A man
Alone
Only comfort in sleep
Because only in sleep
Do the others come back
He dreams their lives
Their loves
Their pain
Their loss
But they aren't real
Only he is
What happens to them when he wakes up?

It's a confusing time when a wandering mind is all that leads you on
And it's a broken world when a once outspoken girl has lost her taste for songs

Then be aggregated and tell me you are
Tell me how the sky swallows  all the stars
Tell me that you hate everything I do
And tell me that you also hate me too
I bet you have millions of stories and worries and things to say
And I will always listen, if listen to I may
And it's okay if you dont want to, I'm sort of a whatever
But I'm here and it suppose we could talk about the weather

**** everything and everyone
The school told me I couldn't start a lumberjack society because it wasn't
"Educational"
So **** them
This Thursday I'm doing it
I'm bring in pancakes and we are wearing flannel and there's nothing they can do to stop us
I just wanted this one thing,
Just one ******* thing
And if it's a stupid club
Where we wear flannel and eat pancakes
Then who are you to ******* stop me
To take this away from me
You can't
When someone needs something, they will do what ever they have to,
I need something,
And now it's this club
So just try and ******* stop me

Silver falls gently on soft green grass
Millions of souls still shining although they are passed
Lighting our way when the world has gone dark
Protecting our spirits and growing our hearts

The sorrow of the stars
Covers all of earth
Wet grass beneath my feet
Reminiscent of the golden birth
Dawn's fingers caress the sky
Her dawdling hands try to justify
Genocide with light, the world adorning
But the tears of the stars always remain
Remind
There's a reason we call it *mourning

I would like to help someone else,
Because then I might finally feel like I mattered

The sun feels nice on my skin through the car windshield
As I sit in the grocery parking lot
And the leaves are that yellow-green and red color,
Still hanging on to the trees
And I am sick as well as alone
But I can see my mother walking towards me
And I know she will come sit beside me
And she will take me home

I'm walking down an empty path,
Breaking in earth as I try to last
The tears, the pain, the broken smiles,
But fear remains, though I've walked for miles,
My head pounds harder and my skin is numb,
The air is frost now, the shadows come,
The ghosts of my past have found me
Old hopes and dreams surround me,
Along with the others I had left for dead,
They wail and they scream and inside my head
The pounding gets louder, it grows and it grows,
And the shadows come closer, there's no where to go,
They're all around me now,
And they've bound me down, how
Did they find me, I thought I was gone,
Why did they bind me, it has been long
Enough for them to forget,
And the pounding gets louder still, and yet,
They are quiet as death,
Empty, staring, watching my breath,
How did they find me alone in this wood?
I guess shadows follow, as follow they should,
For without darkness there can be no light,
But these are too dark, and large in their height,
I can't see past them, to dark I succumb,
They have found me and bound me,
And now I am numb

What the hell is wrong with me
My friend was going to a 1D concert
And as a joke I said we're not friends any more
And she laughed and I laughed,
But why the hell would the immediate thing I jump to, even as a joke,
Be me judging her based on a decision to just go have fun?
Why the hell would I contribute to something like that?
Pleasures shouldn't be "guilty" and what you like and don't like shouldn't be affected by fear of other people's judgment
Just because I don't really like the band,
What the hell made me think I could say that ever, that I was judging someone, someone I really care about,  over something like that?
What the hell?

I want to build things, I want to be someone who brings
New things into existence, someone who has given up all resistance
To denying who they are, so that I can make it far
Enough to find the end and away enough to be a friend
To those to scared to ask

You told me today that yesterday you heard a mockingbird
It was outside on a tree singing its song, so you pulled out your bird whistle -that you keep in your purse for emergencies- and started to sing along
It looked down at you but kept singing and you sang with it for about thirty minutes
And then it flew away
I heard you tell her you can hear the trees, their pleas rang through your ears and cut your heart in two when the forest over yonder was cut through
And you told me to fall in love with something today, anything, you fall in love everyday
A word, a phrase, that bird, but I've been in a haze
Too entranced to notice anything except you

I've always liked being alone,
Usually preferred it,
But you know how you meet someone
And you need to be with them?
Because it's like you've found a half of yourself you didn't even know you were missing until now?
And now that you do know, you feel it
You feel that emptiness
Because being with you,
It's not hard, it doesn't exhaust me,
It's just like when I'm alone,
Except I'm also
Finally
whole

He woke up in a white room
Surrounded by men in white coats
Begging his momma for water
And Robin had to watch through the window
As he cried
Convulsed
And the men said no
She had to watch her son
As the doctors pulled the plug
They say heavens a better place
And I think that's true
And I think he'll be happy,
Eating Mimi's cooking,
Watching his family from up there,
But Robin,
Little bird,
How long will it be until you can fly up to your son?

It's only when
You almost set your house
On fire
But put out the flames
Before they get too
Big
That you realize
"****, I shouldn't have left those paper towels so close to the stove".

If I were ever given the chance
To touch the sky with my unworthy hands,
I would put the stars back in their correct places,
Because night's jewels should be showing all your faces,
For you friends are the truest beauty
I've ever known

I have a great aunt
Wild light grey hair shoots out of her leathery wrinkled scalp
She's in the nursing home she desperately wanted to avoid
And she's been bordering death for years now
But her eyes still light up when I go to her room
And I hear her screech missus baby it's been a while!
And she smiles and she cackles at whatever I say
And grasps my hand
But I'm not the only one who visits her
Her mother does, sisters, more recently her brother
And they've been gone for a while now
And everyone says aunt dolly is crazy
But I think she's just about the sanest person I know

When shadows rule
And harsh winds roar
When men are fools
And black crows soar
That is when you must go
Solitude in light will save your soul,
Know right from wrong,
Not pain and harm
Your sole enemy is conformity

If you could build
A tower
That spiraled
Up
So
High
That it literally
Broke through
The sky
You would, so you could
Put her in the stars

isn't it sad we'll always remember the coyote from roadrunner because of his attempts at violence instead of his extremely realistic tunnel paintings?

Last night I wanted to go walk in the dark,
But the fear of the monsters quickened my heart,
And the promise of maybe kept me inside,
I gave in but giving in gave me no where to hide,
Because it was just as dark as I lay in my bed,
And the shadows grew taller inside my head,
The light in my heart dimmed and I chewed my thumb,
I could not face the dark, so instead I succumbed

My eyes swirl blue and green at the edges, but from far away
They look grey
And all around the dark centers, they are guilded with gold
Just like this world I so desperately want to explore
Just like me

I remember everything,
Stupid jokes, laughing,
Deep conversations and knowing smiles,
I remember,
And you, you who were my best friend, as I was yours, have all but forgotten,
And I'm sorry, I won't expect you to remember me, or think of me again, because you've found something better, something to show you our friendship was insignificant I guess,
But it still hurts, I never thought my own brother, who had earned that title from me with more than blood,
Wouldn't think to save one thought of then,
But what can I expect?
There won't ever be someone to remember little details about me so intimately,
I haven't even had someone to be interested consistantly in spending time with me,
It's not even that I'm always ignored,
I go unthought of,
And I think that's even worse

Darker here,
Erase, needs a highlight,
Round it off a bit,
Erase, more to the right,
Smear a little,
Black here, needs contrast,
Erase a little,
Don't need to go too fast,
Forgot where I put my pencil,
It was behind my ear,
For some random reason,
This feels natural, what's happening here,
Don't need to focus on who I am or why
Just gradients and contrasts, and for once, a happy sigh,
At least there's one thing I can do,
I can see things when they aren't hidden,
One of the only times I'm not so problem-ridden,
This....
This is....nice...

Each soul has a melody
There are words in our mind, on our tongue,
Our hearts all share man's true rhythm,
It's been beating since this world had begun,
And some will ignore
Or ask us what for,
Wonder why we believe in chance,
And they will go,
But even then they will know,
There are songs so that man may dance

I have lost people, people I loved,
They went to better friendships, or to somewhere above,
And I can see why they'd leave me, I mean I'm barely sane,
And what little I had lost a lot another had gained,
I guess I just never thought I'd be alone within,
But I guess how else can I atone for my sins?

I don't know what I want,
I don't know who I am,
And I don't know why I am, for that matter,
I don't know what's going to happen,
Or what should,
But I do know,
Without a doubt,
You deserve to be happy,
And if they don't make you happy, run like hell, because that's the only way you're gonna get out

I'm scared, I'm terrified,
I am emptiness glorified,
I used to remember who I was,
But memories fade as emptiness does
Take over, it's taking everything,
My heart, my soul, now even memory?
My mind has always been all that I had,
Not much room for love when you're inherently sad,
It drives away some, and others don't really care,
Not about me, but I guess fair is fair,
But my mind doesn't matter
Because I'm mad as a hatter,
And it doesn't work all too well,
But I hide behind it, my protective shell,
And now it's cracking, the breaks are nerve wracking,
Because of emptiness's theft,
Because once it's gone, there won't be anything left

This palace
With its
Floors of gold,
Mirrored walls,
And
Ceilings of glass
Allow me to see
Nothing
But
What I care not for,
What I have become,
And where
I still
Need
To
Go

I am an accumulation of everything that's happened to me,
Of every smile anyone gave to me,
Of every hello a stranger said,
Of every person I was and will to be,
Of every night I slept in my mothers bed,
I am not changing, things are just adding on,
I'm growing into knowing I am not wrong,
Sure I'm a mess
But I guess
That's okay

I've always liked hiking
So if it be a mountain, your heart, something cold and desolate,
Something many have tried to climb but have failed
Something I must climb
To get to know you, see whats in your soul
Then I have one question for you
"Have you seen my hiking boots?"

I've started to draw
A self portrait,
But I'm scared to really see
How I perceive myself

It's hard to be the fourth child
I cannot meet all the precedents they have set
And I know that
But I hate the fact that it's true
And I hate that no matter how hard I may try,
I will not be a genius/writer,
I will not be a rebellious artist,
I will never be the perfect student with a musical streak who has never failed at anything in his life,
And all that I will be
Is their little sister
Who tried her hardest,
Who must've had a tendency towards masochism,
Because no one sets themself up for failure that many times in a row on purpose

What is today but the day before tomorrow?
What is living but spending time we have borrowed?
What is a bird but feathered wings and a song?
What is a man but divinity and wrong?

Why is the sky dark at night
And why can't we ever escape our own shadows
Looking in to the silver glass
I can see someone
With brown hair swooping over their right eye
and shoulders perpetually hunched as if they've never been at ease
But then I(they?) blink and they're(I'm?) gone
There are leather cages on my feet
That are supposed to protect them as I go along
But maybe if they weren't there I would learn from any misstep
instead of not feeling anything at all
And I've never liked lamps
Because all you have to do is pull a switch
And then there's light
And it feels false
Because people have to work so hard for any light in their life
And a lot of times it can only last a second before it's gone

Extrapolating from tomorrow
the sun will be in the sky
The birds and the bees
Will do as they please
For they have never asked why
Extrapolating from what's borrowed
We know this world is nigh
But they say we'll be saved
For love and His grace
No matter your faith or your crimes
Extrapolating from what was lost
It will never come back
But diffrent things
Children then wings
Will replace what it is you now lack
Extrapolating from what cost
We have paid for others
We are owed back tenfold
But don't want any gold
Just the love of our brothers

Recently ive only been comfortable sitting in a ball hugging my legs closer to me
i even sleep like that
So Small
And in English class i saw you wanted me to read my writing out loud,
Kept asking anyone else while covertly glancing my way, seeing me shrug my shoulders up, sink into my seat and hide behind my hair,
And i know you were dissapointed in me, and i am so sorry, you're the only one who ever came close to thinking of me, you're the
only one
And im sorry i just can't do it
what if i was wrong or i confused people, or what if they looked at me and listened to what i wrote and then they weren't just looking at me they were seeing and i was wrong?
i know i was wrong, i always am
im sorry
and i know you would tell me i couldn't be wrong, and to face my fears, but at least im facing one,
ive always been facing one,
im so alone, there are people in my life but they don't know me,
i cant tell people and they can't see without my help
So ive been living out one thing that terrifies me my whole life
im completely and utterly alone
But for some reason, i don't think that would make you proud
it would make you sad
For me
And i don't know what to do
Because more than anything i want you to be proud of me,
But i can't show people me
i cant
But i also don't know if i can go on alone much longer

Leaning on a sliver stallion,
staring at the receding sun,
Prepared to face that ghost battalion,
That long ago has left me numb,
Each second seems to stay a year,
But flees for fright my coming fears,
And leaves me in the dark alone,
To watch and wait for what I've known
To come, to take me, they haven't yet,
But everytime I see the hint of a shadow, I'm reminded. They won't forget

Hello up there
i scream
But still can't get your attention
Giants weren't meant to listen to ants
Just step on them i guess
And my tears are too little to drown in
But i am swimming in just one of yours
And i just want to help you
Please let me help you

It's funny, this world we live in,
Where toy dinosaurs are made of real dinosaur's bones,
Where even when others surround us we can feel so alone,
Where we feel we need to cover our souls,
Because somehow lead should be more appealing than gold

i sit upright in front of everyone else
They don't know my innerfights or my mental health
I spend all my hours saying that I'm fine,
But you know what, things have been ******* me, so im sorry that i lie,
It's not exactly simple to end your killing thoughts,
And it's not exactly easy to mend what pain has wrought,
And it's not exactly happy, not having any friends,
And it's not exactly helpful, just wishing it would end,
And it's not exactly working, loving what i can't even understand,
So, yes, i am hurting, and it's getting hard to stand

Years have passed
Since I was cast
Away, to sea

Learning to float
Turn rocks into boats
What we hate to be

And I will drown
I hear sirens in sounds
But still do not see

Trying to find
What's gone from my mind
I have to let free

I know I have people who love me,
But sometimes I feel so alone,
But this wonderful thing happened,
I've been dreaming about it for years now, I've wanted it but I was for a while too scared to chase after it, scared it wouldn't amount to my day dreams,
But it's happening,
I get to make it happen,
It wouldn't seem like such a big deal to anyone else,
Just me being ridiculous,
Like always,
But sometimes you just need something good in your life,
To remind you happiness is possible,
When words cannot,
And I've needed that for a while now, and I got it,
I GOT IT,
And no one else can understand how it makes me feel,
But that's just it,
It makes me feel,
I'm happy!
It's been a while, but I'm happy,
Instead of empty,
For however long this lasts, I'm happy!

Isn't it fun
Finding out your cousin is in the hospital
That you probably won't get to see your only friends
8 hours away
Because you may be attending a funeral
For a guy you grew up with
Who's only twenty
Who may need a heart transplant
Or who may not live long enough to get his name on the list
Who you've always seen every thanksgiving, every Christmas,
Who you played football with and ate fried oysters
And you can't talk to anyone about how you wish you had at least the semblance of normality in your life
Because they'd think you're complaining about the inconvenience of your cousins funeral
Instead of what was really happening
About everything building up
And me not being able to deal with it
And me not being able to sleep at night
And me not being able to talk to anyone
Because I've never made a real friend
And the only people who have to care about me
Are fading out faster than the light in my eyes
And I don't really have much
And he has a whole life
And a girl friend
And real friends
And why couldn't it have been me?

Everyone needs someone
Because I know we all run
And we'll need somewhere to go to
Or not somewhere really, but somewho

I think I understand now,
What you're trying to say, how
You need to save yourself, please friend,
Do so, stay alive, and so will I, I'm not ready for my end,
I will continue, though as we both know,
Everything changes, as if fate intended to throw
Us, cut us down from our feet,
And while we are down, rest your soul, sleep
If that is what you need, but I,
I can't stay, every second spent is paying to writhe
On the bottom in agony,
No, I cannot sleep, there will be no rest for me,
And I don't need you to fix me, I just needed someone who could understand,
No one else can save me, it must be by my own hand,
But know this, remember it when you awaken,
No matter what happens, you are my friend, I know you are, I know I'm not mistaken,
So I will get up, no matter how hard it will be,
Suffering into the truth, I must suffer to find me,
And maybe when you wake up I'll actually have done it,
I won't be alone, and you'll smile and Make me sit
Down and tell you how I did it,
How I found home

It's so strange
Detached-ness
When books are more human than people
And the people you try to be human to push you away
So you just coast, people still like you, just not specifically more than anyone else
And then you realize it's kind of nice
To not be depended on
But I'm going to a play tomorow
With someone who hasn't ever pushed me away
Or brushed me off like an annoying fly
She, and my brother, they really care about me
And that's nice too
To have friends

Cities are built on sand and then taken by the sea
Leaving good men with nowhere to stand, and with nowhere for me
For infanticide is perfectly acceptable at the hands of a god
And humanity is completely perfectable, but only if nothing is wrought,
And the good we do comes from the spirit but evil is all our own
For how could good come from a man who believes this world to be home
This is the faith my mother believes
This is the faith being forced upon me
She rejects my rejection of god's inherent perfection,
Continues injections of god's power, scripture's lessons,
But I still do not understand,
I still can't seem to see,
She speaks of a poisoned world
Of a savior for all of our ******* souls
She says we are sinners in god's angry hands
But is human such a bad thing to be?

I have this pound of clay, but I've never been much of an artist,
And trying to make something beautiful alone, that's the hardest,
My fingers don't work and my eyes are too old,
My hearts forever aching and my soul has been sold,
But maybe a new vision could guide my hands a new way,
As I try to, I used to think manipulate, but you showed me work with my hunk of that clay,
But I've always been scared to ask for your help,
I've always been scared to ask for anything, so I dealed with what I was dealt,
But it doesn't really work, trying to be completely alone,
Because to everyone you're a stranger, and you'll lose what was home,
I think it's time I stopped being a vagabond in my own heart,
So please will you help me? Because I want to make someone, anyone, realize what's always been true, to see this clay as art

A city of the dead in the middle of the living
Reality existing just outside a vision