We are young, fresh
Stars in our eyes falling hard
Summer running wild across cotton candy skies
I wish I could push pause
Take it all in deep, slow breaths
Another season of warmth and sunshine
Passing me by with a quickness
Your smile glitters just beyond my melancholy
Bringing me back to the present
I mirror it with ease
Even if a part of me will always be wanting

I am not afraid of the dark.
I am not afraid of monsters.
I am not afraid to die alone.
I am afraid to love someone.

I fear that I love being alone.
I am not afraid of depression.
I am not anxious about my life.
I am not scared of myself 'cause
I do not fear judgement. I am not
afraid of the dark,
I'm scared of that
which I don't have.

Morning has broken
but she has not
it had been a long night
sinister fraught
the stars were cut
in lacerations of lace
          stains of tears
                      mark trails
                   on her face
mascara in circles
mocking panda eyes
multiple moments
of almost self-demise
wrists bound to
          sadness, heart
trussed to trust
pain from crumbling
illusions, plus
that constant,
          searing lust
Now, on the floor,
lying face down
in what seemed
              like blood,
she starts to
                 move around,
as realization pours over
in a thick, viscous flood:
She can move her arms;
for they were not
                really bound
That gag in her mouth?
it has dissolved into sound
The sound of her voice
as she gets up
        from the floor
opens the window
bringing light
            to the fore
guttural noises
escape deep
                 from her throat
and before she
knows it, the
room starts to float
furniture circling
as the energy takes
        and she lets in the air
             fresh as new fate
her cuts balmed over
         winds whipping up her hair
marks from taut ropes
smoothing over to bare
and the light bursts in
          in a blast, in a whoosh
like bursts of starlight
cutting in with a push
they seep into shadows
pulsing over the dark
the howling rescinds
          in an explosion of sparks
blocks of pain that held
her chained
are knocked over
and the lightstorm
                keeps coming
her inner percussion
just doesn't stop drumming
      And as she flies through that window
and unhinges the door
            from its frame
freedom
            is now hers
            forever to claim

you can plummet through the layers of consciousness
find yourself deep, all a sudden somewhere other
transported as if by magic, a dreaming, a reliving.
You are not the same as you were, you have experienced
many, many, things. And you take all with you, every time.
Standing on a platform, waiting for a train, running into
a very old friendship, and you wonder just what it is
what you need to learn, what's being said, why you find
yourself back way back when, all it seemed was a coincidence.

An Uncomfortable Poem.*

Kicked your dog? Beaten your wife, husband, kids?
Cheated on your spouse, your taxes, a test? Cursed god?
Had *** to get something? Done a *******? A babysitter?
Shot ******? Been a secret alcoholic? ****** to inflict pain?
Sold drugs, your integrity, your body? Been *****? ***** someone?
Bullied a weaker soul? Kicked someone already down?
Betrayed a confidence, a lover, a coworker, your country?
Hit and run? Been in prison? Stolen money, credentials, a poem?
Alienated your partner, your children, the world?
Killed someone in a battle, a street fight, by accident?
Broken a heart on purpose? Been cruel? Lied for advantage?
Walked away from another’s pain? Sold out love? Spurned it?
No? Never? Not one? Not once? Really? Perhaps you are a Saint.
Only one person knows these things for sure.
What we leave out becomes our Gothic narrative of secrets.
The wheels within our wheels within our wheels. Churning.
   *We are what we choose to reveal. Only that, no more.
    Everything else hidden behind a closed, locked door.

You're not here, but I see you.
You're not here, but I feel you.
You're not here, but I breathe you.
I smell you in the spring flowers on the side of the road.
When walking down the street
I see you in my dreams,
H a u n t i n g me.
I need you, but you're not here.
I'm just hoping & wishing that you breathe me too.