I remember lurching my little body to the edge of the twin bed just in time to ***** on the floor.
I remember sharing a room with my sister.
I remember the feeling of immense pride as I pedaled by Little Mermaid bike across the lawn - finally without training wheels.
I remember my new dog getting sprayed by a skunk before my sixth birthday party.
I remember my dad putting her in a plastic tub full of tomato juice in hopes of washing away the putrid odor.
I remember having tons of friends to invite to birthday parties.
I remember not needing validation from people in order to be happy.
I remember laying in the backseat of the car as the streetlights flew by.
I remember when my sister threw a *** of bubblegum in my hair.
I remember washing the gum out with peanut butter.
I remember chunky copper highlights in my black hair.
I remember the first big fight.
I remember needing to rush my sister out into the rain to avoid all of the yelling.
I remember understanding that separating was the best thing for everybody.
I remember kissing in lemonade stands.
I remember dead-end streets and riding my bike down them.
I remember the walk to my elementary school.
I remember simpler times.

Stop handing out pieces of yourself like you've got anything left to spare.

My feet may be small but in certain shoes they create thunder,
I try to walk lightly.
I feel that I make too much noise as I walk.
I don't want the world to take notice of me.

Sometimes,
I clank my heels against the pavement,
waiting for heads to turn,
waiting for the world to notice me.

I am a bundle of contradictions,
I am the biggest hypocrite that I know.
I give advice that I would never take,
tell people to run when I stand still.

With you my feet are not quiet nor are they loud,
they are shaky.
For the past nineteen years they've done a great job of holding me steady,
but around you they seem to forget how to function.
I forget how to function around you.

I thought I built walls tall enough for only the ones who cared would scale,
but you got in and started swinging.

I was never as infatuated with you as you were with me, for that I am sorry (that is the only apology I will ever owe you). I was fourteen and the earth was shaking underneath my feet, yet you somehow had the gall to try to pull the rug from under me. You were the first person I had seen who could be made unrecognizable by anger.
2. I was younger than you and desperately seeking attention. You used that against me. I still wonder if pitting two friends against each other accomplished whatever it was that you wanted. If I saw you on the street I would not recognize you.
3. The first time I kissed you I felt a hunger that I had never felt before. I could not seem to get enough of you so I called it love, talked about you like you put the sun in the sky. I gave you everything I could and in return you gave me new insecurities, I wonder if you know that. When I look back on the years we spent together I am ashamed of myself. I should have left when I found out that I was not enough for you, but I stayed for a while longer. I'm sorry that you're stuck still, I hope that one day you find your place.
4. You never mattered to me. You tried and failed at making me some sort of outcast. I forgot you existed.
5. You were my friend and we were both drunk. I thought that I loved you but realized I was saying that to spite someone else. I don't think of you, ever. I no longer appreciate the times when you decide to call me and tell me how in love with me you are, please stop wasting both of our time. I am looking for consistency, not something that fizzles out when life gets a little bit busy. I'm still waiting for an apology.
6. You had been on my radar for years before our paths finally crossed and when they did I felt invincible. The first time you kissed me I drove away cheering, I think that was when I put you on a pedestal. I made far too many excuses for the things that you said out of anger, I made far too many excuses for you, period. We are strangers now and I am only now beginning to realize that it is probably a good thing. I still think of you from time to time and wonder if you do the same.
7. I met you telling you about my broken heart, about how I hated to be ignored. You put on your best smile and told me that you would not lie to me. I now know that most everything was a lie. You didn't have to try to hurt me, I had already told you that it would be impossible. I hear you look like **** now (it makes me smile).