Lord,
i pray to You
with a heavy heart
and brittle bones

please let confidence
unfold like flowers
that sprout between my ribs

please take the butterflies
out of my stomach
because they crowd it
and make me sick

please fill my mind with the knowledge
that Your love is stronger than
all of the hate that fills the earth

please inscribe on my flesh
that You have a perfect plan for me,
and with You i can conquer
all of my doubts, all of my worries

please never let me forget
what You have done for me

please hold my hand
while on this wearisome journey
and allow me to find life in You

i think if we pressed our thumbs
on little ink pads
and left our fingerprints
on an unmarked page
side by side
they would look like
a lock and key
the swirls of mine
would fit perfectly in yours
much like i imagine
i would fit
in the comfort
of your
arms

i think the reason
we have such dark, 
worrisome thoughts at night 
is because the empty silence 
found right before sleep 
allows room for anxiety
to creep in and fill the spaces 
between the floorboards 
and peeling wallpaper 
of our bedrooms

that may be why 
when i haven’t spoken to you
in awhile, i forget 
all the good mornings
and five page letters
filled with words
that make my heart melt
like candle wax

i allow doubt to dwell in my soul, 
along with thoughts
like how pitiful it is 
for me to be vacant 
because you’re not here
to occupy my confidence
and reassure me that
time nor interval
will change
how you feel

i didn’t know it was possible
to lay in bed shaking with sorrow
and still be able to genuinely smile
through the silent tears falling down my face

my eyes were finally opened
to what honest-to-goodness love is
when i knew i couldn’t be selfish with you,
because although my bones ache for us to work,
i want to put your heart before mine

it’s difficult coming to the realization
that you’re just a step in the right direction
and not my journey’s end

you’d expect this to hurt
and it does,
i’m still wiping away
the sadness from my eyes

but it’s okay,
the hurting is helping
because i know i grow in pain

there’s no doubt in my mind
that you loved me with your whole heart,
you painted a picture on my soul
that depicts how i deserve to be treated

i’m not bitter
because i know through all of this
i’m coming out better

instead of pursuing the difficult,
yet beautiful bundle of perfection
we once held, you and i chose
to fall apart and plunge into separate depths

although you’ve decided to run north
while i’m patiently waiting in the east
for this torment to run its course,
i know that our love
was real and true and pure

love is selfless and kind,
and whilst i wish i could grab your hand
and beg you to never let me go,
i’m allowing the pain that comes with love lost
to scrape my heart and strengthen my soul

my eyes are set on heavenly things
and captivated by an eternal outlook:
i know i am becoming stronger
so that i may have more endurance
for future suffering

i know you didn’t give up on me
nor did i give up on you,
instead i’m choosing to love you
by letting you go

i have a consuming desire to know everyone

when i peer out the car window
and look upwards to see a plane
leaving a vapor trail across the pink
and purple blended sky,
i can’t help but let my mind bloom
with thoughts of who is up there

i wish i could go through the isles,
sit down next to each passenger
and watch their eyes light up
or become watery, or both,
as they tell me their story

i want to know where they’re going
where they’re coming from
i want to know their favorite moments
what cheers them up on bad days
their thoughts before sleep
what their “one day” dreams are
i want to know what breaks their heart
and what puts a smile on their face

i want to know them inside and out
because i fully believe
that at the core of each individual
there is beauty

some choose to let it radiate outwardly,
some are too afraid to let it shine

so many people don’t know they’re beautiful,
and maybe that’s the reason
i wish i could cross paths with the whole world

i wish i could show everyone
how beautiful
they truly are