Soak
Soft music
Hard truths
A loss
So large there's no way in
A between to cope with
A reality to live
The fatality of it
It's been 2.5 since

when self-destruct is
coming home after doing all you could
at 24:00
and choosing to drink
and drink
when you have work in the morning

as if i would have had any better luck
trying to sleep
without the alcohol

at least i can enjoy a few hours
before the insufferable grind once again

somehow
i sleep better after
a night of drinking

have i grown this
fungus heart
myself?
have i
reconstructed myself
to survive in the conditions
i’ve created?

sloth
is the sin i brew
neglect
is the symptom
how do i solve this
when avoiding is
what comes natural

the virus grows too much
when i stay too still
so i keep moving
infecting all yet
trying to escape
this fate
as if running
stops the wound
from bleeding

but still
it is not as if
staying still makes
anything more
then an ecosystem
of self-destruct

i want to say something
i want to say it weird
will you listen?
are you listening?
do you care?
i can't say this normally you know
it won't mean the same
you won't understand
maybe you still won't after this
but this way
i can excuse it as art

i think i angered an algorithm
i think there are worms
in the belly of what you call god
my body is buzzing and
i can only think of songs that feel similar
i tell you that i want to go to moonville
to fight my moonself

are you my back up
or my ride
or are you here for the show
will you throw a fit if i take my
moonself out for coffee
and a deep talk?
or will you provide me
with the sledgehammer to
grant my dreams of visiting a junkyard

i am tired of asking for help
for now ill let myself wallow
in the water i have soiled
because i know that
this time ive done what i can
to float through to the other side

i dont want anyone else to ruin their
cloths trying to drag me out