I screamed out, "God I love you!"
But I need a father,
I didn't mean to let you down,

" man what's with poets & acid?" I Ask myself as I put another tab on my tongue.

Tommorow I won't wake up happy or well manufactured, things came crashing in.
I'll stare at the sky like a ballroom ceiling, ballroom ceiling. That's where I left you, my angel in disguise. Negative anatomy, childish at heart.

I will pack up myself, into the card board box I started out in. I will roll away my emotions. Ship off my words, and say farewell to myself. P.S If I don't wake up tomorrow, you can keep my 7.96 cents & all of my Harry potter movies.

Carpet burned knees
Puking next to the trees
Paying the fee
For feminity

the hurt, hurts so well

I want silk sheets
wrapped around my body,
Feel the cool wet sand beneath me
Hear the lulling waves,
As the moon crys out to the tide,
Come back, come back, come back
Close my eyes and maybe not wake up

Grief is fear and fear is love tapped out the excess and call it absence. My throat closes up, I like to be choked but I have no daddy.

I keep everything bottled up, like the alcohol. I kept bottled up until the perfect occasion. words are like wax, the way they soothe your skin. Just to be ripped off. Beauty hurts, and my brain is like the junk drawr your mom says is pointless. I've got more than one, some have nick nacks. Others have yellowed pages with an 8 year olds signature. 47 questions to a dad she'll never meet. My mom found them and asked if I stll need these. I shrugged it off, but later that day she found me in a pile of trash gripping those wrinkled pages. Because if I let go of the grief who am I? I eat mini kit kats, and get drunk with people I don't know. To pass the time. I watch strangers in the streets, know me more intimstely than I ill ever let a boy. My mom asked me what the matter, the world shook into a great perhaps. I look away, running my finger down the cracks in the pavement. My dad never wanted me. She said, oh please. Huffed away. But what she doesn't understand. Is that she understands perfectly. But selfishly she puts it behind her. Because the men she chose to put in her daughters life, didn't belong there. In this spectrum. And everything was built up on pity & rebellion. Emotionally & physically abused since 02. I crushed that sea shell dad, the one I got from the sea. I guess it got bad connection. Maybe you never could hear from me...

Dad...I need you.
I don't know what to expect from men.
Dad...I want you to be proud of me.
I wish you would to tell me I'm beautiful.
Dad...my heart is broken.
I want a father.

Talking to God falls heavy on my lips,
Because I'll never seen Him as more than a bestfriend. I see myself, forever shaken. That sick feeling in my stomach, knowing I'm bending till im about to break.

I don't want to be scared of love.

I ordered my cap and gown today,
Time flies by,
When you don't have a dad to tell you to slow....down.

Depression man, she’ll get ya if ya let her

Oh hello, oh hello. Brown bat, trap cat. Needle, consumption. Broken home, habits come to be redone by sons & daughters of guiltless mothers & fathers. We breath a sigh of relief because, that's not our kids. Street signs, bicycle rides. Not Ferris wheels. Blacks, against whites, gays & their rights. The only problem use to be if you are fat. But we lay that down, on the old tracks. The ones America doesn't use anymore. Instead we scroll through life, with a fingers & thumbs. Scaling stocks & bonds. We follow leaders with humor while the nation needs lead by leaders with the process of brains that we are only human. Not machine, just a man with a gun. A home, away from home. What if we just stopped. Consuming consumers.

forks are knives in disguise, slitting your wrist with each bite.

Living on the edge with so many stipulations, suffocating

Initiation of life, I skipped it twice,
To drink from the fullest cup,
By myself so I don't know what I'm good at,
I know I'm good for,
Don't be a sell out,
Cause they'll just sell you out,
For replaceable,
Tactile they wave the reward above your,
head,
Standing in fresh concrete,
Covered in grass,
To mask the fact,
That im sinking,
It's okay to be a mess,
But it's not okay to fall apart,
Give me that glue stick and the scissors,
It's going down tonight.

I've held the hands of the homeless,
I've hugged the daughters of the motherless,
I've spoken to the deaf,
I could never be satisfied with a nine to five,
This is my life

I've spent the last 8 weeks studying Taoism, trying to find the art in letting go. But I can't and the pains pant, inside. Because at the end of the day, you're just black lines, carried across a blank page.

As you crinkle up your nose, the soft spot between your eyes crinkle up. My lips wrap around the last Tylenol Pm. The words, " I don't think you have depression." Tumble from your mouth.


I pack up back into myself. You speak, "therapy won't make your home life any better". I cradle my emotions,

The three dots at the end of your sentences...
Unspoken, "I love you's"
They never get old...

I hope it makes you crinkle your forehead in a meaningful glare, when you read my words.

What would a blue bird, say to the limp tulip. If the tulip couldn't stand any longer?
Nothing, blue birds DONT speak to weak limp tulips. They do not notice how she bends way to the grounded. Her petals wilting, nature is death & life. Blue birds & tulips. Cycling through the forest.

Raw tipsy apes, take away freedom with sips of glory. & pockets full of gold. While the mindless childless man lays on the ground. You've got some growing up to do. You've got some growing up to do. The man in the suit & tie or the one with no shoes. I'm not sure. Im not sure.

I’d rather play with my greasy locks, and complain about the residue on my finger tips than to drop my useless limbs into the bathtub

You crack me up she said, as the pavement connected with the alignment of her cheek bones. And everything shatters....the sound of my voice will resonate in the place for eternity. Pull back you light posts, start thinking. Because the cracks in you will, soon connect with the cracks in be cement.

If I could be on the brink, I’d be on the edge of you. ******* down from the high, height. Steepened with deepened strokes.

He said " I hear your cry above the ocean"
And like the ocean his love overcame me,
I sat there weeping,
Praying God set me free,

Plucked the flying feathers from a young bird, to lazy to ask how they work. So she sits broken hearted, madly in love with the boy who named her flightless.

Felt tipped bins, filled with finer finds. All my feelings inside, fall like ash in a hearth. You packaged doubt in a sponge, set it on the shelf. Till an inocent kid, rubbed his brains out. Three parts equally in the basket, everything a vessel. New wine skin, holds old wine just to rot the skin. Be made whole, stop smacking sticks against rocks. Just listen

God loved, us when he didn't need us. That speaks volumes. Words; to flesh. Tongue depressed, no longer. Because my King hung on that cross, & by His stripes we are healed. Made whole, crafted into beauty, not brutality. We were made, with a conscience capable of good & evil. Feed the wolf thaf leads you. You can't blame a God that loves you, forgives you when you hate him. You can only love someone as much as you love God.

Backwards back cracks,
He pulls the straps tighter,
Her hips bleed sonnets from 1978,
A war inside a woman,
An unknown battle to the world,
It starts at such a young age,
No cease fire till you're dead,
Paint your lips red,
Even though your personality is stale,
Because the world stole the word beauty,
And printed on a list of cans & cants,
Her eyes shadowed bright gold,
***** falling out,
Even in the winter cold,
They say she will be loved,
Loved loved loved,
Longing is all she'll ever be.

Someone has to budget in, the cheap love & wine.

the fox ate the butterfly,
And the catipillar smiled,
A leaf for the road.

I knew he wasn’t a poet, a writer, a prophet or lover in the way he never came back.

In
The
**mood

You get exactly what God you think He is.

I hope one day it’s just a memory and not an activity.

Quiet angry words, are always the loudest,
Whispering, *******,
Is like a shout into a black hole,
Billions of light years away,
Echoing back,
Leaving me bresthless,
Łïpš stinging,
I won't have to say sorry,
And you won't see my apology,
In my tear stained eyes,
You won't ever see me at all,
You're two thousand plus miles away,
With your toes in the sand,
A girl laced into your arms,
Of course a cold bottle in the other hand,
Your fingers strangling the neck,
Always flirting with death,
I wish you loved me
Dad

Men have you puking into trash cans,
With the thought of not being good enough, your life is on every back burner. Because sweet heart lets face it, this place is hell you're living in. Each tear is a knife to your face, a knife to the brain. Mental damage, but it's okay because he likes it this way.

Whispered shivers, laughing lingers,
Uncomfortable silence,
I don't even know you,
My favorite bent photograph,
I use to sleep with as a kid,
You with a beer ****,
Under my pillow broken shells,
So maybe I could reach you from the sea.

I can hear the whispers,
Leaving the sinking sunkin feeling,
Like my heart is a pit,
My favorite position,
Chriscrossed hands on my ankles,
Book in my lap,
Turning in on myself,
Like a well phrased chorus,
Everyone can see the notes,
But not all could read,
I'm not sad nor bitter,
I'm a bird in a cage full of trees,
A fish on a leash,
Going no where, don't follow me.

If you say the word "fair" you're going back to belief.

Scorn me, scorch me, sink your suckling teeth into me. But don’t you ever ******* say you love me.

My hands smell like smoke,
But I haven't used a ciggerate in three years,
My breathe smells like liquor,
But I haven't drank in ages,
Maybe I'm dreaming,
Maybe I'm dead,
Is this hell? Inside my head,
Maybe the LSD finally kicked in

Don't be a loser, don't be a loser dad.

There's a crack in my cup, and your words runeth over

Taking dead peoples things use to freak me out, until I wanted to be surrounded by everything that you were.

I could just go, like an unanswered wish in the wind. Swept up in the dirt to grow again.

Why do cuss words come out,
Unrighteously in pain,
Our brain,
Triggering the thoughts...or emotions.
Dislocating your leg, chapped lips
broken heart.
Dead Sea ****** mask,
Keep the positive vibes flowing,
Over this cup I refuse to drink of,
This sorrow that holds on so strongly,
I'm an ant at a picnic of life,
Wasn't invited, wasn't invited, wasn't invited.

We collect things, for ****** adornment. Stash decohedrens inside a young childs brain. Expecting them to know the way out.
Nothing is as perfect as the final
Shot.
Exhale the photo copied cursed
Resurrection
This is our generation