Heart throb garbage disposal
Eat your heart out proposal
Moon shifting
Atoms


Period ***



Regret is my demons greatest weapon

I don't understand simplicity or the beauty in it. It's hallow & holds nothing worth keeping. It is a book on a shelf, the first hole on a belt. A guitar with no sound. I don't want to look at life, I'd like to live it. & if the road I have to take is bumpy & jagged. I'll sure as hell ride a office chair tied to a crate full of aligators. Snapping & gnashing their teeth. if we fall into the freezer, for a deep sleep I hope my body is torn to shreds, my heart to a pulp, my mind a wasteland. Dried up in a draught, I'll give you all this wisdom. If you're fed up with simplicity.

slumber

You could paint the grief from your heart, on your forehead. And people would suddenly close their eyes, and tell you to pull your cap down, a little lower.

Holly Hockin berry, died in her sleep.
She counted sheep, one got under her sheets.
It was baaaaaaaaaaaa(d)

There's a first time, for every last time

Inhaling, feels like perfume in my lungs.

I litteraly feel like I make choices, just so my brain can tear me apart. Piece by piece. Until I'm disgusted with the choices I've made. These feelings don't last just a couple nights, they last months, years. Sending me swirling back into self pity. I stop eating, stop smiling, stop listening to music, stop laughing, and stop writing. Till I'm no longer me, just a shallow shell of who I use to be. I find no enjoyment, just distaste for my own life. I'm such a mistake, that all I can do is make more.

I found God in the rafters of my third apartment that year, as a kid would only think.
To think nothing of everything, fall asleep each night. Glittering swords that spin & white horses predestined. I found God in the top bunk in our three bedroom rancher. Only ten, with a knife in hand. Ready to go back on what we had planned. Scriptures do no good, when you can barely see through the tears, running into your ear drums. Loud as the screaming on the other side of the door. as my sweet savior, wrapped his arms around me. I breathed in tranquility. A sigh of protection. Father I need you now. I'm losing my footing on the comfort that I will not make it anywhere. The bruises on my back, means tee shirts this summer. I'm not ready to face the world. With the wounded eyes of a child, ten years old.

I woke up drunk into the afternoon, heard the earths heart beat, listened to it swoon. Thought it a fool, for falling for the moon. But here I am, loving you.

You are so beautiful to me, me.

One day I'll have a dad, as great as you pretend to be.

I want you between the seams of my love.

I don't know how to breath, you make dying so easy.

In your presence, I wanna thrive.
Like bees amongst the flowers.
I want to soak in your love like a fish to water.
I want to sing to you my king, can you hear me?
I'll lay here, in your presence lord, and tell you how much I love you, no matter how badly im scared. Lord, this isn't a poem or a prayer. I just love you. I just love you. You filled this void.

Have you ever made love to Atlas? I ****** him so many times the earth fell from his shoulders and landed on his back.

And if you lay at my back it’s hard to breathe. Two spines don’t equal out eloquently.
There’s mountains between us, and craters catered to the absence of the words the wind wished you’d say.

Modesty found its home, on the laced lined undercoat. Her ******* heaving with each breath, a sigh of relief her secret safe with herself & the men she showed. All the roserry beads between your ******* can't be counted enough to wash away your sins. So she weeps in the streets, because even the church won't take her in. And if I'm right, correct me if I'm wrong. It was jesus, who dined with prostitutes.
CAST the first stone. HE SON OF GOD, called religious people ******. Church is suppose to be a home for the broken. Not a gallerary for the great. So think about the nun, who's dead.

I'll yawn softly, roll over to the next couple states & fall back asleep curling my toes, as your scent hits my nose. My face buried in your back.

.

How many times do you have to say no for it to be considered ****? 1,2,3,4? Or only until after you’ve lost your voice?

You're just a ghost, you're words are a ghost.
If I find you, you'll be a ghost.
Sitting on the curb in the suburbs of Iowa,
A ghost,
They'll toss trash past your head to the can,
But I'll know all the secrets they bled from your,
Hands,
I'll never hold them again,
I'll read through old messages,
And wonder why it had to be you,
If you're looking over my shoulder with your ghost eyes, know I never stopped loving you.

It won't matter how badly, you want to die.
How the cries just echo back.
they love you
The lies.

So you sit and you wish,
You could be bigger than the light that's,
Diminshing in your eyes,
You try to hold back,
The puke that,
You know is gonna come up anyway.

Tears well, like the welts on your skin,
Screaming unloved,
Into the oblivion,
Where is God,
It's time to show your glory.

Gory, back drops of blood stained tees,
Your ribs heaving,
Knowing that you'll die alone.


And why did you forsake me,
Why the rules,
Why the ridicule,
Why the hurt,
Slander,
And abuse,

How alone you are, your absence is a noose.
So real against my neck,
Cough, up blood.

I want to hide myself, in a forever fall.

Oh negative, why won't you be positive!

For those in plastic houses,
Clear and Empty always cracking,
Lacking the passion of a true home,
Captivating the emptiness,
Suit and tie life just ain't for me,
The snow so cold by itself,
But build a home in the misery,
It'll keep you nice and warm,
Shelter you from the sun,
I keep my thoughts in my igloo walls,
I decorate my walls,
With all my problematic things,
Home, home, home

IM SO DONE, I'm SICK AND TIRED.
YOU SAY YOUR GOD LOVES YOU
I HOPE HE DOESNT LOVE ME
BECAUSE IM NOT HORRIBLE LIKE YOU,
ILL PACK MY THINGS AND GO
BECAUSE I WILL NEVER LOOK YOU IN THE FACE, YOULL NEVER BE A FATHER FIGURE ONLY A FIGURE WRAPPED IN HIS ANGER.
I WONT FORGET THE HORRIBLE THINGS you've done.
I won't forgive you.
Ever.
Not in life,
Not in death,
MY HEART HASNT STOPPED BEATING OUT OF MY ALREADY BROKEN CHEST,
YOURE SO SICK YOURE SO SICK.
I HOPE YOU LOVE THE VIEW OF MY BACK.
ICANNOTSTANDYOU I HATE YOU MORE THAN THE WORDS IVE CARVED ON MY BODY.
THE AFFECT YOUVE PUT ON ME IS LIFE LONG.
MEN WILL NEVER BE TRUSTED IN MY EYES.
THE LAST THING YOU SAID TO ME WAS GOOD LUCK FINISHING THAT. AS YOU TORE MY PAINTING IN TWO. YOURE LOVELESS. Disgrace. I'm going away, I'm going away.

Manila envelopes, pouring out Gods gold into the hands of a child. Where she sprinkles it, the world will never know. But I'll sneeze, and sometimes my face glows.

Making love to rhythms & chords. Hallowed out heavens, between my shaking finger tips. Gentle chattering, strumming. As the next verse comes around.

Eye sockets full of empty grasping hands. Penniless teletext marketers twinkling down bangers the lost boys cry. Be okay. Juicy covers, labeled lets do this again.

I met some bad bad friends,
But we have great fun,
No regrets,
I can't remember the rest,
I started smoking,
I started drinking,
The LSD kicked in,
I met some bad bad friends

It's pretty pathetic to feel so uncomfortable, in your own body. It's not poetic anymore, just tiring.

Haha bye college

The sound of the filtered water, falling into the tank. Sends my heart into over drive. A unwanted alarm clock, panic attack poised over nothingness. I feel like a fool once I realize, it's not an ocean, lake or stream just a little tank that will never turn green. Algae free, my worse nightmare.

Your words, slosh around an old bird bath. The paint chipping underneath the water. That's not very healthy, for my fine feathered companions.

no amount of writing takes away this emptiness anymore

I'm so hungry, but the walk is far, and the judgments will be loud. You get use to it.

I hope I break my neck, on the way down from the back steps of your ego.

Turn on me, turn on me, turn on me,
The veins in the corner of your eyes,
They do a dance, & angry dance,
I watch the colorful orbs,
Surrounded by white,
Exhale & inhale,
Anger.

A shout into O                V  I
                            B   L  I           O N
A rush of wind, no time to flinch,
Busted lips,
I'm sorry.

Fall for my one liners.

I just want to want to want to be alive. But I don’t have any wishes left.

What puts me to sleep is the sound of a DVD player I never remember to turn off.

Who closed the door, on the ark.

I'll end up like Noah an old naked drunk

Moving today, packing your things. A couple states away, hometown. You said, when I get my phone back I'll delete your number first, I can't have anyone from my old life in my future. And I know it's going to hurt. Eight years of amazing friendship. We have such an amazing past, I don't understand, why can't we make this last?. Its going to be a fresh start, I hope you know. You know.

I'll always remember that day in the city, when your sleeve slid, up what was under wasn't pretty. A bunch of slashes and scars that screamed out MY PARENTS DONT LOVE ME. But I loved you so much that day, because we matched. I knew something about you, that you didn't know I knew. Something so personal, right down to the core. All of your flaws, I loved you more. I got another instant message, a couple months later. With, a got to tell you something across the screen. You told me all your problems, and where they all layed. In a perfect little latter. Across your pale skin displayed. I told you about how I knew, and how mine were just like yours. A friendship build on battle wounds. Who knew mine were like yours. I sit here & think here. Recovery time, will be eternal eight years of friendship. All gone, in one instant message.

Am I suppose to be sad

I look for poetry & God in everything

The world laughs, when I said "I hate guys",
Like a bold lettered joke,
A misspoken abbreviation of life,
I'm serious,

You cannot resist her, she's in your bones,
Her lips, the voice in her tones,
They way her breast press against your chest,
Her thighs, train your eyes on her,
They way the muscles flex under the skin,
She radiates ***, love and mystery,
She brings passion to the table,
Never bluffing always able,
You want her you crave her,
She's fire to your iron.
Sharpen yourself

The life flew from your eyes,
Your secrets leaked from your brain,
Clean up on isle 4,
Who knew you'd be dead walking back,
Out the door,
Dead,
Predictable,
Lightning shook through,
As your body pulsed,
Concrete coffin,
At least the floor was swept,
I watched a man die tonight.

You don't half *** guitar,
Me and Bob Dylan, like a holy rolling stone,
You've gone too far,
It's not about the strings,
The C Major or D flat,
It's the character in the music,
All the things you lack,
Have you ever wept with a guitar,
And felt it tremble under your touch,
The last time I played was after being molested,
I didn't want to use it as a crutch,
Make it feel ***** & cheap,
Like me.