i'm not a person
i'm your friend
keep holding me back
but it'll never end

i'm not a person
i'm your friend
keep shutting me out
i'll come back again

you wanted me gone
you wanna move on
but it never goes away
you want me to go
but i'll be here till you're old
at least that's what you say

i have no offers
no demands
please just hear me out
and understand

i'm not the problem
got no plans
but you know that all this
got way out of hand

you thought i was gone
you thought you moved on
but here i am today
erase what you know
and learn how to cope
cause i am here to stay

the butterflies all flew away
broke out of their coccoons
now they're all free to play
but in the corner of this room
sits a lonely caterpillar
wishing he could be someone bigger
i know how you feel little man
you're the same as me, doing whatever you can
only difference is you know where you are
where you're going, you know how far
how long till your days end
how long till you join all your friends
maybe you don't know, maybe you don't care
wish i could afford the luxury to be here and there
wish i knew exactly how i will turn out
wish i knew exactly what my life is about
a simple goal, a simple road
just one destination for me to go
must be so nice to have wings and fly
too bad we can't all be butterflies

i'm reading from scattered notes
cause they're the closest thing i have to hope
i wanna be strong enough
cause i know this road'll be tough
i want to hold on and not let go
but if i do my roots won't grow
i wanna leave and be set free
but i don't know what will happen to me
staying the same feels safe
but i haven't really got out of my cave
if i take a shot in the dark
maybe i can reach for the stars
and then i'll be out of here
if only i can lose my fears

what is it that you see in me?
what's the secret that make your eyes gleam?
what's the tempo of my heartbeat
that makes you stomp your feet
makes you nod your head to the music
or did i confuse it with something else
it has nothing to do with me, just you and yourself
why can't i see what you see?
am i blind to the so called best part of me?
you say i'm talented, i got what it takes
but self doubt makes me feel like a fake
i paint the walls with my mistakes
yet you only see the wallpaper i replaced
apparently i gotta be transparent
my hesitance is inherent
so i put my defenses up
in front of crowds i tense up
now i gotta fess up
sometimes i'm fed up
i had enough of it
of people saying i'm good
when i feel the opposite
i promised to myself that i'll be confident
but i got a history of breaking promises
wrote my life-story but i can't seem to finish it
might die heroic or live villainous

to love, to lie
it's something so complicated
to live, to die
is it so bad to be fabricated

spent most my life looking for something real
didn't stop to think about how i should feel
love seemed to be a goal, not something to enjoy
always felt like a kid begging for a toy
now that i know what that is, i can't live without
and the moment i do, i just want to shout
all my issues ended in piles of tissue
wasted along with the nights where i miss you

my phone keeps sending reminders
and i didn't even set my alarms
almost forgot about my blinders
they feel just like my arms
i'm living through the storm
so why does it feel like the calm

the part of me that knows i'm wrong
keeps convincing me that i'm right
i think that stops me from moving on
and spend more nights without the lights
i guess that's alright
i'll just stay out of sight

pride, the nemesis of love
and the thought that it's never enough
nothing is too much, everything's too little
shines like diamonds but oh so brittle

there are things i never got to do
there are feelings that never got through
words i never really got to say
places where i wish i could stay
i know good things were never meant to last
but i wish they didn't go so fast

sometimes i wish i knew where you are
so i could run straight back into your arms
but life always had other plans
and it's always out of my hands
and i'm trying to find, trying to find
some gravity
but right now i feel so blind, so blind
to reality

i'm so sorry
i never meant to make you worry
i just had no clue what to do
i never had someone like you
to be the anchor for my boat
to be the basis for my hope
all the promises that i've made
never should've turned to heartbreak
and i messed up along the road
now i'm trying to find my way home

i'm scared of the future
of opening my wounds
tearing up my sutures
of what's coming soon
of anything i don't know
can't tell where i should go
how long will this last?
am i going too fast?
the pacing of the show

if i think too hard i'll just freeze
and get pushed down by a single breeze
i don't have enough people who believe
such a short list that it doesn't include me
wish i could just run and be free
but nothing's that easy
afraid that this plane won't take off
too many tails to shake off
and i don't have insurance
so i choose avoidance
every time and always
until i run out of ways to say
sorry, not today.