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Fritzi Melendez Aug 2017
I truly despise
This cruel disguise
placed upon me

In circles, I run
from evil I have done
But I am not free.

I am terrified
of this roller coaster ride
going faster until it suffocates me

My depression and anxiety
my never ending insanity
this will all be the death of me

I want to be alive
But I am deprived
of oxygen and sleep

How do I go about this
turning these scars into bliss?
The end times is all I see

I cannot choose
I'm always bound to lose
And a loner I will always be

I cant see any escapes from this
and only Death can put me to ease with his kiss
Someone, anyone, please, help me...
my mind has been constantly racing with so many thoughts, it's bound to shut down completely.
Fritzi Melendez Aug 2017
let me love, let me crave.
let your light lead the way.

give me sorrow, give me pain.
strike my thunder, pour down rain.

make me rage, make me cry.
bleed on page, fantasize the sky.

make me weak, make me shake.
help me seek, let me break.

make me hurt, watch me die.
this was the ripple effect of your goodbye.
I fantasize about suicide a lot, caused by the heartbreak of many.
  Aug 2017 Fritzi Melendez
H Phone
I sometimes wield the pen in spite
Of why I am convinced I write
The poetic words that I spill

Spill like a glass of water
That’s been stirred to overflow
By my feelings and thoughts or so
I have gotten to know
The will of the flow
The direction that it wants to go
That’s what po-
etry is all about, no?

Because poem starts
with a P for personal
Not popular
Or populous
Not for the people who prefer prying
Pickpocketing or playful plying
In the placid plains inside
It’s for the persons who pray
To the poet’s plight

To go out on an odyssey,
with an O, the second letter
Not omniscient
Or omnipotent
For oscillating with your own
Is only for ones once overthrown
By an onslaught of hydrogen per-oxide
Those ostracized and odd
Off, yet open to the outside

E is the third letter
And it stands for emotional
Or extorted
until emptiness
Extended
after the excavation had ended
and emotion was evacuated ere
The embodiment of ecstasy
Had been enterred here

Lastly M stands for me!
Me, myself and I!
Not the masses who maim
My mind and meticulously aim
For the mark on my midbrain
Just the men and wo-men who make do
With musing about the mechanisms of
Mother Earth and her miracles too

Poetry is a gift
Out with it to be at ease
Especially for yourself
May it help you find peace
I want to clarify that I appreciate the positive feedback I've gotten over the past couple of days. They have motivated me to continue writing, but I need to free myself from the grip of numbers and reactions, because poetry is the utmost personal expression of the utmost personal feelings.
  Jul 2017 Fritzi Melendez
H Phone
Tell me you like me
I wish not to bother
Tell me that there is no other
Who you’d rather be with
Don’t show, just tell
You are my world
Am I yours as well?

I think I know
but I want to hear
stay near
here
Don’t leave me alone
with my fear
Of being abandoned
on my own
I may look hard
But my heart is no stone
No brick in the middle
But a fleshy core
Weak, frail, strong no more

When did I lose
Lose that edge
Of confidence, I feel like I’m wedged
In between a rock and a hard place

My heart and my self-hate

Why am I like this?
Why can’t I change?
My need for those words
Is almost deranged
Am I loving myself?
Am I losing myself?
Have I already lost?

Tell me you like me
I need you the most
Fritzi Melendez Jul 2017
I'm a revolving door.
pushed around and stepped on until I'm dizzy and sore.

Used only for your own benefit.
And then you say words that make me feel like ****.
Realization of the people around me. It's tiring to keep going through this endless cycle of being thrown around and used. It hurts.
Fritzi Melendez Jul 2017
for those who are concerned; I dispersed within the vastness of outer space.

My body, once caged all the stars, are finally in its resting place.

Maybe here, I am finally seen by those who romanticize the deathly night.

I am at a tranquil state, where all the planets are aligned just right.

No deaths, no violence, no wars, no fights.

No existential pain or crisis to plague a human's state of mind.

I am bound within the molecules of space and time, dancing on asteroids, I am entwined.

Finally, my body is free from the darkest of pains that had wallowed in my rib cage.

All the bottled emotions that had forever kept me enraged.

I have exploded into a beautiful mess, now the size of silica.

I am in motion, twinkling for those bellow in such a sorrowful world, as they paint me in Starry Night replicas.

They'll be envious to hear that I am conversing with Van Gogh himself.

We are in the cloudless night, a painting in a museum, and history within books on a bookshelf.

We're sprinkled in the dark like a beautiful combustion.

All the answers written in the stars for what we once questioned.

He tells me "be clearly aware of the stars and infinity on high."

And that was enough for me to just get by.

I am a galaxy, freed in the vastness of the universe.

Into this new life of neighboring planets and meteors, my body will immerse.

I am the stars you see on your lonely nights.

And this time, please take your time to analyze my light.

I know I'm a mess, but I can make it beautiful.

For what it's worth, I once took the form of a dying artist, whom was so mutable.
I come to terms with my existence, and fantasize how the after life would be.
  Jul 2017 Fritzi Melendez
Ether
I tried to **** myself
Regretful
Moreso, that failure

You know, its so easy to die. Slip into oblivion and say nothing matters. To hide your sorrow until tomorrow disappears.

I woke up with thick grey half moons under my eyes, yellow-grey toned skin, one half red eye and a dozen bruises on my neck.

I dont want to lose the innocence i have left. This is my confession. Hatred burns in my heart, but not just at myself anymore & if it is not my fault i can never change this terrifying world. I feel so small, i could blink & disappear...

But still, somehow, in my absence, in the simple threat of loss, fear and pity enter the hearts of those among me. So vile. So heartbreaking. The tears on my moms face having driven three hours to see me are the worst waters i might encounter. A tsunami of emotion.

Life is pain. Death is emptiness. Suicide may be relief, but failure is guilt.

Is there a balance somewhere?
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