you make me want to stay alive. you make everything alright. and i love you.

you're the most important thing in the world to me.

it means the world to me that a beautiful soul like yours loves a storm like me.

just marry me already, darling.

you were my only reason for living
but then you left
so why am i still living?
why am i not dead?

i will love you even in your darkest moments.

you wear your broken pieces so beautifully.

thank you for loving my mess.

the light that radiates from you draws me in and i can't look away. you are way too beautiful.

i just want to sit at the bottom of that pool
the floor to ceiling windows letting in the sunlight
and i'll watch as the light shimmers on the tile
the waves a kaleidoscope of memories
and it projects in front of me
some are beautiful in a certain kind of way
i'll tell myself that i can breathe
that i'm where i belong
and i'll sit there
in a state of euphoria
in a state of delirium
and float like an astronaut in space
and before i realize it's too late
my lungs stop working
and i'm where i need to be

my love for you will never fade away.

~ july 8, 2018 ~
i just need to focus on all the good things. not my past. that's a bad thing. too many bad things. no more bad things. only positive. i just hope the universe is finally on my side.

i don't want to think
the sad things hurt me too much
this is a cruel world

i'd break my heart into pieces if it meant you would stay whole.

you are the most amazing thing i've ever experienced.

waking up with bruises and wounds
from battling these sleepless nights

if i lost you
i would hurt myself
and that's not just words coming out of my mouth
it's a fact
it's the truth
because there is no me without you
you without me
we are inseparable
soulmates
we are meant to be
and i know you'll never leave
and i'm content knowing that
but there's a lot of people who would try to separate us
and that's what i'm afraid of
of losing you because of them
because no one here wants to see me happy
their only intent is hurting me
no one cares about me here
that's a fact
it's the truth
if they did, why would they leave me so blue?
if they just knew how i felt about you
then maybe they would understand
but no one here wants to listen to my words
they just hear what they need to say instead
i would hurt myself
it's true
because i couldn't survive without you
i don't want to
i would try jumping off buildings
reminding myself of the feeling of falling
i would try splitting open my veins
to try to see that my blood's still running
circulating for you
i would try swallowing pills
to fill the hole inside me
to try to feel something else
than the agonizing pain of being without you
i would try holding handguns to my heart
wondering if i have that courage to keep waiting
wondering if i have the courage not to do something stupid
i would try drowning in water
to remind myself of the way my chest burst with love
i would try tying ropes around my neck
to remind myself of the way that we are tied together
i would hurt myself to remind me of you
i cannot survive without you
and we all know it's a well-known fact
that i destroy myself when i'm hurt
i don't eat
i don't sleep
i don't do anything that's good for me
because what's the point if i already can't breathe?

each day, i wake up and it's hard to breathe. but i just remind myself that it's one day closer to you.

when i first saw you, i saw forever in those eyes.

i understand if you don't want me anymore

and when you look at me, i swear i can't breathe.

i look at you and i'm home

heaven is a place on earth with you.

how many times have
i said i'm alright but lied?
i'm really not fine.

all that you are is all i'll ever need.

i do not want this
i just want to be happy
just let me be, please?

you make me feel seen.

i thought about you today (when do i not think of you?) and all i wanted was to place a million kisses all over your existence.

you are my heart, my life, my one and only thought.

even if everything goes to hell, at least it's with you.

be my knight in shining armor
and battle the demons in my head
show them who's in control
and don't let them win

it's you. it's been you for the past few months, since the moment we first started to talk. its you all the time. you are everywhere and you are everything. it's you. it's always been you.

when i found you, i called you mine. now, you'll never be lost again. you are safe here.

when we met, i was nothing. but your love made me into something.

all i know is i'm in love. you feel more like home than any house i've been in ever has. every time i think of you, a safe feeling washes over me and i can imagine us being together for the rest of our lives.

i will always love the color yellow now. that is the color i was painting my bedroom wall when we started dreaming of being something more. it was when i first knew you wanted me. when i first knew you wanted some kind of future with me. the first time you made my heart race. the moment i knew i was going to fall in love with you and there was nothing i could do about it. the first time i felt a connection. the moment i knew we were going to be something more.

making you smile is one of my favorites things to do these days and every time i make that happen, my heart smiles back at you

i realized that i don't call someone "my love" until i know for sure deep in my heart that i love them and will love them for the rest of my life. and you, my love, you i will love for the rest of my life, and even after. in all my lifetimes, i will find you and love you.

i could watch you for a single minute and find a thousand things that i love about you.

i can tell you anything at any time. i trust you with all of me.

our hearts just keep reaching for each other.

hurting
hurting
crying
hurting
bleeding
screaming
shaking
hurting
crying
sobbing
shaking
bleeding
bleeding
bleeding
gone..­..