a striking slice along the creamy white
freckle galaxy that is my thighs

is this what i've become?

a dab of crimson, slow pour at first
then a scarlet waterfall, perfect picture of my pain.

why did i do this

throbbing pain, dulling my senses
my mind is numb, almost at ease.

it hurts, i knew it would

gently easing cotton over wound,
bittersweet burgundy blood, feeding into pristine purity

what have i done

Missing a glimpse of her
Was just as bad as being late.
My feeling flown all over the place.
The punctuality of being at the exact place at the right time.
Missing this glance everything falls out of place.
The sudden challenge of tomorrow.
Being on time, this moment left behind.
Admittedly I hurried the next moment.
To miss the same glance.
My feelings all over the place.
To think, flowers are never as late as they seem

I try to make you laugh as much as I can.
Still you sleep.
I have trouble dozing off.
To catch the part of my dream you laugh the hardest.
Soon as I am out good.
I wake right back up.
Aware that there is no such sleep.
Still I try

And I look into the depths of your eyes
In search of the truth,
But I can’t read them.
I can’t find anything that makes sense.

I do not know how you feel
Toward me,
Toward us.
So when I look into them,
Gaze into them a little too long,
And you ask me “what? What is it?”
I say “nothing”,
Because I can’t bring my lips to ask
What my eyes wish they could see
And that is: “How do you really feel about me?”

There are moments I wish to forget
There seem to be vestiges of you everywhere
That I see things not as they are
But a shadow, a spark, a thread of you

It's been some time
Enough to think I was okay
Then one day I smell your scent and your vague image slowly turned into my sharpest memory

Or maybe you were always the clearest memory
Which I chose to hide in the closet
Because I know I couldn't forget

But this is how I want to forget
I wish I could open the door and not think of the last time you closed it
I wish I could say goodbye without hearing you say it back

And these aren't all
I find myself hoping I could put all the happy moments behind
Because they were hard to beat and I never felt the same

Sometimes I wish
I could listen to a song and not hear your voice singing it to me
And read a book without seeing your delicate fingers hold the pages' ends

I wish I could wake up and not see your smile shining brighter than the sun
Or tuck the blankets in without feeling your arms wrapping around me

But I know
I know I can brave this world with just the precious memories of you.