i don't know where you get off
i don't know how you feel
do you care
and are just unable to show it?
or are you just keeping me around to toy with?
the thought of you drives me crazy
not with passion
but with anger
i have no affect on you
and that's something that i'm not used to
i need you to tell me to stay
or to go
rather than just push me away
all the while
saying that you care

too many people look like you
in dimly lit rooms
which sends me searching for the light-switch
well
only in the times
when i'm not searching for traces of you
something i can cling on to
until
the need passes
the ache fades
something better comes along
i must say
this isn't an ode to my codependence
i am great at being alone
but
after being wrapped around your finger
for so long
i've begun to miss the warmth

yes
at one point
i had love enough for both of us
i played your part as well as mine
but
that time has passed
what's the point of holding onto someone who won't stay?
but
now
it's different
now
you're kinder
more sentimental
yet you cannot listen
cannot give me what i say i need
cannot pick up the phone
but
i can't let you go
can't let you be with anyone else
can't let you love anyone but me
even if
i've grown unsure
of my love for you

here we are,
strangers
exisiting
in the same city
.
I don't remember
what you felt like
what your smile was like
if you ever made me smile
I only remember
feeling betrayed
feeling angry
feeling lost
I cannot say that I care
because I don't
I think
we loved being in love
but you were far too volatile
which taught me to be
docile
.
I don't
hold many regrets
but
I regret
so much of the time
I wasted on you

I wasn't strong enough to hold both of us upright - and for that I am forever sorry.

Fading away
Ever so slowly
The monotony of life is killing me
I never thought I would live like this
In a city of so many people
I am so lonely
I see groups, couples, friends
EVERYWHERE
while I walk alone
from one job to the next
Waiting for the moment
when someone looks in my eyes
and says
"Come here, where have you been?
I've been waiting for you for so long.
I knew you'd show up eventually.
Don't worry,
you don't have to be alone any longer."