do you understand the way i feel when i look at you?
i see the rest of my life staring right back at me

i know i'm going to cry myself to sleep tonight
and that's not a fun feeling to have

i cannot tell you why i feel so broken
but i stood in front of the bathroom mirror
and shut my eyes tight
my hands gripping the edge of the sink
thinking of everything that could be wrong
but there was nothing
nothing is wrong
but then i opened my eyes
and saw how broken i looked
and that is what made me fall apart
i started crying
i fell to the ground and hugged my knees to my chest
because what else am i going to hold?
and i cried and cried
and the whole time i was wondering
why the hell am i crying?
and i just fell apart until i was ready to pick myself up again

i feel like i have to hide my sadness away from you
like you won't love the raging storm inside of me
and i want to scream at the top of my lungs
but when i open my mouth, nothing comes out
i'm drowning, but only sometimes
sometimes i feel okay and i'm able to breathe
but other times i just feel like an anchor drifting down into the sea
too heavy to bring itself back up
too burdened to care
it doesn't matter if i'm drowning or above water
there's just no reason for this sadness to be inside me
i'm used to the waves of emotions crashing against the rocky cliff
but there's no storm this time
there's no thunder
there's no lightning
but maybe my heart still has a couple leaks
maybe the water is still rushing into it
maybe i don't have all the things i need to fix it
maybe i'm still broken in places no one can reach
i don't want to be broken anymore
i don't want to be full of debris from the storm
i don't want this
and i don't have a reason for why i'm this way
sometimes the waves just wash over me
until i can no longer breathe

standing in the road
the cold breeze enveloping me
the autumn leaves dancing around my feet
the sun shining through the trees
onto me and the love i have for you
arms spread out like wings
and i wish i could fly
so i could get to you
the street whispers
"he will get to you soon"

i think of you every second, every day
i think of you whenever you're away
i think of you always
i think of you now and forever
please always stay

i remember when we first started talking
and you told me if we were together
it wouldn't be fair because it would ache too much
since we couldn't touch or be near each other
and i remember just wanting to scream
"love me anyways!"
because i never wanted someone as much as i did you
it was always you
and sometime later
we are now together
and we're aching
but it's all so worth it
so worth it
and we'll be near each other soon

i've always wanted that kind of love
where they stare at you laughing
because they love seeing you happy
the kind where they make you smile
to the point where you can't stop
the kind where they tell you
that you are beautiful
because you are to them
even if you don't see it yourself
the kind where they want to share every piece of them
so they write you poetry and create art about you
to prove how much they are in love with your everything
the kind where they love everything about you
and they tell you that all the time
just to remind you
the kind where they tell you they are thinking of you
just to let you know
they give you pieces of the future they want
and it fills your chest with longing
for that life
and i want it, baby
i want all of you
every single thing that makes you who you are
i want everything
the good and the bad side of you
the fighting, the arguing, the making up after
little kids and a house where we live forever
waking up beside you and falling asleep in your arms
walks in the park, going out on dates, and you singing songs
everything, baby, i want everything
i've never felt this feeling
i want you
i need you
and there are people who will be against us
and people who will try to tear us apart
and i've told people so many times
that i would wait for their hand to hold
but never kept those promises
i'm not proud, baby. i'm not proud.
but that was before i knew what love was
and now i know that i love you
and i promise with all my heart
that i will wait and be patient for you
i do not want anyone else
i want you. only you. my one and only.
and if i get into a lot of trouble loving you
then i will smile all the way through
and i will never let go
because you are so worth it, baby
you are worth everything
and for you, i would give up my soul
i would die to save you
i would give up my life to make you happy
i would do anything for you
i hope you understand
that if we are torn apart by people who don't like us
that i will wait for you
and think of you
and never love anyone else again
and one day, i will find you
but we don't need to worry about that
until it happens and it won't
i love you with all my heart, with everything in me
and i think we're meant to be
i will not back down without a fight
and i will fight until my last breath
because i love you
and there's still so much more i want to say

maybe you could say i'm too old for trick or treating
but that doesn't mean i still can't have fun
still jumping in puddles like little kids as it rained
balancing on the cracks in the road
running up to the houses just to pet the dogs
we were walking down rocky roads
the rocks digging into my bare feet
it was raining so hard
a closed umbrella in my hand
dancing in the rain
we got lost on back roads we've never been on
running through people's backyards
laughing and smiling
but the most important thing to me
was seeing the little kids all dressed up
holding their parents' hands
and running to get candy
and there was a longing in my chest
i hope i have my own kids someday
perhaps with you
and we can take them trick or treating

i want to give you all of me
every single thing
i'm so tired of being scared
so here
here's my heart
i'm handing it to you
it is now in your hands
please be careful
it breaks really easily
so here
here's my mind
and all my thoughts and feelings
please be careful
i am very insecure
so here
here's my soul
and everything that comes with it
please be careful
it's really important to me
so here
here's all of me
please be careful
i trust you enough to do what's right for me
i trust you to love me and take care of me
i trust you
so please don't break me
i'm trusting you with all of me

our love is as secretive as the night sky
the things that are hidden from the world
so beautiful and so luminous
we are a galaxy no one has discovered yet
the stars hidden from view
but it doesn't matter if no one ever knows
because to me
we're the most beautiful thing i know

dear demons, i am loved
despite the words you scream at me
"you're unlovable"
no i'm not

i guess i never understood love
the way people connect
maybe it's because i've never had it
not like i do now
past relationships are just shadows
they still lurk around every corner
and they still haunt me
not everyone will hurt you, darling
i'll need to perform an exorcism

i guess i never understood love
not until now
i am so afraid of losing you
like trees that lose their leaves in the fall
but they come back every spring
but who says people do the same
you won't come back when you leave
that's why i'm so scared
not everyone will leave, darling
i have this one chance to do everything right

i guess i never understood love
not until i was afraid you didn't love me
and you wrote stories in the palm of my hand
to put in my library of safe thoughts
and i was still scared
but i danced with everything i had in me
and it made me think of how you would feel if you lost me
and my heart hurt for you
not everyone will leave you behind, darling
i guess i'll just have to put all my trust in you

you don't understand
i have a vivid imagination
i can literally feel your touch
the ghost of you
wrapping around my broken body
but it's no fun
because you're not actually here

pick me up off the tear-stained floor
and carry me to bed
hold me tight
and never let go
promise me you'll always love me
promise me you'll stay
and tell me everything will be okay
let me fall asleep in your safe arms
and keep me there forever
you are my home