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I was that girl
a girl no one wanted
no one ever asked on a date
or was invited ever invited to the party

But I never minded
I kept to myself
never trying to fit in
because I knew I never would

I lived in my own little world
I didn't care what others thought
I was who I was and that was it
Until one day

Suddenly everything changed,
when he walked in.
It takes two to make a couple.
What do I have?
A single? I have two singles so doesn't that make a double.
A daddy and a mommy, that's what I'm ment to have right?
But what happens when we walk out on daddy?

We got out of there so fast some people thought we were waiting for the right minute or right second.
We go out of there so fast she forgot to leave his last name.
She still wears it to this day.

Some people might think its right or its dead wrong.
I think it's black and white.

His heart was in the mountains, hers was in the hospital chained up to all the machines.
He broke free but we're the ones who left.

His heart is still on the mountain and hers is in her chest.

Dad had to be mom but mom couldn't be dad, he was nowhere to be lost and nowhere to be found.

They used to yell like it was the law, or maybe they liked the sound of their own voices a little too much.
He never laid a finger on her, I think she was waiting for him to.
She was waiting for that right minute or second.

Some people thought he might.
I knew he wouldn't just like black from white.

Bless that childhood.
Bless that house.
Bless not being able to remember.

Remembering is one thing while reliving is another. Everyday you've gotta relive it.  

No one will understand why my dad's eyes look like the hospital lights.
I think it's cuz he used to look at the dead tile waiting for mom.
They just got stuck in his eyes.

Maybe it's the moon, it shines bright enough.
He can see the moon perfectly from his mountain.
His hearts there.  
I know it ain't here.

When we left I dropped my heart on the mountain. We left so fast I didn't know what to do.
My heart didn't know nothing.
Not even black from white.
Its sorta grey.

The last thing my dad saw was my braid swinging from left to right.
My daddy could braid just as perfect as black and white.
One of my first poems
Love you dad
 Aug 2014 Madame Eleanor
calion
I can't stop thinking about you. I look in your direction and it physically pains me.
2. I burned poetry about you and her, the fact that I regard you the same way as her scares me. Something has changed.
3. I burn poetry as means of destroying myself.
4. Only I can destroy myself that way.
5. I miss you but I can't. Not today.
6. I'm gonna throw up because water has filled my lungs. Water has filled the space you used to.
7. Blood courses through and sometimes I wish it flowed out but *******. You made me stop.
8. Worthless. You told me I was not and now, that's how you make me feel.
 Aug 2014 Madame Eleanor
rufus
tonight i kept on asking myself
why did i worry so much
why do i even care
it should not be like this
it should not be this hard
this is high school
this is love
and this is a game for fools

everything ends
when high school ends

i want to compare
i want to undo
i want to rewind
i want to stop
but
how do i compare
how do i undo
how do i rewind
how do i stop

when i am
deeply
madly
truly
crazily and
clumsily
falling in love with you

i bid these worries goodnight
it should not hurt if you say goodbye,
because of all the pain i have been through,
they should not be different from you

everything ends
when high school ends.
how will i know when is the right time to do those things?
Every day
is another day
to get killed
or change the world
 Aug 2014 Madame Eleanor
calion
I love thunderstorms.
I love the rain, the wind, the cold, and the lightning.
But I hate the thunder.
Boisterous. (It goes through the air like a thousand trash cans being hit.)
Heavy. (It hangs around, and as the sky gets darker it gets louder.)
Arrogant. (It interrupts conversations and plans and gets in the way and assumes it's welcome and perfect.)

Junior year was a thunderstorm.
I had rain (like the times I actually got invited to things) and wind (like the times I swore I felt her holding me) and cold (hide-and-go-seek in the school) and lightning (spinning flag in the hallway).

But I also had thunder.
Thunder. (You pulling me with you.)
Thunder. (You giving me encouragement.)
Thunder. (You asking her to prom.)
Thunder. (You avoiding me.)

Because no storm is complete without thunder.
 Aug 2014 Madame Eleanor
calion
its getting harder
to even breathe
without you.
without air.
this is one of those poems I don't think I like.
Looking in the mirror today
And my sunken dreadful eyes
Now were beaming with light and grace
The strange feeling of not being alone hit me out of nowhere
And now I am completely safe
The demons I saw
They turned into angels
And even on the coldest nights
I feel warmth
I was locked in a cage of hatred and lust
Now I am set free able to fly
Even with my damaged wings
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