i've recently come
to the heart-shattering conclusion
that i do not
and never did
love you

i only loved
how you made me feel
on lonely nights

you behaved as if i put
the starts in the sky
the leaves on trees
the petals on roses
the fish in the sea

i loved it when you told me
you'd always be there

you lied when you said
you'd never let go of my hand,
and i lied when i told you
my hand was only made for yours to hold

because here i am,
without you by my side
and i think i'm going to be okay

i think i always knew
you'd eventually let go

i feel trapped inside of my feverish skin
and i wish i could escape it,
because i don't want to be myself today

i don't know why i'm so different,
why i feel so lonely and tired of living

yesterday, i was so happy and hopeful,
inspired and alive
i lit candles and sang along to the radio
and grinned and felt completely intact
but today, i'm in pieces
i feel hollow and meaningless
i don't get why my feelings change so quickly

it's like once i've wrapped my arms
around them, the wind picks them up
and carries them away, leaving me
with a heart full of unfamiliar emotions

i don't understand,
i just wish
i could figure myself out
sometimes

keep your mind
on a tight leash
because if you let
your thoughts wander
they may end up in the clouds
where your hopes
are in the perfect position
to tragically fall

no matter what i do,
i will never be good enough
for you

people tell me not to care,
that i just need to be tough,
but that isn't fair

because how do you stop caring?
it's not like pain
is a switch i can just turn off

you keep hurting me
and i need to learn that
maybe without you, i'm better off

sometimes,
i get this weird sensation
where it feels like
i've known you forever

i miss you
even though
i've never had you
by my side

and i have these
pretend memories
of us together

they all seem so real,
even though
i know they're not

but hopefully
they will be,
one day