
maybe something great is in the making
Maybe this is the year my dreams come true
I will finally be the published writer I want to be
Maybe everything I have been working so hard for
will pay off when I am twenty-three

Never trust a person who wouldn't walk in the rain for you.

Someone once told me that to make my writing better you got to read two hours of different kinds of poetry everyday. They also said to make time to read everyday, even when I am tired. Not only will my writing get better but I as a person will get better because not only will I gain inspiration, I am also opening up my heart in a way that is very hard to do with actual people. As I read I will be taken to places I only dream of in my dreams. I will learn all sorts of things that you can't be taught in school. I will make friends with fictional characters that will teach me what it means to be a friend. I will discover things about myself I never knew were there and I will be reminded to dream impossible things. I may seem crazy for believing in the worlds I read about in my books but it's always the craziest people who dare to dream impossible things.

I fell in love with you from the moment I saw you
It wasn't because of your smile
it wasn't because of your laugh
it wasn't because of your love for strange things
or how you told the same hilarious jokes over and over again
It wasn't the way your hair fell onto your face as we made out in your bed
It wasn't the way you looked shirtless when you stepped out of the shower
It wasn't the way the snowflakes clung to you and hugged you when we played in the snow until a quarter to three
It was the way you noticed my presence without me having to say a single word

Reading to me is like being in a relationship. You invest your time getting to know characters like you do getting to know someone. There are no pictures in novels so you fall in love with a characters personality and heart instead of their looks which I think a lot of people don't do in the real world anymore. You go on adventures, you feel things and parts of you that you thought died are brought back to life with one simple quote, phrase or line. The characters may be fictional but the things the characters go through sometimes are actual things people go through. It's nice to have places and people to lean on when reality gets to be a little too much. The best part is that the characters never leave. If you miss them, just open the book and there they are. People complain that reading takes too much time. Books are like life. You have to take it one chapter at a time because if you move too fast, you will miss the most important moments. Life already moves too quickly. It's nice to be able to pick up a book, take your time and catch your breath.

I was sitting on the windowsill
crying after having a bad day
He came home from work with takeout and flowers
and asked me if I was okay
I quickly wiped my tears away
I did not want him to see me cry
I told him "hello" with a fake smile
that you couldn't ignore if you tried
As I was taking the food out of the takeout bags
he looked at me so serious
I asked him what was the matter
he answered do not be ridiculous
I felt stupid for hiding my sadness
I felt even more dumb for being sad in the first place
As I cleared my throat to tell him what was wrong
he kindly put his hand on my face
He said "I do not know what is making you sad
if it is something I can help you with then please let me help
I know how much you like to do things on your own
but sometimes we all need to lean on somebody else
I am not here just for the good days
I am here for the bad days too
and if you want to sit and cry
then I will sit and cry with you
Do not be ashamed to tell me how you are feeling
I won't be angry at you for being human
I will hold you for hours if you want me to
while I list off the reasons why you are an amazing woman
I will spend hours being a goof
until I get you to laugh
or I will lay down with you in bed
and watch you sleep as I caress your hand
If singing you a song will make you feel better
I will sing every song that I know
If I could go to space and bring you every single star in the sky
I would do that if it will make your smile glow
I am sorry you feel this way
I am sorry your day ******
I will do everything to make you feel better
because I love you that much."

Sometimes I feel like a puppet
being played with by my father
Every time I get *******
the first person I yell at is my mother
My father was like that too
except alcohol was his puppet master
Every time I think of my father
I can feel my already heated blood start to boil faster
Ever since I have gotten to know him
I have realized I am like him in so many ways
We are quick to make opinions
we collect music you couldn't finish listening to for days
We are very particular about the dumbest things
it does not take a lot for us to get angry
We become hateful when someone brings up past mistakes
we laugh at things that should not be funny
We do not let anyone in
we spend most of our time alone
When we do not have work related stuff to do
we prefer to stay at home
We both have a love for trucks
we are cigarette addicts too
When I try to make a list of all of the good things about my father
I can only name a few
My father is clean and straight forward
he has no problem telling the truth
He loves to eat Mexican food
he loves Winter too
He is quiet, he is handsome
he loves m&m;'s just like me
He loves Taylor Swift and Pink Floyd
his favorite time of day is morning
My father has problems like I do
only difference is I got help for mine
My father is a person who can be really mean
then an hour later act like everything is fine
He is worse when he drinks
so am I which is why I hardly ever do
Underneath him though is a conflicted heart
despite what people might think
Whenever I get angry
I think of my father
I can't help but blame him sometimes
whenever I feel like the world's biggest bother
No matter what I do to change
I feel the sadness for my father get worse
With his blood in my veins I have no choice
than to accept my father's curse

People often ask me why a romance lover like myself is single
The answer to that question is complicated yet simple

Love terrifies me

I am one of those girls who smiles when she sees a cute couple walking down the street yet when I imagine doing that with someone my body tenses up with so much anxiety it is enough to make me puke

I lie in bed at night wishing I had someone to cuddle with
yet in the morning I am so thankful to have my bed all to myself

I would love to share a home with a man I love because I do get lonely at times but then I think of all the things that change when you live with somebody and my loneliness does not become a problem anymore

I crave the kind of romance you see in all of the movies
yet if the opportunity for romance presented itself I would turn it down because I do not have the energy to fall in love with someone so deeply and love them the way they should be loved

I do not have the motivation to put myself out there and get to know someone as I am allowing a stranger to get to know me

I do not have the courage to expose myself to the wonderful things love has to offer

I do not have the strength to deal with the possible heartbreak I will feel if things did end

I am too worn out to give my heart to someone just for it to break so I can spend the next three years putting pieces of myself back together.

You are not broken
You are injured
People get injured all of the time and that's okay
People only become broken if they allow themselves to stay injured

I am a magnet for psychotic women and ******* men
I can never seem to find healthy friendships or healthy relationships
In the past year I have had a war going on with two of the most unstable women I have ever met
One is a pathological liar and actress
the other one is crazy and dangerous
I have had three serious relationships with men
All three of them had problems
The first man was a pathological liar
The second man was a *** addict
The third man has Bipolar Disorder
I have my share of problems too
for most of my life I was sure I was going insane
Then I meet people like the ones I mentioned above
and I ask myself "what was I thinking?"
Although these people no longer have a place in my life
I find myself asking questions all of the time
Why do I always end up becoming close to crazy women?
Why do I fall in love with unstable men?
You would think I would be careful with who I let in
based on the previous history of my social life
Yet everyday my heart yearns for crazy
and I have no idea why

Sitting in the park
I am the only one here
I am drinking a sweet tea
pretending it is a beer
The weather was beautiful this morning
now it is hot as a *****
It is making me cranky
I hate days like this
Today I ditched school
because I am tired as ****
When I go to bed early
waking up is a pain in the ****
I must have insomnia
I really need help
I am getting physically sick
I do not know what to do with myself
I know once I go to sleep
I will wake up again
For now I am stuck in this park
until the school day ends



I had quite a mouth on me in high school...

I think love is stupid sometimes
The way it messes with your emotions is not right
I hate when you fall for someone
you think they love you back but they don't
The only reason why you know that is because you caught them somewhere with another girl
Did it break your heart?
Did it make you cry?
Did seeing the one you love with someone else tear your world apart?
Yes, yes and yes
Do you still love that man?
Yes.
Why?
Why are women like that?
Why do we waste our time loving men that don't love us?
We ask ourselves these questions and our answers are?
We don't know.
Why is love complicated?
Nobody knows.
That is why I think love is stupid...

Sometimes

I wonder what heaven is like
is it really great as it seems?
Is everyone forever young and beautiful?
Do you meet people from your dreams?
Does God really hold you in his arms
as he welcomes you home for good?
Is heaven really full of love and hope
or is it sadly just misunderstood?
I wonder if it snows in heaven
Winter is my favorite season
I wonder if I were to sit on a cloud
would God sit next to me and tell me that he loves me for no reason?
I wonder if you have thoughts in heaven
and if so do bad thoughts disappear?
I wonder if you could really fly
even if flying is your biggest fear
I wonder if God would even let me into heaven
he really should send me to hell
Where am I going to go when I die?
Right now I can't even tell
I don't know what is going to happen to my soul
when I take my last breath for good
Is there really even a heaven?
Maybe I should go find out

I am not Ms. popular
that is okay with me
I honestly do not like attention
unless it is my friends who give it to me
I am no beauty Queen
that is totally fine
I like the way that I look
I have no problem flaunting what is mine
I am not the one all of the guys want
I like it that way
It is nice to go out and have fun
without getting hit on everyday
I am not 100% anything when it comes to stereotypes
and I don't want to be
I like the idea of being open to anything
that way no one can label me
I am not a *****, I am not a troublemaker
I do not sit around letting others peer pressure me
I am someone who drowns out all of the negative noise
while following the beat to my own drum
I am the one who stands out in the crowd
by choosing to be the odd one

You know the moments when we hang out
the hours just fly by
We sit and watch movies until we fall asleep
and everything is alright
I love the moments when we are alone
and you stare into my eyes
I see things that I have never seen before
and it takes me by surprise
You know the moments when we are at your house
you make me my favorite drink
I think it is cool that you remember what I like
I don't have to remind you about anything
I like how you notice my do's and don'ts
and you never complain
I also like how you show me off to the world
and I love how you say my name
I like the moments when you hug me
you never want to let me go
Even when we are out in public
you're not afraid to let your feelings show
You know the moments when we are at my house
we are up all night, too in love to rest
When we kiss and tell each other "I love you"
those are the moments I love the best

I feel like I am being pinned to the floor
as if someone is holding a pillow over my face
making it hard to breathe
I see the world spinning
I see colors mixing together making it hard to see straight
I am getting dizzy and it makes me want to throw up
Honestly all I want to do is sleep
I am tired
I am so tired that I am turning into a different person
I get so angry
I get so overwhelmed
Even when I do sleep it still feels like I have been up all night
I can't take much more of this
I am goIng CRazy
I JUST WANT TO SLEEP
I AM SO TIRED I JUST WANT TO CRY
I CAN SLEEP FOR TWO DAYS STRAIGHT AND STILL FEEL TIRED
I CAN'T EVEN KEEP MY EYES OPEN AS I WALK
I REALLY CAN'T TAke this anymore
I don't know what to do
I just want to sleep


This was written back when my insomnia was so bad I missed a week of school because I could not sleep. I was up for almost a week one time, my eyes had black circles underneath them, I could not take part in a conversation because my words would slur. I had one incident where I was walking home from school one afternoon and I fell asleep while walking. There were many times my Mom had to pick me up early from school because I would go to the counselors office so exhausted that she thought I was on drugs but I wasn't. My therapist at the time put me on sleeping pills. I missed another week of school to catch up on sleep I was missing and after about a month of developing a healthy sleep schedule, I was feeling much better. I still struggle with Insomnia from time to time but as an adult now I have better control over it than I did when I was a teenager. People think Insomnia is not a big deal but it actually is a big deal and it can cause many problems for people.

I have this feeling that something is not right
it is as if something bad is about to happen
I try to ignore this feeling as much as I can
but sometimes it is impossible to ignore
I have so much on my mind
going for walks used to help but lately
I just want to throw up everything inside of me
Sleeping is supposed to drown out everything
you are supposed to get peace when you sleep
Except for me
I get nothing but nightmares
I wake up so much through out the night I might as well not go to sleep at all
I get so depressed that I forget where I am sometimes
I never have days where I am just happy
I always end up feeling depressed about something
I feel so alone too
I have friends yet I feel like I am walking alone all of the time
I am even thinking about cutting again
Cutting does not get me anywhere though
It takes me to a painful state of mind where my emotions are out of control
I cannot function unless I feel physical pain
When I cut I am in control with my emotional pain
I like having that control
I have fewer breakdowns with that control
School is easier to deal with when I have that control
My life itself is a nightmare
I have no choice but to live with what I have
To not live with my disorder would be to commit suicide and suicide is too easy
One cut, one bullet, one leap off of a really tall building could end it all for good
Life is a challenge for me
It is a challenge I choose to beat
This bad feeling I have may just be a warning
It is a warning telling me I am about to lose it
If I do not take a step back and breathe
I might do something really stupid
I have come too far to be stupid
I need to stop
rewind
breathe
shift my focus to something that will take my mind off of this bad feeling
if I don't this could all end very badly

I want to go to California
I want to go alone
I want to drive for hours
without having to stop to answer my phone
I want to drive all night and day
I don't want anything to pass me by
I want to see amazing sights
and smile as I cry
I want to walk through waves in the ocean
I want the wind to blow through my hair
I want my past to fall to pieces in the sand
so I can bury it there
I want to run through the streets of Los Angeles
I want to smell the air in Beverly Hills
I want to meet new people and hear their stories
about how they have faced their biggest fears
I want to walk on the beach at sunset
I want to dance in circles at dawn
I want to visit places I have never been to
and do karaoke to my favorite songs
I want to stroll down memory lane in Anderson
I want to jump off of cliffs at the lake
I want to swim from one island to another
and take in the views like a great piece of cake
I want to chill next to the Hollywood sign
buy gifts for the people I love
I want to make my dreams come true in California
and eventually call it home
I know I will never want to leave California
but I can always go back whenever my heart calls for it
California is a place of possibilities for me
and I cannot wait to one day be a part of it

I decided to make some changes for myself
starting with my social life
It seems that whenever I trust somebody
I end up paying some sort of price
I need to start doing good in school
I cannot keep ******* around
When the pressure is high and life is out of control
I gotta keep my feet on the ground
I need to do more physically
I sit around too much
I need to start hanging out with more people
that way I do not turn into an unsocial nut
I need to start reaching my goals
they are very important to me
I need to think more about my future
there is so much that I want to see
I need to change my attitude  
I am turning into a *****
I need to stop being jealous of others
I am too old to be throwing any fits
I need to start making changes now
there is no better time than the present
I need to start setting up a life for myself
and drop all of my bad habits
I need to be a better friend
before I lose someone very important
When my friends make stupid life long decisions
it is my job to love them, not judge them
I need to re-think about a lot of things
I am starting to hate the person I am becoming
I need to catch myself before I fall too hard
and forever lose myself

My best friend is having a baby with his girlfriend
it is killing me inside
It is because I am in love with him
it hurts to see her by his side
I have loved him for awhile
but I have kept my mouth shut
I did not want to create drama
although my feelings bothered me a lot
I have cried myself to sleep
knowing that he loves her instead of me
We were meant to be just friends
that is the way it has to be
I would do anything for him
I am here for him through thick and thin
Yet not a day goes by
where I wish to be with him
I have got to stop wishing though
it is a wish that will never come true
Even though it hurts to do so
getting over him is what I have got to do

Today my world fell apart
one of my best friends died
As soon as I heard the news
all I wanted to do was cry
I felt my body go numb
in the person's arms who was holding me
I felt my tears fall to the floor like rain
as I sat there on my knees
As I walked home from school that day
I felt a raindrop on my head
I think about my last moments with my friend
and all of the things he said
He was the first one I went to
whenever I needed to cry
When I felt stupid about a challenge
he would always encourage me to try
His death was so unexpected
he was just here yesterday
How can someone you hugged twenty four hours ago
just simply go away
Where do I go from here now
my life was revolved around him
Now I am here to live life alone
and I really, really miss him
As I get home and walk into my room
the rain falls outside in a rush
I sit in the dark and cry into my pillow
imagining his touch
All that is running through my head right now
is how life used to be
How I lost my best friend
who was a special part of me

I feel like I cannot breathe
I feel like I am suffocating under so much pressure that I am forgetting who I am
I just want to explode
All of my emotions are eating away at me and no matter how hard I cry they will not leave my body
I just want to scream
I want to sleep and never wake up
I want to run away to a world where pain does not exist
I really want things to be the way they used to be
When friends were there for you no matter what you did
When school was like a giant playground because everything you did was fun
When the only time you cried was when you fell off of your bike and skinned your knee
When the only thing you had to worry about were your brothers destroying your Barbie dolls
When just a kiss from your Mom healed the heartbreak of the first boy who did not like you

Now as I sit in algebra writing this
I think about the times I have hurt myself just to numb the pain inside
I think about the boyfriends who broke up with me and I still loved them because I promised to always love them
I think of all the friends I never had due to moving around so many times
I think about the times I chose not to eat because I thought I had to be thin like Britney Spears just to be considered beautiful
I have wasted so much time in my teen years
I followed everyone else instead of following my heart
I ran away from my problems instead of facing them
I had so much potential but I was too dumb and too blind to see that
Now I am seeing who I really am
I am finally gaining the courage to be myself
I can't take back the years that I lost
All things happen for a reason
I am thankful for half the crap I went through
Those hard times made me a better person
I have loved, I have hated
I have been used, I have been betrayed
No matter who hurts me, no matter what happens
I love my life either way
I am happy with the friends I have
They always put a smile on my face
Whether they choose to walk out of my life
Whether they choose to stay in my life
No one can ever take their place

I still feel like I cannot breathe
The pressure is slowly going away
Even though I am very tired
I am going to push myself through this day
Even though I want to explode
I will not let my emotions get the best of me
I am going to breathe, I am going to be strong
and just let the day be

When I think about forever
I think of being with you
I think of you always being by my side
through everything we may have to go through
I think of conquering our dreams together
and making each other smile
I think of us staying strong for each other
if distance separated us for awhile
I think of us being lovers and friends
who never give up on love
I think of us still being madly in love with each other
if one of us was taken above
I think of an amazing future
it is so exciting to see
When I think about forever
I think of you and me

When life falls apart and you feel you can't be strong
know that I am here for you
I have been all along
I have always had your back
I am just waiting for your call
I have seen what you are going through
I have been there through it all
I am here to hold your hand
I am here to catch your tears
I am here to make you laugh
and walk with you as you face your fears
I am here to make you smile
I am here for every storm
I am here to hold you tight
even after your not hurting anymore
My hugs are nothing special
I just hope they ease the pain
My advice may not be the best
I just hope it helps you through the rain
So when life is no longer falling apart
and you have finally made it along
Do not forget that I am still here for you
to remind you that you are strong

I wish I could take away your pain
I hate to see you cry
I really want to make you feel better
but you got to let me try
I do not like seeing you angry
it upsets me as well
I do not like worrying if you are okay or not
but lately I can never tell
I hope things get better for you
I do not like seeing you stressed
I know I can't make everything better
I am really trying my best
All I can do is be here for you
Try my hardest to not let you down
Just know that whenever you need me
I will always be around

For at least a week my Mom kicked me out
so I stayed with my very best guy friend
I am glad I decided to go home with him
I had so much fun hanging out with him
He listened to me when I was upset
I had a lot of things on my chest
When I was tired he would hold me in his arms
as we both let our minds rest
All I had with me were my clothes
and clothes was all I needed
All we did was lay around, watch movies to catch up on sleep and we succeeded
I really liked Saturday night
when we baby sat a couple of bad seeds
We sat at the table barking orders
as he taught me how to play speed
We talked about him and his girlfriend
we stayed up late watching Nick @ Nite
He would sit outside with me as I smoked
while the moon shone so bright
The best part about my stay
was having him to myself
I learned he will always be there for me
I would never find him in anyone else
I also realized how blessed I am
to have a great friend like him
I know he will always stick by my side
and for that I will always cherish him

I go to this thing called "Teen Night"
which takes place every Saturday night
I go there to dance my stress away
not to deal with drama and fight
I cannot stand to go alone
it just isn't as fun
That is why I take all of my friends with me
I love being surrounded by the people I love
I am not the type who goes to parties and gets wasted
I prefer pizza and friends
I like to stay up all night
while smoking cigarettes until the night ends
I like drinking my energy drinks
and taking selfies with my crew
I like to look my best, show off a little
but nights like that are few
Teen night is where I go to escape
it is worth the six bucks
Not only do I get to disappear in a crowd
I am greeted by lots of hugs
Teen night is where I let go of everything
it's where the music absorbs my stress
From the time it starts until the time it ends
all I do is dance the night away

I felt my heart drop to the floor
as he was walking hand in hand with her
I thought they were fighting again
I thought he had broken up with her
I wanted to cry and run to the bathroom
but I am not in seventh grade anymore
It is time I ****** up my pity
and pick my heart up off of the floor
I take my purse and walk to class
I have more important things to do
I do not want to deal with heartbreak this year
I want to do something new
Maybe I should switch schools
Maybe I should just leave
Maybe I should just deal with it
there are bound to be more days like these
I make it to my first class on time
I see my best friend waving at me
I ask her how her summer went
her smile was great to see
I push back my hair and put on a smile
as if I am an actress on film
I do all that I can to ignore the realization
that I am still in love with him

If singing a song would make your tears go away
I would sing you every song I know
If telling you stories makes you laugh
I would talk until I couldn't speak anymore
If the sound of my voice saying your name gives you butterflies
I would say your name over and over again
If you were falling apart at three in the morning
I would walk over and let you cry as I held your hand
If you said you were ugly
I would go on for hours telling you how handsome you are to me
If you wanted to dance but there was no music
I would dance with you to the sound of your heartbeat
If you ever felt worthless I would tell you all the reasons why you are amazing
If you were feeling restless I would take you out so we could do something crazy
If I could I would take your broken heart, fix it and keep it with me
I would prove to you how much I love you so you could learn to trust me
I would carry your heart everywhere with me
I would do what I could to keep it safe
I wouldn't give any other girl a chance to tear it up
I wouldn't leave it in a random place
If we fought from time to time
I wouldn't stop loving you if I tried
You would always be on my mind
I would love you until the day I die
I would do anything to see you smile
I would go to hell and back for you without any fear
I would prove to you I am not like most girls
I am faithful and honest
as long as you want me to stay I won't be going anywhere

I am like a cup of coffee
The black coffee is my soul
the cup is my body
the hot temperature is my love
the steam rising are my dreams
The sugar is my friends
the cream is my family
Leave me out too long
I start to get cold
re-heating me is like giving me a hug
reminding me that I am not alone
The spoon is my soulmate
I need him to mix the flavors
Whip cream is the blessings
I receive on a daily basis
The sprinkles on top are milestones I have reached
the scent is my voice for when I sing and when I speak
Vanilla is my favorite holidays
Chocolate is my birthday
Raspberry is my laughter
Macchiato is my sad days
Pumpkin Spice is my comfort
Peppermint is my kisses
Lattes are my poetry
Cappuccinos are my tears
Every flavor is another part of me you have to get to know first in order to like
Irish Creme is my hello
Hot chocolate is my goodbye
I am brewed every minute of everyday
I am well loved by everybody
I can warm you up and make you feel alive
just like a cup of coffee

I am no one special
just a complicated girl
Living in a complicated world
trying to find her place
Where that is I am not so sure
I am not an angel
Never been a beauty queen
never been anything
Other than a troubled soul
trying to find a place in this world

I am lost
I am scared to show who I am
in a world where no one cares if you cry
Scream or commit suicide
How pitiful the world we live in
I do not want to be number one
I do not need a band account full of all the money in the world
I just want to be beautiful
and understood in a world that rarely cares at all
if I scrap my knees and fall
I could bleed, I could die
no tears would be shed from your eyes
How horrible to realize
you do not matter in this world

I am not Jesus
I would love to be a hero to someone who is lost in this world
just dying to be heard
I want to be the one who catches you when you're feeling overwhelmed
because you're frustrated and ignored
I want to be that open door that sets you free
to be the person you were meant to be

I want to see you fly
spread your wings into the sky
with the confidence that you will not fall
knowing you are risking it all
I want to see you shine to the ones who left you behind
I want to see you rise up
look to the stars and know that you are incredible
because in my eyes you are beautiful
You are someone special
complicated but full of dreams
Your scars they don't scare me
in fact they don't mean anything to me

To someone you are number one
they adore the girl you have become
They would cry if you were gone
because in their world you are awesome

To the world I am a freak
they will not listen when I speak
I am too different to be understood
and that makes it really hard to find my place in this world

You told me to wait for you
I did
you never came back for me,

You told me to be honest with you
I was
and you got mad at me,

You told me to be happy
I was
you never saw that,

You told me to go after my dreams
I tried
you got so jealous,

You told me to be faithful
I was
you accused me of being a *****,

You told me to trust you
I did
you left my heart at the door,

You told me to be myself
I did
you didn't like who I was,

When questions would arise about why we did what we did
I had a good reason
all you could say was "because",

You told me to make a choice
I did
I chose you,

You tossed me away like a ******* toy
after all we have been through,

You told me I was always wrong
after all of the things that you have done,

You told me to go away
I did
I moved on

Can I ask you a question?
Do you really love me?
Can I have a second of your time?
I just want you to spend time with me
Can I have your attention?
I want to tell you how you make me feel
Will you please answer the phone?
I want you to know that these feelings I have are real
Will you please sit with me?
I just want to hold you in my arms
Will you spend just one night with me?
I just want to hear your heartbeat so do not be alarmed
Will you take a walk with me?
I do not want to be alone
Will you spend forever with me?
My heart could be your home
Will you smile for me?
Your smile always brightens up my day
Will you hold my hand and never let go?
I don't want you to ever go away
Will you please just relax?
Listen to me when I tell you that everything will be fine
I am not asking for much
I am just asking for a little bit of your time

I hate myself
I hate the way I cry
I hate my view of the world
I hate the scars I leave on my body
I hate the way I think
I hate the way I walk
I hate the way I treat people when I am mad
I hate how I feel inside
I hate the choices I make
I hate how I cannot make anyone happy
I hate how I give up so quickly
I hate how I close myself off from the world so that I never risk getting hurt
I hate how I care so much about others
yet nobody cares whether I live or die
I hate how my family treats me
I hate the word goodbye
I hate how I look
I hate the dreams I have
I hate my name
I hate life in general
I hate love
I hate sleep
I hate not being perfect
I hate being a **** up
I hate how he is worth it
I hate everyone and everything
I wish all this hate would just go away

I want you to hold me
I want you to whisper into my ear
I want you to want me like never before
I want you to touch me everywhere
I want you to kiss my lips
I want you to look me in the eyes
I want you to pull me super close
and ******* alive
I want you to caress me with your hands
I want your body next to mine
I want to roll around in the sheets with you
and not wake up until nine
I want to fall asleep on your chest
as I listen to you breathe
I want this moment to last forever
as you take all of me

My sister is twelve weeks pregnant
she is having complications
She started bleeding three days ago
she thinks she is going to have a miscarriage
Something to do with the placenta tore
but the baby still has a heartbeat
Not only can my sister not lift anything
she has to stay off of her feet
I have never seen my sister worry
She is normally really strong
When I saw her crying three mornings ago
I knew that something was wrong
To hear that I might lose my niece or nephew killed me
I left the room to talk to God
I sat on a sidewalk, begin to cry
then I started praying really hard
I asked God to take my life
I told him that I would give my life for that baby
I told him he could break my heart by taking away my boyfriend
I would get over it eventually
I told him to get me pregnant and take my child
I can handle the loss better than my sister can
I asked him to give me excruciating pain
I am pretty good at holding my own hand
I told him that I would rather have cancer
than to see my sister in pain
I asked him to please let the baby live
that I would do anything
I will give up whatever I have to
so that baby has a chance at life
I promised I would not be bitter
as long as my sister was alright
I told him I was ready to go at anytime
if he has to take me then go ahead
Just as long as I do not have to hear the words
that my sister's child is dead
I would sacrifice my life for my sister
I would do the same for her kids as well
I would do anything God asked me to
just as long as my sister doesn't  have to go through this hell

Right now I am thinking about you
I am wondering how you are
I wish I that I could see your face
I wish you weren't so far
I feel lonely without you
I miss the look on your face when you laugh
I miss taking funny pictures with you
while watching movies on good days that we have
I look at your picture on my wall
I wish I could just kiss you
I want to run up to you, jump into your arms
and tell you how much I miss you
I cannot wait until you come home
everyone here misses you
You're all that I talk about
because I love you
You're the best thing that has happened to me in a long time
you're everything I ever wanted
You love me unconditionally
always have since the day we started
I hope to see you again soon
that will be my Christmas wish
To see you, hold you and dance with you in the snow
as we share our New Years kiss

It has been six days since I have seen you
your scent is still lingering on my shirt
I am trying my best to hold myself together
but it is hard because I am always hurting
I miss you so much like crazy
no words can describe the ache I feel
The fact that I miss you is just another reminder
that what we have is real
This distance is only temporary
the love we share is forever
The distance will not drive us apart
it will only make us stronger
Knowing you will come back to me soon
makes this long distance thing easier to do
Everyday that passes is another day where I am closer to being with you

I am standing in the bathroom
with a razor in my hand
My face is covered in tears
I want this pain to end
My chest is pounding hard, it hurts to breathe
I am slowly losing my mind
If I cut just once the pain will ease up
and in a few minutes I will be fine
I do not want to be fine this time
I just want to be dead
I am tired of always faking a smile
as evil voices fill my head
There is nothing left for me here
except for disappointments and unhappiness
No one cares if I live or die
so ***** it, I am going to do this
I cut my vein in the perfect spot
I drop the razor on the floor
Blood starts pouring out of me
I am not feeling pain anymore
I fall to the ground with my eyes closed
curling up to my knees
I let myself bleed to death
as I enter an eternity of peace

My favorite thing about you is your smile
it just brightens up my day
It is there to comfort me when I am feeling blue
or when I am venting as you take in every word that I say
It is on your face when you kiss me
it gets wider with every "I Love You"
It makes me blush as I get goosebumps
and smiling is all that I want to do
Your eyes sparkle when you smile
they cause my heart to beat rapidly
I lose my breath so I take your hands
as I thank you for making me so happy
I get a view of your heart when you smile
that view makes me want to stare at you for hours
When I go to sleep the first thing I dream about are your brown eyes
and that perfect smile

What I love the most about swimming
is the feeling of water on my skin
When I close my eyes and go under water
it feels like I am washing away my sins
When I hold my breath until I can't no more
it reminds me that I am alive
In that moment I rise to the surface
and take a look at the sky
I feel the sun shining on me
I just enjoy the light it brings
I relax and breathe out
as I think about everything
I think of how far I have come
I am not who I was seven years ago
All of the pain that I was holding onto
I have finally let it go
I have forgiven others for hurting me
I have made peace with myself as well
I have forgiven myself for harming myself
whenever I got depressed as hell
I have learned to let myself be happy
I am an expert at being hurt
I have learned that I deserve to be appreciated
instead of being treated like dirt
I have learned to love myself
and embrace every flaw that I have
I have learned to remind myself that I am okay
whenever I feel sad
With that in mind I close my eyes
and go back under the water
I take in the moment while ignoring the cold
and remind myself that I am a fighter
Life is like a body of water
you can drown or roll with the waves
When life gets tough you can hold your breath and die
or rise to the surface and just breathe

They floated there in the water
freezing to their deaths
Their lips were ice and blue
there was frost on their breaths
The Titanic sank an hour ago
it took all that they had with it
Now all that they had were each other
neither one complained about it
Jack loved Rose since he saw her standing on Titanic's deck
he lost is breath as the wind blew through her red hair
She was a rich woman, he was a poor man
neither of them seemed to care
They would spend time together regardless of what other people thought
together they were free
As long as they were in each other's arms
they could be whoever they wanted to be
On their last night on the Titanic
their love was put to the test
Rose didn't want to be away from Jack
he was her prime example of how truly she was blessed
They held onto each other more than they ever did that night
up until the very end Jack reassured Rose that they would be alright
Once they were in the water
panic never hit their souls
Jack made sure they stayed together
he never let go of his beloved Rose
They found a part of a door
that was floating on the ocean's surface
The both of them together could not fit
yet they did not become hopeless
Jack let Rose lay on the door
so she wouldn't have to freeze
He stayed close to her side
while keeping afloat with his knees
They ignored the cold around them
by talking about their love
Jack told Rose how much he loved her
and how much he thanked the Lord above for her

As an hour or two passed
Jack and Rose grew very quiet
Almost everyone around them was dead
therefore it was silent
Rose looked up at the stars
and sang the song Jack had sung to her before
An icy tear slid down her cheek
as she thanked God for bringing him to her
Out of the corner of her eye
Rose saw a rescue boat up ahead
Her heart started thumping
not everyone was dead
She turned to Jack to let him know
but something shut her up
Jack's eyes were closed
he wasn't waking up
She called his name over and over
she told him there was a boat
She started crying when he didn't respond
she didn't want him to go
She grabbed his hand tightly
and cried against his nose
She knew that no matter what happened
she would always be his Rose
Knowing that he was gone
she began to cry her hardest
As she kissed his hand one last time
she said "I will never let go, I promise"
Her heart fell to pieces
she lost all emotion
She watched Jack slip away
deep into the ocean

Years passed since that night
Rose lived her life until she got too old
She never told anyone her Titanic story
she didn't think it was meant to be told
She spent her life out by the sea to be closer to Jack
not a day passed by where she didn't want him back
She finally told her story to her granddaughter and friends
when she went to sleep that night
She slipped away to heaven
to be with Jack again

Your heart will always lead you to where you need to be. Your mind has a tendency to make up things and make you believe things that are not even a real issue. Why would you follow something that sends mixed signals when you can trust something that will never let you down?

If I keep trying to please everyone then they will only ***** that I didn't please them right. It is a circle and the only way to break free from that circle is to not be afraid to be yourself, let yourself be happy even if some people disapprove of the choices you make. You control your happiness. As long as you're happy, that is all that matters.

When I think about losing you
I think about losing my best friend
I think about all we have gone through
how I would hate for all of the memories to end
When I think about kissing you
I think of how in love I am with you
You are the only man I want to be with
I want to spend my life with you
When I think about holding your hand
I think about how safe I feel
I feel loved and adored
I feel on top of the earth
When I think about being in your arms
I think about how happy you make me
You hold me and treat me like a Queen
I feel so lucky to be yours
When I think of marrying you
I think of taking your last name
Saying "I do" and walking into a life that will be forever changed
When I think of our life together
I think of love that will last forever
We are the couple who overcomes anything
We fall more in love with each other with each passing day

You are going away for a year
I am going to miss you so much
I am going to miss your smile, your laughter, your voice
I am going to miss the sparks that fly when our lips touch
I am going to miss your Packers cap
your skinny jeans and flip flops
I am going to miss our showers, our late night cigarette runs
and the hugs that make my heart stop
I am going to miss the way you make me giggle
whenever I am having a bad day
I am going to miss the way you say my name
you make it sound so beautiful in every way
I am going to miss your silly jokes
and cuddling with you in bed
I am going to miss hearing you talk in your sleep
about things I supposedly said
I am going to miss you taking me driving
I am going to miss being called "Babe"
I am going to miss the sparkle in your eyes because your so happy
I am going to miss your heart the most
it is so strong and so pure
I am going to miss you so much honey
Please come back to me
I love you

At this very moment my heart is breaking
It is breaking in two and I can feel it
It feels like a huge weight is on my chest
as if a ton of bricks fell on me
It is hard to breath
It hurts so bad I can't help but cry
I want the breaking to stop
I feel like a part of me is being ripped apart
and there is nothing I can do about it
I feel like part of me is gone and I can't get it back
Crying makes the pain worse
with every tear that falls
Another part of my heart breaks
Every breath I take
makes the aching hurt so much more
When the tears have stopped
a numbness falls over me making me very tired
With each breath I take my chest burns
like an open wound left untreated
I fall asleep and dream of memories
that make me smile so big
Then I wake up
I realize it was only a dream
I cry as my heart breaks all over again

Standing in my cap and gown
I look into my bedroom mirror
Today is my Graduation day
I cannot believe that the day is here
It feels like just yesterday I was a freshman
four years seemed so long
Now I am graduating, it is overwhelming
I will soon be walking the stage where I belong
I took my tests, I did my assignments
I made some great friends along the way
I partied hard, I made mistakes
that only prepared me better for this day
I laughed a lot, I cried a lot
I had my heart broken once or twice
I have said "Hello", I have said "Goodbye"
I have taken in lots of advice
I am leaving a place where I grew up
for a world where dreams come true
I may seem calm but I am really scared
I am unsure of what to do
I have the whole world at my feet
I can be anything I want to be
Now is the time to broaden my horizons
and be the best that I can be

As I stare at my bedroom walls full of memories from the past four years
I cannot help but cry
High school has been my life
I am not ready to say goodbye
There is more of the world I have to see
there are opportunities high school has prepared me for
I sneak in a smile as I straighten my cap
then I slowly close my bedroom door

I am sitting at my graduation
I suddenly hear my name
I walk the stage knowing that once I take my diploma
I will never be the same
The applause is getting louder, my classmates are whistling
I feel so much excitement inside
I take my diploma with confidence
and unleash emotions I can no longer hide

As I walk off the stage I see a new view of the world
I realize something new
Now is the time to live my life
to do all the things I have been waiting to do
I look at the people I am graduating with
I know they are all feeling that same way
Knowing that I take a deep breath in and tell myself I will be okay
Moments pass, we are high school graduates
we throw our caps into the air
We hug each other, we jump and scream
as confetti falls on our hair
We join our families who congratulate us
and tell us how proud they are
Happy tears run down everyone's faces
as I stand there feeling like a star.


I dedicate this poem to anyone who has graduated High School/College. With the way things are nowadays it is becoming rare to see people start something and then finish. I didn't finish high school but I went to my friends graduation and I felt so much pride for the ones graduating. It was amazing to see everyone's reactions when the graduation ended. There were tears, relief, shock and over all just happiness. People think graduating is just some lame thing that people do to be perfect and that is not true. Do not let anyone make you feel stupid for wanting to work hard at something. If that something is school, then keep going until the end. Be proud of your education and never stop learning.

A breakup means you are one step closer to finding your soulmate.