I don't know what to call it.
I've never had a shortage of feelings.
Anger runs rapid in my brain, continues on until it hits a wall,
and gives up.
Sadness lurks behind every corner,
waiting to make an appearance in my day,
waiting to see what it can do to me.
Happiness attempts to be prevalent,
it shines its pretty face,
tries to fight of the others.
It's a whirlwind of feelings in my mind.
I'm sorry,
I can't help it,
I don't know what to say anymore.
There is no excuse,
but I was never taught how to fight off all the feelings.

What is love?
Why are we so quick to define?
Love takes time.
Like a plant,
it needs sunlight and water,
needs to be cared for a nurtured.
I've been saying it's love for a long time,
when is it strong enough to be defined?

It was a test,
I wasn't sure if we would pass.
Roles reversed,
I thought I would be the bad guy,
call it quits after all we've made it through.
That's not the case.
I just want you here with me,
I want you by my side,
on these busy streets,
of the city that never sleeps,
I want you with me in New York.

What happens when you leave?
I've learned the contours of your body so well,
I know them better than my own.
What happens when I leave?
I've learned your volatile emotions better than my own,
what happens if I can no longer handle them?
To leave would be leaving this place I call home,
travel to a foreign country,
get lost for a while.
What happens then?
I have felt lost for so long,
but somehow I found my way to you.
Your embrace is my home,
my sanctuary.
What happens when it ends?

I am submerged,
drowning.
Trying to find the surface,
but it's coated in ice.
I reach my hands up trying to find air - all I feel is ice,
it's relentless,
I will never be free.
Something is always trapping me.