there once was a young girl with green eyes
who wore her soft blond hair
in braided pigtails

at the age of seven,
she watched her older sister
stand in front of the mirror before school
and pinch her stomach with a disgusted face
          neither of them ate breakfast that morning

at the age of nine,
she watched her older brother
make fun of a girl with glasses
for reading on the bus
          she went home and hid all her books in the attic

at the age of twelve,
she watched the older girls at school
with straight hair and short skirts
put makeup on in the bathroom
and discuss how boys would only like you
if you looked perfect, like them
          the next day she arrived with red lips, short shorts, and no braided pigtails

at the age of fourteen,
she watched her father hit her mother for the first time
her mother cried when she saw her standing in the doorway
and told her daddy didn't mean it
          the next year, she told herself that her boyfriend didn't mean it, either

at the age of sixteen,
she was paper thin and empty
with straight blond hair, red lips,
purple flesh, and lifeless green eyes
          while staring at her reflection in the bathroom mirror,
          she thought to herself "at least i'm normal."

i never have to trim my nails
because of the anxiety that
has made itself at home
in the pit of my stomach

while tapping my feet,
i watch the clock slowly tick
and the breath in my lungs feels
thick and coated with doubt

but soon,
my time will come
and my eager feet
will carry me to a place where
hope fills my lungs and
i'll breathe with ease

because eventually,
everything is going
to work itself out

everything
will always be okay in the end
if you allow it to be

metal redolent
fingertips decorate my
thighs with beautiful
scarlet stripes; your words
have left a signature that
stings on my delicate flesh

you can either
keep yourself up at night
wondering
          "why me?"
you can hide under your covers
and tell everyone
you're wrong and you'll
never be right

or you can see all this
          heartbreak
          pain
          conflict
          imperfection
as an opportunity
to emerge from the concealed depths
to the gleaming luminescence
and become stronger

it is your choice to decide
whether to drown in your troubles
or to courageously survive

because the harder the struggle
the more spirited you become in the end
         "the deeper the mud
         the more beautiful the lotus blooms"

thank you
for introducing me
to good music

whenever i listen
to ernest greene
i think of you
and it's not sad,
it's not me missing you
or wishing things
were like they used to be

the thoughts
that are attached
to those songs
are happy
because i'm happy
i met you
even if now
we only speak
from time to time

you'll always be
a happy memory
and those are rare
to come by

tonight i miss you
more than usual
because i'm thinking
of all the times we stayed up late
and whispered hello to each other
through the darkness
and i had to stifle my giggles
beneath the covers

eventually we'd both grow tired
and you'd sing me to rest

listening to your voice
while i fell asleep
was the closest i'd ever come to happiness
your melodies echoed through
my dreams and they still bounce
off my walls on nights like these