i loved you more than i loved myself
so when you left
i was completely shattered
and didn't know what to do
or how to keep breathing

i'm afraid of annoying you
because he used to tell me i was annoying
i'm afraid to hear what you have to say about me
because he used to call me names and not the good kind
i'm afraid no one will ever love me
because he used to tell me he hated me
i'm afraid to be with you
because he used to pretend i didn't exist
i'm afraid to get close to you
because he used to flirt with other girls right in front of me
i'm afraid i'm not good enough
because he used to call me fat and called other girls pretty
i'm afraid i'm not really worth it
because he used to tell me he only wanted my body and not all of me
i'm afraid of feeling your touch
because he used to do things to me i didn't want
i'm afraid of loving you
because apparently my love was never enough for him
and what if i can't love you the way you want me to?

how are you?
good
no
i'm not good
i'm terrible
but i can't say that, can i?
so i guess i'll just say i'm okay

i wonder if you still think of me
as i still think of you
we haven't seen each other in a few months
haven't touched each other
haven't looked at each other
haven't talked to each other
i wonder if you remember
any of the unique little things about me
like how i love gas stations
or how i think bumblebees are cute
and how i love the way bruises look
i wonder if you remember the simple things
like my favorite color
or the type of music i like
i sure remember those things about you
maybe i wasn't important or good enough
for you to remember those things
you thought i was weird
but i take that as a compliment
why would i ever want to be with someone
who couldn't handle my weirdness?
we are complete opposites
and yes, it's true
that opposites attract
we saw that from the very beginning
but our relationship was bipolar
a disorder of sorts
at first, we were alright
the magnets inside us were strong
we attracted so well
then we would repel
we had our ups and downs
we would be fine one minute
and fighting the next
it became manic
our love's mental health deteriorated
and the disorder kicked in
in that moment, we were already gone
we would have never survived
the disorder grew
the attractiveness gone
our relationship died
committed suicide
and our love for each other with it

i can already feel your lips against mine
and let me tell you
we will create art every time we touch

i feel disconnected from my own body
i look down
and i know this is my anatomy
it's mine
so why do i feel like it's not?
it's like someone put my thoughts in a different body
and i'm lost
i don't know where i am
where am i?
please find me

i'm a sunflower, a little funny
if i were a rose, maybe you'd want me

i'd kiss every part of you
and leave my mark on the world

i'm sitting here crying after reading your words
no one has ever said something like that to me before
no one has ever cared as much as you do
everyone just always leaves me feeling so blue
i haven't felt beautiful in the longest time
you are so lovely, you make me want to rhyme
and now, because of you, my heart is starting to feel again
and i think i'm finally starting to see some light ahead
i'm sorry this poem isn't the greatest of mine
you deserve something of a heavenly design
but you made me so speechless, i can't even write
and darling, you just made my life a little more bright

i want to try everything that's bad for me
including you