she’s still there 6.10.25 (11:03 pm / 23:03)
it’s all over now
the naive stupid little girl i was
i hated i wished for i killed
she’s dead now or at least
she’s supposed to be

but maybe she’s still alive i think
all those years didn’t work all those years of torture
trapped inside my mind rotting being neglected she didn’t die

i think that though i might wish her dead that i might only be
an empty hollow dead shell
she’s still there
her ragged fingernails still painted silver scratching at the bars of my cage
of a heart
holding the iron she’s begging to be free
she’s still there i can feel it i know it

i think that maybe she has been there the whole time healing
waiting for a moment of weakness waiting for me to crack
sitting there watching licking her wounds
i just didn’t see her

[playing: magic 8 ball by cavetown and frankie cosmos]

clair de lune 6.9.25 (7:13 pm / 19:13)
i never knew how lonely it could be
to sleep alone
i never knew how scared i would be
it’s pathetic, i know

but i’ve known you all your life
and you almost all of mine
i never knew how afraid i’d be without you

last night i held the moonlight in my hands
letting it drip through my fingers
and watching your empty bed

last night i read a ****** mystery
and then stayed up
you were not there, you were not sleeping with me
like my guardian angel

i never knew how much i could want you back
my moonlight

[playing: r.e.m. by ariana grande]