i run when things get too much
and everything feels this way now
so please
if you love me
don't let me run
i just need to walk
i need to move slower
don't move too fast

i wonder if you ever drank
because you missed me

i know we are not close
we are pretty far apart
but that doesn't mean we can't fall in love
i know you already told me your answer
and i understand completely
but if you are so sincere about wishing you were here
then could you maybe just take a chance on me?

You threw me aside like a child bored of a toy
I would say that it hurts but you did it so much, I'm used to it now
Like someone gets used to their everyday routine
This is my everyday routine, getting hurt by you
You put me down whenever you feel like it and it's not going to happen again
I realized my worth, darling, you can't bring me down anymore

You used to walk me to my bus at the end of every school day
And hug me as we departed, even as friends, even as lovers
But there's something deep inside you that changed
You're so different than how you used to be

So, I'm ignoring you like you did to me
And how lonely you are, darling
Because when I'm laughing and having fun with my other friends
(You know, the ones that don't try to hurt me?)
You just have to join in
And then you pretend like everything is okay
It's not.
Maybe I forgive people too much and that's why you think you have the right to do this to me
But, no, you are not allowed to use me

I was just a back up to you
Someone to hold and have fun with when no one else wanted you
And like the fool I am, I just let you manipulate me
But I know my worth and I know what I deserve
And you guessed it, I don't deserve an ******* like you
I'm worth so much more than this
And honey, just so we're clear, I'm female, you're male
And I'm still more of a man than you'll ever be

No wonder your girlfriend cheated on you
Because you did the same to me
And karma is a *****
You can't hurt me anymore

my hands want to feel your chest
and play with your hair
and memorize your whole being

i feel like i have to hide my sadness away from you
like you won't love the raging storm inside of me
and i want to scream at the top of my lungs
but when i open my mouth, nothing comes out
i'm drowning, but only sometimes
sometimes i feel okay and i'm able to breathe
but other times i just feel like an anchor drifting down into the sea
too heavy to bring itself back up
too burdened to care
it doesn't matter if i'm drowning or above water
there's just no reason for this sadness to be inside me
i'm used to the waves of emotions crashing against the rocky cliff
but there's no storm this time
there's no thunder
there's no lightning
but maybe my heart still has a couple leaks
maybe the water is still rushing into it
maybe i don't have all the things i need to fix it
maybe i'm still broken in places no one can reach
i don't want to be broken anymore
i don't want to be full of debris from the storm
i don't want this
and i don't have a reason for why i'm this way
sometimes the waves just wash over me
until i can no longer breathe

i'm a dreamer
i like to dream of my future
the things i want
the way i want my house to look
the person i would like to love
just everything
lately, i've been dreaming of you
and lately, i've been looking at baby clothes
whenever i get the chance
because it reminds me of the life i want with you
and it reminds me that i can wait for you
and the life i've always wanted

i can't seem to sleep
your touch lingers on my thoughts
you're always on my mind
collecting all the dust
cleaning out all the bad stuff
it's moving day for us
we've been turning this into something good
if that's really the truth, why am i up so long -
my eyelids like weights
my body like quicksand,
stuck in this place called "you" -
thinking about us and how it could all be so wrong
"never date your ex"
isn't that what they say?
i always tell myself that so why can't i stay away?
i'm stuck in this tidal wave
you're pulling me in
pulling me in
i'm afraid i might be pulled under again, you see
i do not want to drown again
not again
not because of you
honey, if you're going to stay, please just stay for good
why tear down my walls again like you're just chopping up wood
with an ax
right where it hurts the most
and the scary thing is, if you left, it probably wouldn't hurt
it's just a battle on repeat
the same wound again, i'm numb
you can't hurt me anymore
so if you're going to hurt me, just do it
that way, i wouldn't have to peek around every corner
wondering if it's the end of us

sometimes i stare at my scars
memories of being hurt
and i regret ever making myself bleed
but other times
i just want to feel the blade tear across my skin
and i want to go so deep
like right now

i sat, leaning against the wall
guitar in hands
my fingers dancing on the strings
i closed my tear-filled eyes
and let my heart take over
i recorded the sound of my broken heart
you may not like the sound of it
but it wasn't meant to sound pretty
it wasn't meant to sound like a perfect thing
it was meant to sound broken
just like me