There's a darkness in you,
it bubbles and boils under your skin.
I see it sometimes,
in words spoken in the heat of the moment,
when you set the smoke detector off while cooking us dinner.
It scares and intrigues me,
like an electrical socket to a toddler,
I tell myself it will hurt if get too close,
but I cannot help myself.
I want to see every part of you,
even the angry ones.

I seemed to have lost the map that directed me to you long ago,
I take turns down random streets to try to find you.
I see memories of us laughing as I drive around this town,
trying to find my way into your good graces,
back into your heart.
I don't know what happened or when it did but something changed,
I opened the windows as I flew down the street and the map sailed out the window.
I didn't realize until it was too late.

I am afraid.
Of what I don't know,
of the feelings I haven't felt,
and of the people that I've never met.

I am afraid.
There is evil everywhere.
Kindness is rare.
Even under my rooftop,
mercy is never shown.

I am afraid.
To hurt those who have hurt me.
To protect myself when necessary.
When do you deem an act as self defense?

I am afraid.
I have never lost anyone,
only emotionally, never physically.
Death touches everyone eventually.

I am unafraid.
I seek change as I venture into the unknown.
I plan only the basics of my future,
go into everything open minded,
hope that the right path is led to me.

I am still searching.
I am afraid.
Of finding nothing
and wandering aimlessly.

I don't know where it ends.
I can't picture myself without you,
but I don't know how I can keep you in the picture.
I can't imagine ever calling it quits,
saying the past year was wasted,
saying we never want to see each other again.
I can't imagine life without your house around the corner from mine,
but I know that it will happen soon.
I can't imagine life without you to hold,
but I know forever isn't real,
the end is closer than we think.