Our hands touched, the warmth radiating throughout my body
A stranger I do not know
He sits behind me in math class
And I knew right then and there that there’s many people in this world
That I’ve never acknowledged or known
That even though I feel left out now
Someone will come along with warm hands
And a loving soul and they will never leave me to be alone

you had to go
and you looked so sad
it broke my heart
tears formed in my eyes
because you told me
your life is ****** there
and i just want to
pick you up off the ground
kiss all your broken pieces
and heal them with my love
i want to make you happy
i want to give you
the best life i can possibly give you
i want to start our life together
and it will be so amazing
i know the distance *****
but it will be so worth it in the end
and i want you to always remember
i'm with you
no matter where you are
i'm right there with you
i want to hold your hand through all this
and help you through it
i want to love all of you
i want you
i need you
i love you so ******* much
never forget that

i know i'm not the most perfect daughter
i know all i am is a failure to you
thanks, mom
i really appreciate it
you know, i have no best friends
because of you
i barely talk to one person at school
because i know you won't approve
you know, i'm trying my ******* hardest
but still, you're not proud
i get one bad grade
and you tell me my whole life is ruined
"you better just go throw all your dreams away"
what kind of a parent are you?
you know, i tried to forgive you
a hundred times
but i can't stand it anymore
you're the reason i wanted to **** myself!
you're the reason i wanted to run away!
and you say i'll thank you when i'm older
but no, i won't thank you for these scars on my arms
i will not thank you for making my life hell
as soon as i get out of this place
you're not allowed in my life
i don't want you in it
because of you
my heart breaks every day

it feels like i'm running
can't breathe
demons are chasing me
help

i've always wanted that kind of love
where they stare at you laughing
because they love seeing you happy
the kind where they make you smile
to the point where you can't stop
the kind where they tell you
that you are beautiful
because you are to them
even if you don't see it yourself
the kind where they want to share every piece of them
so they write you poetry and create art about you
to prove how much they are in love with your everything
the kind where they love everything about you
and they tell you that all the time
just to remind you
the kind where they tell you they are thinking of you
just to let you know
they give you pieces of the future they want
and it fills your chest with longing
for that life
and i want it, baby
i want all of you
every single thing that makes you who you are
i want everything
the good and the bad side of you
the fighting, the arguing, the making up after
little kids and a house where we live forever
waking up beside you and falling asleep in your arms
walks in the park, going out on dates, and you singing songs
everything, baby, i want everything
i've never felt this feeling
i want you
i need you
and there are people who will be against us
and people who will try to tear us apart
and i've told people so many times
that i would wait for their hand to hold
but never kept those promises
i'm not proud, baby. i'm not proud.
but that was before i knew what love was
and now i know that i love you
and i promise with all my heart
that i will wait and be patient for you
i do not want anyone else
i want you. only you. my one and only.
and if i get into a lot of trouble loving you
then i will smile all the way through
and i will never let go
because you are so worth it, baby
you are worth everything
and for you, i would give up my soul
i would die to save you
i would give up my life to make you happy
i would do anything for you
i hope you understand
that if we are torn apart by people who don't like us
that i will wait for you
and think of you
and never love anyone else again
and one day, i will find you
but we don't need to worry about that
until it happens and it won't
i love you with all my heart, with everything in me
and i think we're meant to be
i will not back down without a fight
and i will fight until my last breath
because i love you
and there's still so much more i want to say

what the hell did i ever do?
what is so wrong with me?
i think all my pain started because of you
i'm so happy without you
i'm so happy when i'm not plagued with your words
you told me you thought i was doing drugs
oh, is that what it is now?
is that what you think of me?
that i'm a failure?
that i will amount to nothing?
that i will do anything to disappoint you?
mom, what did i do?
i didn't do anything wrong
all i did was exist
all i did was be myself
am i really that messed up?
you told me once
i remember
you told me you didn't like who i was
that you only loved me because i'm your daughter
what the hell, mom?
seriously?
i can't wait until i'm out of here
all i know is
as soon as i turn 18
i'm moving out
i don't care if i'm living out on the streets
that will be better
than to live there any longer than i have to
i guess i'll always just be nothing to you

oh god i'm ******* screaming
but you won't listen

stop it!
why do you try to ruin everything?

writing about you
mends my heart
just like your existence does
it's you baby
you're all i need

i wish i could say i fell asleep to the sound of your heartbeat
and i wish i could say that your warmth calmed my storm
i wish i could say the scent from my candle would forever remind me of this moment
and i wish i could say i knew you like the back of my hand
i wish i could say i felt your lips against my forehead as i drifted to sleep
and i wish i could say the paint from my hands has moved onto yours
i wish i could say that my heartbeat memorized yours and they made a song together
and i wish i could say you were so close i could feel your breath kiss my hair
i wish i could say i heard you say 'i love you'
and i wish i could say i told you i loved you too
i wish i could say that our legs were entangled together like my thoughts about you
and i wish i could say that everything i have said was true
but, no, it's not because it only happened in my head
and not in reality like we both want it to

hugging my knees
memories playing in my head
one in each drop of water on my arm
my body was shaking
hot water enveloping me
tears were rushing out
lungs not working
blood rushing out
my hands shaking
staring at my wrists
holding the blade to my vein
pushing in
then dropping the knife
i'm sorry

i got my hopes up again
i'm sorry for thinking we were more than friends

i keep seeing spirits in front of my eyes
white wisps of smoke floating by
why are these ghosts taking shelter in my mind?
they do not belong here
am i just turning into a ghost myself?
no one sees me, no one knows
am i invisible?

yes

my demons are sitting right beside me
and i'm scared
oh god i'm scared
i haven't seen them this close in awhile
just breathe
i can't drown again
just breathe!
they're saying all these terrible things to me
please don't cry
i can't breathe
you're okay!
i don't want to be depressed again
please save me
please