Tonight,
under the stars
that condemned us,
it finally felt right.
You and I
talking again,
so effortlessly.
It was like
we were never scraped
out from eachothers hearts.
It felt like
the past year,
where everything
was messed up and
we didn't speak
all just disappeared.
once again,
you and I were beautiful.
And it hurts like hell
because tomorrow
I know you'll fall
back into her arms
disregarding that we ever spoke.

Oh god...
                            You make me want
                                 To die.
             I want to destroy the world around me
             And find comfort in the pain.
             I need you to rip my lungs out
             And give me hell.
             I'm getting bad again,
             Yet all I can think about is
             Keeping your head above water.
             I yearn for the burn of a
             Rusty blade making
             Metallic love to my cursed skin.

Lay our heads upon the track,
Hold my hands, We'll be just fine.
Patience, my dear, patience is key.
Together We'll leave this world, so happily.

Into the walls
of your ******* brain
I've always wanted to carve my name
so that when this is all over
when this is all nothing
you'll still remember me.
You've always been the type of person
to forget people like me
too easily.
Don't you dare,
Don't you dare forget me.
I have my ways
to make you remember.
And you're gonna want to
tear your head apart
looking for a way
to stop my name from scarring,
Sweetheart, scars fade
But I'll make sure the pain
and memories remain.

I swear I've never seen a more beautiful body than yours
as it was swinging from the roof.
You were almost hypnotic.
your whole life was always something of a dark show.
And i memorized your peaceful expression
seeing you happy, atleast, for the last time
It gets me dizzy and jealous, i think.
I think i'm just dilerious and beyond the point
of sane,

You say that you're unthought of in this dark and cobwebbed mind of mine.

You say you're vanishing and dissolving from this grey, boring life of mine.

You say I've had enough and I've given up,

you say I'm losing myself and the only person who I've ever loved.

But what you don't know,

Is that I'm too afraid to tell you that;

you're in every single one of my demented dreams; saving me.

You don't know you're in every single one of my thoughts in the waking day.

I could never have enough of your precious company; it is just stolen time, with you.

I'm too scared to hurt you dear, that's why you don't know these things,

I'm too scared so instead I push you away.

And I promise, I'll never lose myself, for your sake; so you'll never lose me.

But my silence right now, will set me free.

Everyone uses me as a diving platform,
To plunge into their own happiness.
But I still have stage fright.
I’m still scared of drowning…
Of trying.
Shuffle my feet to the edge…
And I jump backwards.
My biggest regret
Is the plunge I won’t take.
Because what if the pool is empty?

Calmly laying in a coffin... practicing my speech for when the Devil and I meet.

You said yourself that the world doesn't spin for us
So, darling, why are you looking at me like that?
You're the reason I don't like eye contact.
Never sure if you're judging or wanting me.
And you're coming across as a child.
Didn't your Ma ever tell you it's rude to stare?
Ah, darling, talk to me to sort this out
Because we left this situation so broken.
Are you scared? I am.
Are you ignorant? I know you are.
And... Is that a bead of sweat on your brow?
I suppose -
The only way I'd know is if I was staring at you too.

Don't look at me like that
you know your eyes are venom
they tear and rot my flesh

But I know you never looked at me
it was always through me
like I didn't exist.

It's okay, though
I always enjoyed burning in your stare
constantly alight.

You always saw me, but I was never there
I was never there.

You saw the fire tears falling
from my bloodshot eyes

You know I'm hurt.
What are you going to do about it?

There's no bandages
creams or ointments
that are going stop the pain

There's only you
and you've already walked away.

I have collapsed
Beneath your forceful hand
For the last time.
This is it,
The sun has set on you,
On me,
On us.
It's all curving to an end
Just like your dreams
For our future.
You had too high expectations
For the person you thought I was.
I won't ever be that person.
Soon this will all be over
And I won't have to bruise anymore.
What am I supposed to do
When I'm alone, though?
STOP. Stop everything.
I can't let this end.
I can't be alone in this world.
Don't let the sun go down.
Not now.

Fight the world





                                 For it





For as long




                                                        As possible.

I'd tear everything apart
Just for you.

My heart,
My soul,
My sanity,
My body,
My kingdom.

I'd rip it all to shreads
Just for you.

She's petrified of your lying eyes
& can't you hear the pain behind her cries?
She hates the way you look me in the eye,
& you hide behind one pathetic lie,

Don't look at me like that if you say you love her.

Honestly,
How the **** did we get here?
& How the hell did you fill her with fear?
She's not the same person she was
Before you because,
She lived fearless, but you broke her system
In her head, she should've believed to them
When they said
"Soon after him, you'll be dead."

Stab your hand, right into my chest
and pull out my heart,
it's for you, but i'm too much of a coward
to extract it myself.
When you're done ******* this whole city
I'll let you know i love you
Becasuse I don't think its true,
not just yet.
In this desert I'm suffereing
and tomorrow it will rain,
Tomorrow never comes.
My feet never follwed the wrong crowd.
Sit and bow our silly heads
forgive ourselves for never living
But I really want you to know I love you.

Imagine a world
without fear...
We'd all throw ourselves
off buildings
and cliffs
thinking we could fly.

                                       Imagine a world
                                       without love...
                                       it wouldn't look
                                       much different
                                       to what it is now.

"Hello, Madeline. What have you come to share with me today?"

"Lately, I've been having these dreams, you see, and they've generally been about the same thing."

"Tell me what they're about."

"I'm always falling and hurting myself really bad, or getting lost and he always turns up to save me."

"How long has this been happening?"

"The past two weeks or so. It's quite literally sending me insane."

"Why's that?"

"Well, Doc, this morning, I was just sitting on my bed and suddenly I felt him wrap his arms around me like we'd never fallen apart. Only problem was, was that He wasn't there. It was just me."

"Hmm.."

"So, uh, Doc, can you tell me what's wrong with me?"

"You still love him."

A vile taste, they spat words at you,
They thought nothing but a joke of you,
But I saw it, I saw you for you,
I loved you for they way you'd smile,
The way your hair tangled, and your past,
If only everyone had the eyes of mine,
So they'd see beauty in people's flaws,
If only everyone had the eyes of mine,
They wouldn't have spat at you so violently.

And I swear, I shouldn't have been
The first to see you swing,
I shouldn't have rushed to bring you the chair,
Your spirit wasn't there anymore,
And when I cut you down,
I couldn't inflate your ******* lungs,
Why did I have to be the one?
It's all their fault, they needed to see you like this,
They needed to see the red beauty dripping from your lips.

From that day, May the 5th,
Not once, did your family ever speak ill of you,
Always cried and said they missed your heart,
On that day, May the 5th,
So many lies erupted, that they didn't need dirt to bury you,
In the first place, you shouldn't have been the one to die,
And they should have never told you to take your own life,
Too many times, you'd run away to me,
And I'd see the damage of the words they'd speak.

Come on then!

Draw your swords

Let us fight 'til the death

You can have the last suit of armor

You can have the most sharp sword

You can have the crowd cheering you on

But just let me die first.

You shouldn't think about death,
There's so much ahead of you,
Lips you haven't kissed,
Eyes you haven't met,
Hands you haven't shook,
Lives you haven't touched,
Towns and cities that wait
To feel your feet.
There's so much more.
You don't want to die,
You don't need to.
Your pretty smile needs to stay,
Others depend on it for their own existance.
People need you,
The world needs you.
Please stay.

I’m like a carnival ring toss prize.
Except modified to be easier won.
Claimed, played with, cared for
And then dropped
But with a limb torn off and pocketed.
All before they’ve left the booth.
So I get grabbed by the attendant,
And strung back up to be won and discarded again.
People easily get bored,
I’m already broken,
So why not take a piece?

All you'll




                         Ever be





Is a waste




                                 Of ******* space.

I
Could die tonight,
But who would cry?
Who would mourn if I lost my life in the darkness of night?


I lay sleepless; someone must care, surely?
Then a voice whispers "there's only one way to see."
And my left hand reaches for the gun slowly.
WAIT. There's no one else here to whisper but me.


I'm going insane.

I'll hold your hand
to see you through the fire,

I'll guide your feet
to walk beyond situations; dire,

I'll pave your paths
with no bumps in the road

I'll stay with you forever
'cause all I really wanna do
Is see the ghouls devour you.

A lot of pain lately, a lot of second guessing.
Tossing and turning; picking my skull into tiny little pieces.
You've devised a grand master plan
Of bright lights, excitement and satisfaction of your seemly, as seen through a lovers eye, insane dreams.
But where do I fit into all of this?

She sat on the tiles that night,
sheilding bruised ribs with crossed arms,
aquainting herself with the inside of the bowl,
throwing up all the pain and thoughts.

Something got caught in her throat though,
did you get stuck there?
(was is the coals of the fire
you started inside her?
You let it die, it died out)
maybe she wasn't ready to let that memory go yet,

Coughing, heaving, spluttering, hurting, crying,
but the bathroom was so quiet, tiled walls too protecting,
she kept her silence that night as she died, with memories of you.

I find that ribs aren't broken by force,
The snap comes from initial shock
Of razor sharp silence.
Churning and grinding usually occurs as time rotates past
Like the wheels of a car that you hope to god would hit you.
Eventually, you realise that your ribcage implodes due to heartache
And the hearts desire to destroy itself
Before he, or anyone else, can.
It's a funny game of Russian roulette you play with people.
That one bullet in the revolver...
That one glimpse of a "maybe";
Maybe, maybe this one will be the one to stay.
And as waves pound the shore for forgiveness
You torture yourself with the thought
Of finally letting go of solitude.
Not before the silences consume every brain pulse;
Harder to digest than constant rumbling of crowds.

Let them know you're here-
Create white noise with your voice,
Their ears bleed silence.

I want to break these dice,
There's not chances anymore;
Only the restful slumber of drowning.
I'm not going swimming
But my own ******* heartache is swallowing me
Whole; and I am not whole.
Not now, not anymore.

And you still love me,
You haven't even left
And that's an admirable thing
Because I'm ******* nuts
And I'm thankful.

This distance is forever widening
Giving birth to more space between us
Weakening the strands of a paper thin
Tight rope we situated our love on.
About to snap and you don't feel a thing.
Your love has changed;

Sometimes,
Everyone just needs
Someone to come find them
In the darkness,
wipe away their tears
And pull them from the depths.
A hand to hold,
A smile to save them.
Another heart
To keep their own beating.
Sometimes,
Everyone just needs a light,
A shiny knight.
A lover,
A friend.
Everybody,
Needs love
And help.

Positive thoughts are packaged with depressing discouraging chants in a plastic punnet.
I don’t know how to cope with that...
So to satisfy the thirst of my ever dangling drought of accomplishment,
I jam the thoughts in a blender on top speed.
Wait for the deafening swirl of the blades to stop,
And I lap up the monotonously foul “you are going no where’s”
With the chewy chunks of “you got out of bed, welldone’s”,
Slump back into a rotting pine chair,
And I glide through the emptiness.

I promise you that tomorrow this place will be empty
And the creatures will form here again
Creating a new darkness and they'll wait
They'll bide their time and wait to eat your soul
like fog, their shadows will creep up
and ****** you away from behind
feast, feast they will on our souls
Dizzy breathing and broken clocks
the creatures time is coming
they're coming for us,
be prepared, like fog they'll take us
Oh god! they'll take us
Skies will fall and we'll be drenched in mud
Build a temple of souls, our souls
and it'll be tragically beautiful painted the colours of our pain.

Continuing on like this,
would be wrong and
you would never understand
what its like to fall asleep at strange hours
and wake up violently
with the acid taste
of your name in my screams,
and memories drying cool on my pillow,
to claw at my skin
hoping your name will appear
in a permanent red on my leg,
swing from the ropes
that held you to me
at some stage before the present,
I can no longer hold onto the nights
you held me so tight
that I hoped I'd melt into your skin
becoming you so that you'd never leave
and your hands,
oh your hands, your hands, your hands,
I swore they would never go fragile
and your hands, your hands would hold me forever.

The mirror has never
ever really been a friend of mine.
It twists and distorts my body
in ways unimaginable
even to horror movie directors.
showing the ghosts
slipping into my body
between these pale lips.
Swirls of black
and blood red
pulsate in the background.
What the mirror does to me
is evil, and i wonder
if it's ever met the devil
or is the devil me?

I flew into the storm
embracing fear
as the first lightning
struck the trees below.
fire broke out
and the rain fought it.
I was
drenched in fear
water
and electricity.
It was so beautiful
standing in the eye of the storm
considering if
marrying myself to nature
is a weird
and unacceptable movement.

Right now, though nothing is wrong,
I feel as though everything is broken
and continues to break.

There is a constant war,
Between my heart, mind and soul,
Three usual allies,
That have now turned their backs.

At the current point in time,
Words, poetry and I,
No longer have that connection, or love,
We used to share.

It tears me apart,
To even think what I am about to write,
But I truely feel as though,
I am no longer able to write,
Or create art.

I will never abandon this site,
Nor will I ever discard poetry,
It will always have my heart.

Poetry is not a game,
It's an art, a love of words,
But I can no longer compete.

...I've been dying to know









                                               What's it like to love?

We only sing the sad songs
and become too tongue tied to speak
our names so the thoughts fall from greater heights
as we fly too close to the sun,
absolutely in love,
with our feet firmly on the ground.

A town like this, with two of us stuck,
has nothing to offer in the ways of you and i,
I swear we'll be leaving soon
and the candles inside us will reignite
and shine
we'll be the brightest one day,
we'll be the brightest you'll see.

Take every memory,
and lock it under stolen breaths
so they won't know, so they won't know a thing
about the deaths
of our souls,
together we won't hurt anymore
but the memories must be forgotten
before they see and know
that there is nothing they can do
nothing they can do to save us.

We will love until forever
or until or heads stop spinning,
our heads are like the earth
they spin for eternity,
we will be infinite
though, we are already dead
in each others arms.

I think that's why therapy scares everyone;
No one likes realizing that they're ****** up.
And therapy is just raw truth being fired at you like cannon *****.
Raw truth hurts, but sometimes, it can save you and your soul.

Yes,

       They

T-to-took

                 Her-

S-s-s-*******

                       All

Be-b-b-beauty-ty

                            From

H-h...h­er

                                     *Wrists

The sun folds into the moon and dances new light on forgotten grounds, these grounds grow and tend to hearts like yours; rare and beautiful. I'd say it's a garden but it's not really, you are a swimming pool and I'd happily drown amongst your stars... I already have.

I grew up too quickly
into a world that was never going to guide me.
My mother instincts revealed themselves too soon
Sadly, they'll never be used. ( i hope)
I fell down too hard
Onto a world drowned in cold concrete.

Maybe I’m just empty space...
Crawling... dissipating.
Sinking into this nameless,
Faceless, loveless,
Human afterthought.

You and I.
You. And I am damaged.
I’ll rip myself apart and scrape the dust together,
Maybe I’ll build myself from the ashes...
Or maybe the wind will tear through this canyon again.
I live in a depth you don’t want to understand.
You and I.
You.
You don’t say you love me anymore.