wrap me up in your warmth
and sing me to sleep

i want to mean something to you
is that too much to ask?

i'm in pain
jut let me be
let me cry
until i fall asleep
i'm not important
i'm not enough
just let me give up
i can't breathe
i can't think
i don't even matter anymore
i just want to scream

i see so many hands held
and so many lips kissed
so many bodies pulled close
and so many i love you's said
but it's not me
i'm not the person they are with

every little thing is scaring me
shadows of darkness
lurking around every corner
deafening sounds ring in my ears
i jump because of every noise i hear
i'm scared
i told him i was afraid of the dark
he holds me close and whispers
"i'll protect you from the monsters"
i didn't know he was talking about the ones in my head

so am i just nothing to you now?
is that what is happening?

i want to try everything that's bad for me
including you

i feel like a beer bottle
that's been thrown against a concrete wall
in a fit of anger
shattering as it hits
the pieces fall to the ground
i fall
broken
shattered
fractured
cracked
splinters of glass are embedded in my skin now
blood trickling down my arms
and from my heart
every breath feels like a war
gasping
panting
choking
blood falls to the floor
red paint on a ***** canvas
until it spells out "help"
sweat runs down the side of my face
onto my bedsheets
from wrestling the demons
fighting
brawling
sparring
i'm worn out
broken down
dilapidated
i just want the agony to end
i don't want to fight anymore
i smell of war
and blood
and pain
there are stab wounds
and bullet holes all through me
it all hurts so very much
i just want to be completely tranquil
and at ease for once

i'm sorry but i'm empty
please do not touch me
i swear i was doing fine, honestly
but now my hands keep shaking
my lungs keep aching
my bones keep breaking
my wrists are bleeding
and i can't control my breathing

you hurt me and i said sorry
you ran away without a word

i talked to the moon about you last night
i'm sorry i wasn't what you wanted
i still wish you were here with me

i'm locking away my heart
throwing away the key
building these castle walls higher than before
i'm done with love
no one even wants me
so i'm hiding my heart
so no one breaks me
i'll act tough
i'll be rough
and i'll scare away anyone who talks to me
no, you can't have me
no, you don't even want me
you just want to use me up until i'm no more
and you want to break me into pieces
no
you don't want me
stop acting like you do
now i'm going to live my life forever lonely
no one is allowed through this door

i have no words
to describe the way i feel
at this very moment
but all i know is
no one loves me
no one wants me
try to convince me
but i won't believe you
i'm unlovable
worthless
not enough
and everything in between
i'm not really heartbroken
over the fact that you don't want me
but the fact that no one wants me
it's just how my life is
i love with my whole heart
but no one loves me back
and now i'm just going to accept that fact
no one really wants me

i don't love myself
but i love you
with my whole heart
but you don't love me too
you can't tell me
one thing that you love about me
one-sided love
you take what you can get
and i don't mind it
'cause i've gotten used to the fact
that i'm unlovable
i'm unlovable

and i wish i could be special enough for you

i know you don't want me
but can we at least pretend?

i loved you more than i loved myself
so when you left
i was completely shattered
and didn't know what to do
or how to keep breathing

you said you couldn't live without me
so why aren't you dead yet?
why are you still breathing?

darling, i understand.
how could you ever want me?

maybe i'm not enough
maybe i'm worthless
maybe no one wants me
maybe i'm not pretty
maybe i'm not interesting
maybe i'll be sad forever
maybe i shouldn't be dreaming

i wished for you
i hope you don't mind

is it me you're talking about
or is it someone else?

my heart likes to fall for lovely things
and darling, you're one of them

i'm sitting here crying after reading your words
no one has ever said something like that to me before
no one has ever cared as much as you do
everyone just always leaves me feeling so blue
i haven't felt beautiful in the longest time
you are so lovely, you make me want to rhyme
and now, because of you, my heart is starting to feel again
and i think i'm finally starting to see some light ahead
i'm sorry this poem isn't the greatest of mine
you deserve something of a heavenly design
but you made me so speechless, i can't even write
and darling, you just made my life a little more bright

i'm sorry, mom.
i know i'm a disappointment
i know you're not proud
i know you don't like who i am
i know you wish i was someone else
i know i'm not the most perfect daughter
but i'm trying
i'm trying so ******* hard

i want you to love me
i want you to heal me with your words
we may not be able to touch
or hear each others voices
but maybe we could still be something
you know?

i used to be like you
so caring and wanting to help everyone
so kind and sweet
you made me smile
i couldn't stop
a smile plastered on my face as i was walking to math
just because of some words you wrote
i don't think i've smiled like that in days
i have been in pain
i wish i was like you again
i miss the old me
but the sadness turned me bitter
and i hate everything i see
i don't smile the way i used to
my eyes are sad and full of tears
and i wear long sleeves
to hide the pain i bleed
but maybe you'll be the one that saves me
and maybe you'll help me find myself
and maybe
maybe we will find that we're supposed to be

i'm trying to talk to you
but every time i go to type
my words leave me
i'm trying to scream
to tell you how i feel
i want you to know this storm
i feel like you're someone i could like
but maybe you don't like storms
and maybe i'm not someone you could like
and maybe we're just too far for this to ever be right

i haven't been answering to your messages
or anyone's for that matter
i don't feel like talking
reminiscing of a time that used to be
i'm lonely
no more best friends
no more real laughter
no more being a kid
you're older now
grow up
i'm sorry i haven't responded
but i was having tea with myself in the shower
step into my life
drink up the loneliness
see the sadness crawling in my heart
feel the cold water envelope my body
focusing on the lines on my skin
i haven't been me lately
i've done things that i would never do
like drinking alcohol in the middle of school
feel it dripping off my lips
dancing around
it tasted like cough medicine
healing the sickness inside my bones
my mind screaming
is it really wrong if it feels good?
i see the world differently
i've been wanting to hurt everyone i see
it's not them as people
but just me being jealous that they can be so happy
while i'm sitting in the corner
making friends with the shadows
fingers dancing on the walls
eyes closing with the idea
that i could ever be loved
i'm broken
can't you see the shattered glass in me?
feel it against my skin
feel it in my throat
feel it in my heart
and in my lungs
i haven't felt the pleasure of breathing in so long
it makes me wonder if i'm even alive?
am i?

i'm a sunflower, a little funny
if i were a rose, maybe you'd want me

paint me some wings
so i can fly away

all we are is strangers again
we loved & we loved
but couldn't make it work
you were my drug
you were my universe
you were my everything
but i was always just nothing to you
that's okay
that's fine
but i don't understand your mind
you broke up with me
not the other way around
but you seem to get jealous
when i'm walking with some guy friends
you get all defensive
like i hurt you
stop playing the victim
stop acting sad
you never ever loved me for who i am
you don't deserve me anyways
i think i may be too good for you
so i guess we're strangers again
corresponding with the casual "hi"

tell me
would you love the scars on my arms and thighs?
or would you just run and hide?

i've been clean for a year
no marks on my skin
but today is the day that i do it again
one
two
three
cuts on my arm
give me a reason not to bring myself harm

i'm giving up

we have a lot in common
but maybe we're more different than we think
how could you love me?
you say you adore me
but i can't see how
there's always something wrong with me
and i'm not just saying that to put myself down
i mean it
it's the truth
there's always something that makes people run
and i don't know what it is
but i'm still me
i'm allowed to be myself
and i'm not going to change myself for anyone
i thought we were dreaming of being something more
and not just the way our bodies connect
i tried opening myself up to the possibility before
but my last boyfriend used me
he wanted my body
nothing more
and i've never told anyone this
but he told me he thought about ****** me
so forgive me if i don't want a relationship based on that
because now i'm too scared to share that part of me
he made me feel absolutely disgusting
and i never want to share that part of me again
unless it's with someone who will stay in the end
so please
if you really don't want me because i won't share that with you
then i guess we're just not meant to be
i'm sorry

we were walking up the stairs at school
and i said something a little too loud
and it echoed off the walls
causing everyone to look
and i didn't see the look on their faces
but you did
and the way you described it was hilarious
we laugh about stupid things
things other people wouldn't find funny
we couldn't stop laughing
and i was laughing so hard
i had to lean against the wall
with tears in my eyes
because i couldn't breathe
and i haven't laughed that hard in weeks
and you're the only person who can make me laugh like that

i love being alive
death is my biggest fear
but if dying would save you
then so be it
your happiness is more important than mine
and i'd give up every bit of my happiness just to give it to you

i'll turn my heart into stone
and burn my lungs with cigarette smoke
i'll be tough
i'll perform exorcisms on my thoughts
i'll stand here
bleeding
bruised
but i'll still be breathing
watch me