I look at my brother
I look at my sister
She looks so much like you
And he looks like her
I wonder what you see in me
Do I have her nose
She says I have your hands

I’m sorry it’s been ten years
And I still ***** dance
With this ***** sprite
When I take these xans

Some times I think you ran
Because you looked at the
Drugs in my hands
That she says look just like yours
And couldn’t face the pain

Knowing we share the same veins
I just hope you don’t think you
Failed
And I hope to God
That you don’t look at me
And feel
That all your efforts
Were to no avail

Yeah, as you can tell
I still blame myself

But
I look at my brother
I look at my sister
And I couldn’t picture
Leaving their mother’s side
Then still trying to attempt
To call them mine

I know I sound selfish
But you married another
And called her child your son
All the while

I wonder what it was I did
Or didn’t do enough
To no longer remain the glue
That kept you at her side
After all this time

What hurts the most
Is you were able
To call my mom your wife
For twenty years of my life
Yet only nine for my brother

He didn’t deserve to feel alone
**** what I feel
You left my little brother alone

I remember the nights
You never came home
And found a reason
To tell yourself
You couldn’t answer the phone

Those were the mornings
I watched Adventure Time
With my brother
In our living room
When it should have been you

Those were the days
I prayed
He would never have to grow up
Without his father at his side
Even though you tell yourself
It’s enough that
You’re “only one hour away”

I know
You both were young
And I don’t believe
That either of you
Every truly found love
Within the arms
Of each other

I know
You only stayed together
So long
Because I was the first
Child you had
And so for her

You wanted me to be happy
And I still hope one day
You discover what that word means

I remember it
I still see it in my dreams
I think I saw it on your face
That day you tried to teach me
How to throw a baseball
Back when we both were young

I never could quite catch
Time and make it last
Like a butterfly
The effect caused me to crash

But I know
You tried your best
To be happy
To smile when you didn’t want to
And I thank you
Dad

But I look at my mother
And my eyes swell up with hate
Only because you couldn’t see
What I do in her
Any longer

I know
I was your first born child
And my first smile
Was the first time
You saw hers in a while
In something other than
Your memories

I hope you never forget that moment
But you broke
My family into two

Two Thanksgivings
Two Christmas’s
Two birthday gifts at a time
When we only ever needed one

You know when you say a word over and again it stops sounding like a word. Well the same thing happens when you think of what a word means. Like the meaning of something is broken when you think of what meaning means. Confused? Great. Because that’s words confusing and meaningless separate but together they can be so much more.
If I was to write a whole page long writing on words it would just boil down to cool phrasy thingyies
Which is ironic cause those aren’t even words
What I’m trying to say is don’t use words alone. Write every word with your meaning. Not that I think I’m the best writer , hell from reading this your probably already know that. But I decided just to write no stops just write what I feel will get across maybe, so basically meh just write something with heart so that words hold meaning and don’t just leave you wondering what the hell did I just read. I’m assuming this is a total dumpsterfire but that’s meh cause I wanted to try something and I did so this came out ..... well meh

There’s a face in the shadow
Unlike the reflection in my mirror
There’s a face in the shadow
Unlike the reflection in my mirror
There’s a face in the shadow
Unlike the reflection in my mirror

I couldn’t tell if it was beautiful
Or terrifying

I touched her thigh
And I knew then
It wasn’t that
I wanted to die
I only desperately wanted
To feel alive

Funny how alike
Those feelings
Seemed to me
At the time

It ripped me to the seams
Every time
The riffs of her ripped jeans
Met mine
Like the way we shared
Our favorite song
And our favorite line

I always was
Too lucky to deserve this
But here I am

Some men may have
Unearthed this precious gem
Before my time
But all of them
Were just to blind
To see the way
That she could shine

God, you should have
Seen her shine

I’m losing my mind in the dark, dreary shadows,
destructive doors are closing everywhere in sight,
so many words I want to say, but when I open
my mouth, letters are scrambled, nothing makes sense,  
everything is on overload, flooded thoughts
traumatizing my brain, stressful nights intensifying
to unquestionable degrees, diminishing, falling
into the greatest depths of depression,
surrounded by colorless clouds,
state of mind shifting to suicide,
painful splinters piercing my inner existence,
irrelevance screaming and shouting,
unsettling depictions carved in jagged letters
across my stained skin, drowned, darkness
clouding my dreams, choking me in the shadowy,
flaming woods, swaying trees tumbling on my lifeless soul,
ferocious winds dragging me beyond the brutal crimson sea,
as waves upon waves devoured me, left on the cold, chilly ground,
breathing and wheezing, crying and moaning, sinking in my shattered ship.