what the mind thinks, the body becomes*

If I continuesly hate myself
For the way I look
Will my body not become resentfull
Surely, nobody wants to be
Told off all day long

Today a lady said to me
Don't change, now you look good
I resisted the urge to say
"I looked good 10 kilos ago"
It makes sense that others don't see it
They don't love their own bodies

So instead I told her
"Love your body and it will love you back"
However never use your love
As a conditioning technique
It will surely backfire.

So if I close my eyes
And tell my hands to type a word
They will surely do so
Not just because I can blindtype
But because my body knows how.

And if I close my eyes
And tell my body to hold on
To the last thing I see as I fall
My hands will never miss
Such is the intelligence
Of the mind-body connection.

So if I tell my body
You can adjust to anything painlessly
Surely she can do so

She has done it many times before
Even as I resisted the urge to run away
In order not to rip myself apart
But I never ripped
Because my vessel
Is as flexible as I humbly request her to be
And she knows it.

A Mexican standoff is a confrontation among two or more parties in which no participant can proceed or retreat without being exposed to danger. As a result, all participants need to maintain the strategic tension, which remains unresolved until some outside event makes it possible to resolve

Now I don't know what
You are waiting for
But all you need to do
In my book
Is speak the words.

There's no need to mend things
God knows that if it wasn't
For Karmic responsability
I would've spoken those words
A long long time ago.

I don't need anything from you
Just wish you'd come clean
Your foal mood has been going on
Since last Thursday
And for all I care
You can just say it

give him time
Says a whisper of compassion
Yes, even now, there is compassion
he needs time to mend himself
take this seriously
everything else has checked out*

You learn your lessons in high speed
But I certainly wish
It wasn't just because
You're waiting for me to pay the bills
I'd pay them either way
Have I ever been anything less
Than fair?

C'mon. Spit it out.

It's almost impossible to explain
These waves that carry me around
There must be a million islands here
Yet I always end up at the same shore
I can only express it
With my exhilarated heartbeat
The weakness of my body
Eventhough I've always known
It to be exceptionally strong and virtuous
I have never felt such a pull before
Not even then...
It's almost like the Divine
Grabbed my ear, like I'm a stubborn child
And said walk this way, you know you want to
Who am I to go against it
Suppose it's a way of Trust
Knowing that it's right
Eventhough everything looks wrong now
Everything except you.

It's almost like you're here
I can almost feel your fingers
Tangled with mine
The heat that radiates from your body
The echo of your heartbeat
The sound of your voice
That sends a steady vibration through me
As it rises from somewhere within you
But I guess what I like the most
Is how calm you come across
You stand so steadily in your shoes
It brings out all my insecurities
Not that this is what you want
But I finally understand what it's like
To be the recipient of such a strong energy
That radiates from your heart
It's almost like you're here.

"Spiritual testing is the means to the teach lessons and release the things that no longer serve us"

Time to arrange the jewelry box
I do this as a from of meditation
My body responds heavily
Perhpas somewhere in the middle
Of all these pieces I will find
My suppressed femininity

I look through everything
Silvers together
Each in their own box
Only own a few gold pieces
Be sure to find them all
The memory of the lost necklaces
Flashed by many times

The family heirlooms are still here
Old German silver, the stamp ring
The Hawaian corals
And the handcrafted tree
That holds precious stones
But where are the diamond earrings

They aren't really mine
Never considered them to be mine
Just like the necklaces
That were given
From Godmother to Godchild
As a way to express love
In this way, they were priceless
My stress levels rise up
This is exactly why I don't wear jewelry

help me* I whisper to the sky
An image appears before my eyes:
I'm putting them in a small plastic  bag
To make sure I don't lose them
****, what did I do
go about your day, they will turn up
Says a soft whisper
And I feel a smile upon me
you will learn something

I go about my day
And as I clear out the mess I made
Making sense of things
I find a small plastic bag
That holds a pair of diamond earrings and a ring
I'm not that irresponsible to lose them

The smile is upon me again...
*you have learned your lesson

Highschool, what am I going to do
"Start high as high as you can"
Latin and sciences
It was great, I passed everything
Math and sciences
My motivation is missing
Nothing adds up
Behaviorsm and languages
But I can't pass French
Nailed it just barely
"What is happening to you"
Nothing adds up

There's a glimmer in the distance
They all say don't go there
Tears in my teacher's eyes
Please don't leave
You can still make it
Don't throw this away
But the canvas is calling me
The soft brushes and crayons
The colors and pictures
The creativity is there

I built my skills up
And I take the extra lessons
On landscape drawing
I stop showing up
Nothing makes sense
I fell asleep in class
My body gave up
"What is happening to you"
Nothing just leave me alone
Second semester, great record of attendance
But my motivation is out of reach

Lost the year, what now
Technical studies, that's me
And I found my tribe
The grasp in my neck
That I needed
Someone who sees through me
That was you and I can't thank you enough
Just for being who you are
The class is full of freaks
Just like me
This is where art school payed off

You took my hand
Asked me no questions on my past
And pushed me through
Like there was no question
That I would make it
Graduating year
Somebody wrote it on a piece of paper
"You can do anything, if you want to"

There's a soft sensation
On my lips
I feel it daily now
That convinces me
That you are not rough
Better yet you are not fast
In your movements
You move slowly
Reaching each cell within me
With your intense
Yet gentle energy

There's a subtle hint
In the energies
Now bursting toward me
That tell me
How much care
You would put in your caress
As the images
Send a sensation down my blouse
And a compressed tingle
Up my thighs

Carefully I direct my attention
Elsewhere
Always elsewhere

There's a soft caress
Running up my back
A hand that looks
Just like yours
A lighting bolt
That silently emits
From your fingertips
Wish I could touch it
But it moves in to me
As you move in to me

*And I nearly feel your pulse...