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Maddie Lane Jan 2014
I                 had thought different, I
thought    that you were the one that was meant for me
,                I figured that our differences is what made us what we were.
I               should have known what this was, I really
was          certain that this would only make us better, I hate to be
wrong.     I guess in the case that is (was?) our relationship, I was wrong.

                                         I was
                                        caught
                                       off-guard.
Maddie Lane Jan 2014
I'm not good with my words,
or my abundance of feelings.
But I do know when I feel something,
and I've never felt anything like what I feel with you,
when I'm hiding from the world inside your arms.

Disappointment hits my like a brick,
I don't know how to do this.
Being alone is not something I'm good at,
something I've never been good at.

Thoughts crowd my mind like bodies crowd the chaos that is Times Square.
I want nothing more than to fall back into the comfort that I once knew,
that comfort that no longer exists.

Where are you now?
And I'm so sorry.
I cannot think of anything besides borrowed lyrics to describe how I feel.
I cannot think of words to think the betrayal that I feel,
this year has been rather tumultuous,
and I thought you'd be there to catch me when I fell.

I'm falling.

Where did you go?
Maddie Lane Jan 2014
I need a place to cram my memories.
Someplace safe, nothing permanent, but maybe permanent.
I need to change my hair and get a hobby and some new friends and do something interesting.
I need to be interesting.
I need to feel wanted, not worthless.
Maddie Lane Jan 2014
There's not much to say anymore, besides how I feel:
embarrassed
ashamed
disgusted
hurt
confused
did I say hurt already?
Maddie Lane Dec 2013
Beauty doesn't matter if you're shallow and selfish.
With no depth to your personality it's no wonder you have a difficult time making good friends.
If you surround yourself with **** you will start to smell,
you become one of them.

We can poke fun at me all we want because yes,
I don't have many friends,
but at least I have friends that would never abandon me.

Blood is thicker than water but I feel no connection to you anymore.
Your abuse towards me is unforgivable (especially since you've never directly apologized to me)
I will never forget the things that you said,
I would have expected them from someone (you know exactly who),
but never from you.

It's sad to say but it's a firm decision:
I am done with you,
I feel no remorse about this.

Cutting people off is a common occurrence in our family.
So this was unavoidable,
I wish it wasn't so soon,
I wish you'd realize the err of your ways,
I wish you'd stop being such a sociopath.


Goodbye.
Maddie Lane Dec 2013
tell me I'm too depressed.
That it's better to go out than to see me.
Your judgements hurt,
I feel like Jennifer Lawrence in Silver Linings Playbook,
"I opened up to you, and you judged me."
I thought you hurt me before,
but your insensitive judgements stung worse than anything else.
I can't believe you judged me,
even worse I can't believe you said that to me.
If I ever judged you,
I kept it to myself.
I never wanted to break you,
I guess we're different in that way.
Maddie Lane Dec 2013
for the way that I feel.
How my insides feel hollow,
and how my eyes look empty.
I don't know when we went from comfortable to nonexistent.
We both live in the past,
hide in memories from summers long ago,
when we cared the same amount,
wanted each other terribly,
when we were both happy.
Before sadness consumed me,
before this hollow feeling became something other than a visitor.
I need a word for how I ache to hear you say my name,
for how I feel when I say yours,
how I need to resist myself from telling stories about you.
There's no word for the way I feel,
maybe a combination of words could try to do it justice.
I need a word for how I feel,
I need you to say the words to tell me how you feel.
I'm lost.
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