I have this really bad habit of not getting angry.
I don't allow myself to.
I shut down all human emotions.
Like when a friend treats me like a backup plan, a just-in-case friend,
I just shut down.
I begin yelling at myself in the mirror, imagining that it's my friend I'm looking at and not me and really if they were here there'd be no problem,
but before I get done with the first sentence,
I stop.
Breathe.
Feel nothing again.
Maybe it's because I think so little of myself.
Even expressing negative reactions toward a friend makes me less of a person and a super ****** friend.
Maybe, I've always lined up with my friend's favorite person in believing
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
Because if they try,
I get back at them by not feeling at all.

this is my fourth day 10.
my fourth recovery run.
but this time, it'll work.
I know it will work.

Blind are the eyes
That stare deep into their own reflection

Dead is the mind
That worships thoughts of its own creation

Even the angels are made for more.
Humanity is frailty we mustn't ignore.

You know I fell in
love
with you Once.
But I was A little bit
Too Late,
Because You fell in love with
Yourself
First.

He does not think before he speaks
Wounding all with words he meets
A trail of destruction left behind
Oblivious of his dysfunctional mind

Never wrong he's always right
Insecurity is his plight
An enemy to himself within
Everything always about him

No middle ground
No compromise
He'll twist the truth
With articulate lies

His ego grandiose
As he stands tall
His aim to watch you
Retreat and fall
Emotionally void
From the human race
Defiance etched upon his face

Your life now fraught with  pain and worry
As he does never intend to say
I'm sorry

Mirrors telling lies    makeup
         Painting illusions,
                   Stains
                      On
                     Lips
Making caricatures from my face, a
Character in its place, playing
Narcissist    every    day.
If I love me they will come,
If I love me they will stay.
This part masks insecurity,
If I say I love me, won't they?

As she sits and awaits her faith,
She knows she's the bait.

Screaming and shouting, she tries not to breathe at all.

She tiptoes out to the hall. The creak of the floor sends him up the wall.

He lashes out. Aggressively throwing his body weight at her.

But she feels weightless, she's gone to a different place.

She thinks of the earlier stages when they were at younger ages. Before she felt like she was trapped in small cages.  

She thinks of the times when he was no crime and always had a beautiful smile.

But she knows it's too late...

Her times up.

She quietly whimpers as she drops to the floor and whispers, "you'll do this no more".