Breathe in, breathe out, then die.
That’s what I’ve done for the past 4,271,344 seconds, and I’m exhausted.
I don’t want to breathe anymore.
I don’t want to do anything anymore.
I’m not even scared of dying, I am so so scared of living though.
I wrote them a letter about who I am.
Who I am is not what they want.
Maybe it’s my fault for lying in the letter, I told them I was happy while holding back tears.
I wonder when my lies will stop being enough for people to stop checking on me.
Give them a smile, tell them “I’m okay”, and they’ll leave you to pick yourself apart.
I’m so tired.
And my ribs feel so heavy.
But don’t worry.
I’m okay.
I’ll just breathe in,
Breathe out.
And die.

I've been told
I feel too much
I overreact
As I'm easily judged
I overthink
Fervently speak
You dismiss my beliefs
And enforce critique

I've accepted your view
It's not mine to change
But open your mind
As our perspectives exchange

It's a gift and a curse
This heart of mine
For those I love or barely know
I'd drop everything, in the blink of an eye

It's true,
I feel ten times more than you
Your words hold the power
To rip me in two

But also know
I laugh louder than most
Joy floods my veins
Insanely compassionate--diagnosed

Worn heart on my sleeve
Isn't that what they say?
My emotions revealed
Requires more strength than you display

I choose to see good
In most everyone I meet
The world is cold enough
I empathize, I know how it mistreats

The spirit of a child
My soul in search of wonder
At the sight of the ocean
Or the clapping of thunder

I believe this is beauty
A mystery most won't comprehend
I'd face the demons before you
If it meant your nightmares end

I'll never stop feeling so deeply
Believe me when I say I've tried
Every fiber of me is stitched in love
An easy target, but you're welcome inside

© JL Smith